Start Again
by I'mJustCrazyEnough17
Summary: CP Coulter's Daltonverse. 9 years after leaving Dalton, and thus dropping away from Logan with no hope of contact, Julian is in a pizza shop with his wife and children when he sees Logan. What will happen?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! I'm Helen and I'm your writer for this tiny piece of the internet.**

**The characters in this story belong to CP Coulter, author of Dalton.**

**Review it if you like it!**

**Chapter 1**

"Yes. That's fine. I'm sure I'll be able to be home by then, I just have to pick up some stuff here…" Logan pushed his shoulder up so that the phone still rested between it and his ear. "Love you too. See you later. Bye."

He snapped the phone shut, sighing, and climbed out of his car. He was tired, but Noah wanted him to pick up dinner on the way home from the office, so here he was.

And dammit, he'd forgotten what kind of pizza Noah wanted.

Oh, well, Noah would just have to deal with whatever Logan got.

The door to the pizza shop jingled when he opened it. Everyone turned to stare at Logan, who looked straight ahead.

What kind would Noah _probably_ want…?

"Oh my God." The voice was familiar. Very familiar, but it hadn't been heard in years.

Nine years, to be exact.

Logan turned, and he saw none other than Julian Larson, Hollywood movie star, striding toward him, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and wearing sunglasses to disguise himself.

Logan's heart leapt at the sight of Julian, which was odd, because nothing had surprised him or excited him in years. Noah liked it when he took his medication, and so Logan took his medication, every single day. He hadn't felt genuinely happy about anything in a very long time.

Which was why he smiled a wide smile at Julian and said, "Julian! It's so nice to see you!"

Because it was. It _was_ nice to see Julian.

"Hey, Lo." Julian's mouth twisted into a kind of smirk, but it wasn't mean-spirited, it was more appreciating the humor in a situation.

"What?" Logan asked, stepping out of line and following Julian back to his table.

"Nothing." Julian was headed straight for a table that had a pretty blonde women and two children sitting at it.

"Jules," the blonde woman said as they approached, "you know Tabby doesn't like strangers."

"Tabby can suck it," Julian replied calmly, picking up one of his children – a blonde little girl with her mother's green eyes who Logan knew from reading tabloids was Tabby. He put her on his lap as he took a seat, and motioned for Logan to sit in the seat next to him.

"Hi, I'm Logan Wright-Greenfeld." Logan stuck out his hand to Julian's wife, whose name Logan couldn't remember from the tabloids…

Julian almost choked on his coffee. "What?"

"Hi, I'm Logan Wright-Greenfeld?" Logan repeated, confusion working its way past the mist in his brain. He'd learned to live with his haziness, live without emotion. It really wasn't too bad, as long as you didn't count on loving people or ever being truly happy.

"Uh, hold on. Just a second. We'll be back." Julian held up his index finger to his wife, indicating that he'd just be gone for a minute. He stood up, placing Tabby – who was eyeing Logan suspiciously – on the floor, and grabbed Logan's arm. He dragged the blonde off toward the restroom, and once inside, he locked the door behind them. "Logan Wright-Greenfeld? You got married and didn't tell me?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You left."

"That didn't mean you could just go and make big life decisions without me!"

"You left."

"So what?"

"You left."

"And does that mean I didn't care anymore?"

"You left."

"What are you, a broken record?"

"Jules…you left. You _didn't_ care anymore. You didn't answer my texts or my calls or anything. You didn't come back. Why would I think you cared?"

Julian didn't respond for a minute. "You're on your medication."

"That's old news."

"I don't like you on your medication."

"Then suck it."

Julian considered this half-hearted attempt at teasing for a minute. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Julian leaned against the sink. "After I left. Up to now. You used to hate taking your meds. Why would you start again?"

"I got married and it wasn't right for me to be like I used to be. I couldn't be that crazy Logan who flips shit every five seconds. I had to grow up."

"Who is he?"

"Noah."

"You love him?"

Logan thought about it for a minute. This was Julian, this was his old best friend. He used to spend every day with Julian in high school. But things were different now. Logan was grown up.

"Yes."

"No, you don't," Julian retorted.

"How do you know?" Logan's eyes held none of the biting feeling that they were supposed to, that they always had whenever Julian had challenged Logan on anything.

It was what Julian had missed the most about Logan, it was what he'd spent all those nights, all those nine years, thinking and dreaming about, trying so hard to forget…Marrying and having kids just to forget, but he didn't forget, he never did.

Now to find out that those eyes had dulled, that the fire was out…

Logan's phone rang through the bathroom. Logan pulled it from his pocket, checked the caller ID, and put it up to his ear.

"Hello?"

Julian couldn't hear what the other person was saying, but he could tell it was a man. Probably Noah.

"Yeah, I'm picking it up now…No…What was it again?...oh, right…yeah, I know…sorry…okay…right…I'll be there in twenty…yeah, I just bumped into an old high school friend…no, nothing important…he's really cool…oh…that's fine…don't worry about it, I'm glad for you to meet him…yeah. See you in a bit. Love you. Bye." He clicked shut the phone.

"Right. You love him. That was the absolute _worst_ 'Love you' I've ever heard in my wife, and I should know, my wife is having two affairs right now, and I'm standing in a bathroom while she's out there _probably_ flirting with that guy I saw her eyeballing in the-"

"Shut up." Logan was rubbing his temple. "Shut up and just…just…Help me here."

"What with?"

"With everything."

.

"Very nice to meet you, Noah." Julian had his best acting in place and his biggest smile ready when Noah walked through the door of the pizza shop. Julian could already tell he was possessive from the way he came up behind Logan, wrapped an arm around his husband, kissed him, and only _then_ did he introduce himself.

"Nice to meet you, too, what was your name?"

"Julian Larson."

Noah looked at Logan. "Is he the guy on that show you used to watch every week?"

Logan was looking at the floor. "Yes."

"I didn't know you knew him in high school. That's pretty cool."

"It is." Logan was still looking at the floor.

Noah turned his attention to Julian's wife and children. "And who are these people?" he asked, rather rudely.

"These are my children, Tabby and Jackson," Julian said, pointing, "and this is my wife, Loe." Loe raised her head from where she was reading a magazine and smiled faintly.

Logan's head had popped up at Julian's wife's name. "Loe?"

"Yes." Julian looked him in the eye, half-wishing he'd see and understand and know, and half-wishing he truly was as idiotic as he was in high school.

"That's like Logan's name," Noah said, grip tightening around Logan's waist. Logan looked at Noah with serious eyes that said, 'Stop it.' "What, it is," Noah said defensively.

"Okay, as lovely as this is…" Loe stood up. "You," she pointed at Julian, "have to be at the studio by 10 to do night shooting, and these two," pointing at Tabby and Jackson, "have to be in bed by 9, so we have to go. Nice to meet you, Logan and Noah." She gave the two a smile that was a grimace and took Julian's hand.

"Wait. Could you please _smile_ at my friends?" Julian pulled his hand out of hers.

"Julian. We have to go."

"Why won't you smile at them?"

"I'm just tired, alright? Let's go."

"What's wrong with smiling?" Julian glanced at Logan and Noah, who were looking at each other. Logan looked like he was trying his best to say something to Noah with his eyes, but Noah was just looking at him in confusion.

"Nothing's wrong with smiling, Julian, let's _go_." Loe scooped up Tabby and Jackson and held one in each arm.

"No, I don't want to go until I find out what the hell your problem with Logan is." Julian's eyes flashed. Now Logan was looking at him carefully.

"I have no problem with Logan," Loe said coolly. "We're leaving on the count of 3…1…"

"I AM NOT YOUR CHILD!" Julian shouted, causing everyone in the restaurant to look his way. "I am your _husband_, and I want to know _what the hell is so wrong with Logan that you won't even look him in the eye and smile_."

"I'm leaving." Loe turned on her heel and walked toward the door.

"Wait here," Julian said to Logan, and ran after Loe.

He caught up to her on the sidewalk. She was walking stiff-backed, lips tightly closed, and expression passive.

"Are you homophobic?" Julian asked.

"Not here, Julian."

"Yes, here. Are you homophobic?"

"Little pitchers have big ears."

"You are."

"Please, let's not-"

"Oh my God, I married a homophobic woman." Julian threaded his fingers into his hair and pulled. "Shit."

"What's wrong with that, Julian? I just realize that there are some people who are better than other people. You and I are better than those people in there." She meant Logan and Noah.

"Loe…I have never met anyone in my life who is better than Logan, and I probably never will." He looked up at the sky, with its pinks and purples of twilight. "I can't believe I thought I had found someone who would even come _close_ to him."

"What are you saying?" Loe asked.

"I'm saying I don't think this is going to work out between you and me," Julian said. "I'll stay at our house by the beach, you stay at the place where all the kids' stuff is. I'll see you sometime."

He turned and walked away from the woman he thought he would be happy with, the woman he thought could replace Logan in his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Logan, Julian, Derek, and other characters belong to CP Coulter, except for the Original Characters, which, if you're reading this, you can tell who they are for yourself...**

**Stalk my tumblr! It's fun! I write drabbles occasionally… Flightofdeathfrench .tumblr .com (obviously remove the spaces)**

**Chapter 2**

The ground almost fell away from Julian as he walked slowly back to the pizza shop. 26 years old and he'd just ended it with his wife of 5 years. He'd been planning to hold out until at least 30, and if, after 9 years, he decided he _really_ couldn't be with Loe anymore, he would get a divorce. But divorces were complicated and nasty, and her name was Loe and she had green eyes and blonde hair and that was as close as he could get to Logan, or so he thought.

But he saw now that Loe was the farthest thing from Logan.

Sure, Logan had his flaws, but they were flaws that Julian could learn to love, hell, already _did_ love. Loe's flaws were ugly scars, and this one – this last, most important one, because it was aimed inadvertently at Julian himself – was the last straw.

Logan and Noah were in line, not talking, when Julian pushed open the door of the pizza shop by falling into it. Logan turned around at the sound of the bells, and upon seeing Julian, immediately left his place in line to catch Julian before he fell, because he was swaying dangerously.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, pulling Julian up, clouded green eyes intent on Julian's brown ones.

"We can't talk about it here," Julian mumbled.

"Sure, we'll go to my place. Noah, could you handle this here?" Logan called over his shoulder. Without waiting for a response, he headed out of the shop, Julian in tow.

.

"I need a cigarette," Julian mumbled on the sidewalk, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pack. "Do you smoke?" he asked as he pulled a cigarette from the pack, stuck it between his teeth, and put the pack back into his pocket. He pulled a lighter – bright green – from the other pocket and lit up.

Logan, staring at him through this whole thing, found his dismay through the haze, and grabbed the cigarette out of Julian's mouth.

Julian coughed. "What the hell, man?" He grabbed for it back.

"Are you trying to get yourself _killed_?" Logan asked as they strolled down the LA street. Night was falling, and people were starting to come alive.

"What do you mean?" Julian was reaching for another cigarette, but Logan grabbed his hands. Logan whirled him around and pulled him out of the way of other people.

"I guess you don't know," Logan said, half to himself. "But my step-mom died of lung cancer three months ago."

Julian's eyes widened. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be." Logan was looking down. "I couldn't feel it anyway."

Julian studied Logan's expression for a minute before responding. "Oh, I think you could. There are certain things that make you feel no matter how much medication you're on, and love is one of them. I know that because I know _you_, Lo, and I can tell when you can't feel something and when you can."

Logan didn't look up. "I thought you hated smoking."

"I did."

"I thought it made you sick."

"It did."

"Then why would you start smoking?"

"Maybe I wanted to be sick."

"Why would you want to be sick?" Logan still wasn't looking Julian, and Julian was only patronizing him with his answers. Really, the actor wanted to dig deeper into what exactly happened with Logan's step-mom.

"That's none of your business." Julian said this for a reaction, and he got one.

Logan's head jerked up, or tried to through the medication. His eyes took on an expression of half-placid looking-on and half-shock and anger. "How is your health none of my business?"

"I figured you wouldn't care. You never did."

"Jules, I wanted to beat the _hell_ out of those movie producers when they made you smoke for that movie. Derek and I were going to-"

Julian was looking at him peculiarly. "You called me Jules."

"That's not the point."

"You…" Julian suddenly looked away from Logan, a feigned expression of disinterest and calm on his face.

"Julian. You are diverting this conversation away from the point, which is that you _smoke_. You could die!"

"Call me Jules again."

"Jules."

"Okay, yeah, I _could_ die, and who would care?"

"Every girl between the ages of 11 and 32, for starts."

"Who _that I know personally_ would care?"

A beat. And then. "Me."

"Right. That's why you tried _so hard_ to come after me when I left. Derek said it took you two days to notice I was gone. And two more days to even call me. But I switched my number _long_ before then, in the hopes that _maybe_ you'd care enough to try to contact me before 4 days had gone by. And my address is all over the internet, don't tell me you couldn't have come visit me if you wanted to."

"I couldn't have come visit you if I wanted to."

"And why is that?"

"I was…" Logan stared at his shoes, trying to dig into the emotions related to this period of time, the depression, the anxiety…It had taken him so long, too long, to link it with Julian's departure, and by that time it was too late and he was ashamed. "I don't know."

"Well, then I don't know why I started smoking." Julian put his hand into his pocket, but was stopped when he felt a slap on his cheek. "What the hell was that for?"

"I am _not_ going to sit here and watch you die."

"I'm not going to die, relax."

"No, not right away, but someday you will, someday too soon, if you keep smoking… How long have you…?"

"9 years."

There was a pause. "You're kidding me," Logan said, feeling something like shock.

"Nope."

"That's when you…"

"Where do you live?"

"What?"

"Where do you live?"

"Only a few blocks from here. Noah just got a job as a screenwrite for a tv show – he's a writer – and we moved here a few weeks ago."

"A writer." They fell into step beside each other again, heading toward Logan's new apartment.

"Yep."

"Has he ever written anything before?"

"Not that I know of."

"You mean he wouldn't tell-"

"Nope."

Julian blinked. "That's-"

"Please don't."

"You don't love him."

"I do."

"No. You really don't."

"Yes, of course I do."

Silence.

"Nine years?"

"Yes."

"That's a hell of a long time, Jules."

"Yes."

"How many packs a day?"

"Only about one…on a good day."

"What constitutes a good day?"

"I'm not going to tell you that." _A day where he didn't have an argument with his wife, a day where his children didn't express their extreme displeasure at his parenting skills, a day where he didn't think about Logan too much…_ Good days were few and far between.

"So what movie are you doing right now?"

"It's some action horror thing. But I get to jump off a building so that's good."

"Since when were you such a masochist?"

"I've always been a masochist."

"No, you haven't."

"Yes, I have. Since freshman year of high school."

"Why?"

"Because everybody discovers themselves in high school…And what I discovered, I didn't like."

"What did you discover?"

"That I'm a shit actor."

Logan just looked at Julian.

"Okay, okay, I actually discovered that it's my life's goal to be a ginger."

Logan stared at Julian some more.

"I'm not going to tell you, obviously, you idiot," Julian burst out. "You'll just have to die wondering."

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	3. Chapter 3

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**Chapter 3**

Silence fell as Logan turned the key in the lock and opened the door to his apartment. It smelled good, like Logan, so Julian breathed deeply as though he hadn't taken a single breath for years, and maybe he hadn't.

"Don't," Logan said without turning around as he walked toward the kitchen. Julian's hand, which had been in his pocket, opening the cigarette pack, jerked out as if slapped.

"Sorry, I just-"

"It's taken me days to get the cat barf smell out of this apartment, I don't want you stinking it up." Logan hung the keys on a little nail in the side of a kitchen cabinet. "Now, what's wrong with you?" He turned on Julian, who felt like he was in a police interrogation room.

"What? Nothing," Julian lied, rather smoothly, he thought, but Logan didn't buy it.

"You fell through the door of the pizza parlor and would've fallen further if I hadn't caught you," Logan pointed out in a monotone.

"Oh, right."

There was a silence rich with the possibility of something being said, but nothing was, so finally Julian settled for, "I don't think it's working out." This was the least descriptive of all the sentence possibilities that he thought of on the way here and in that little moment of silence, but he sincerely hoped Logan would understand his lack of eloquence.

"Between you and Loe?" Logan asked, cocking an eyebrow. He turned and reached into the fridge, pulling out a pack of beer. "Want some?"

"If I have one I won't stop," Julian replied.

"Good point." Logan put the drinks back into the fridge. "Water?"

"No."

"Why isn't it working out? Other than the obvious, which is that it _is_ a Hollywood romance and there's only so much longevity you can realistically expect."

"I just was such an idiot, thinking that if I married her, all my problems would…go away." _Be forgotten._

"You are an idiot."

"Thanks."

"Any time."

"So what am I you going to do?"

"Well, what exactly _happened_ to push it over the edge?" Logan was leaning against the counter, Julian was leaning against the couch 15 feet away.

"I found out that…" Julian looked down. "I found out some stuff that I didn't know before."

"Like?" Logan prompted.

"I found out that she's homophobic."

Logan blinked. "Are you serious? It took you that long? I figured it out in five seconds, and I-"

"Yeah, well I'm not gay," Julian snapped, looking up.

Logan nodded, unfazed. "I know."

Julian wanted to cry now, but he couldn't. Not after all this time. He hadn't once cried, not in 9 years, except when he broke 3 of his ribs in a motorcycle accident. He'd never cried over emotional stuff.

His hand twitched toward his pocket.

"Jules." Logan's voice held warmth that was considerably less warm than a normal human's would be, but was still quite warm in spite of the medication and Logan's general disposition. "Is there something-"

"No." Julian put his hand behind his back. "I'm fine. And you? Your step-mom just died, that's gotta be tough."

"Not really."

Julian looked at Logan, wondering if Logan was as much of a mess as Julian was.

"I'm glad to see you," Julian said. "But I'd really like a nap before I go to the studio at 10. And then I have to go to an empty beach house. Where the hell am I going to brush my teeth with…?"

"You can sleep in the spare bedroom," Logan offered. "Down the hall, last door on your left. The sheets are all new and never been used and everything. Noah and I don't really have many friends."

"Speaking of friends…Derek. Do you talk to him much?"

"Yeah. But he's still in-"

"Spain, I know. World Cup." Julian rolled his eyes. "We should probably be supportive friends and watch the game…I think it's on in a few-"

"Just go to bed. I'll wake you up at quarter of."

.

"Jules?" Logan's hand was gentle on Julian's shoulder, and both boys were aware of the flesh on flesh – Julian slept shirtless – but neither would dream of letting on.

"One more minute, Loe," Julian said, stirring and pulling his pillow over his head.

"This is Logan. You're at Logan's house," Logan said softly. "It's a quarter of ten, you have to go to the studio."

"The studio can wait," Julian said, still not quite registering that he was at Logan's.

"Logan!" A yell from the living room. "How much longer do I have to sit here watching your friend's pizza get cold?"

Julian laughed in a delirious way. "He's a winner," he said quietly, a big goofy grin on his face.

Logan's face remained passive. "You have to get up now, Jules."

"Call me that again."

"Jules."

"I'm getting up." Julian rolled over again and stared at the wall.

"Jules."

"No."

"Jules."

"No."

"Jules."

"I'm just going to sit here and listen to you call me that, it's really not motivating me at all, but by all means…" Julian lifted his hand a little and waved it to motion Logan's continuing of calling him Jules. It sounded so much better in Logan's voice than in Loe's voice.

Logan sat on the bed. "Please get up."

"If I get up, I have to go to the studio." Julian flipped over again so he could see Logan. "And there I have to put on a brave face and pretend that everything isn't falling apart," _hasn't been falling apart for the past 9 years_, "and I'll have to do this _stupid_ scene where I save some girl who isn't even hot from a fire that was set by this crazy guy who wants her dead, and then guess what?"

"What?"

"The guy sets _me_ on fire."

"What? What kind of ending is that?"

"Don't ask me."

"So then what?"

"After I get home from shooting?"

"Yeah."

"Then I have to go into this empty house and sleep alone and pretend that everything's okay, if for no other reason than to keep my own sanity. And-"

"Logan. I'm waiting." Noah was standing in the doorway. "He's obviously not getting up anytime soon."

"I think you and my wife would get along very nicely," Julian said, sitting up fast. The sheets fell off him and Noah's eyes raked his bare chest.

Noah visibly bristled. "I'm sure she's a very lovely woman. Logan, come on."

"I just have to…" Logan half-heartedly started to protest, but stopped.

"I'll see you around, I guess," Julian said, plucking up his shirt from the floor and pulling it on.

"What's your number?" Logan asked.

Julian gave it to him, and Logan pulled out his phone and punched it in. "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Not too early."

"Why?"

"I plan on having a hangover tomorrow morning."

**Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

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**CP Coulter owns Logan, Julian, Derek, and anyone else who might be mentioned who is in Dalton or is mentioned on her tumblr.**

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**Oh, and I used a John Green quote from **_**Looking for Alaska**_** somewhere in here, so credit to him for that. And credit to whoever finds it, because that would rock!**

**Chapter 4**

"Julian! You're late! You need to get into makeup stat or else…" Clark drew his finger across his throat.

"I know." Julian rubbed his temple. "Clark, what do you think of Loe?"

"She's…" Clark, Julian's best Hollywood friend and as of 9 years ago, his only best friend, who was playing a supporting character in this movie, was at a loss for words. "Well. I'm sure she's ni-"

"She's terrible." Julian turned toward the makeup room. "Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"You told me you loved her."

"Well, I lied."

"The whole time?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons, but I can't tell you them."

Julian had to go into makeup now, and he spent an hour being yelled at, getting turned into someone who'd been burned in a fire, and ignoring his feelings.

When he emerged, he was rushed to the stairs, practically dragged onto the roof, and shoved in front of a camera. As the 'love of his life' was lying on the roof, breathing hard, and Julian was supposed to be relieved that she was alive and it was supposed to be the happiest moment of his life, he started crying.

Something about the LA cityscape laid out below him, the fire crackling in the background – the very, very controlled fire that there was no hope of burning himself 'accidentally' in – and Logan watching a movie in his apartment with his husband, pushed the tears that had been waiting 9 years in Julian's eyes out.

"CUT!" The director came flying over and crouched next to Julian. The actress was looking at him like he was crazy.

"What is wrong with you?" the director asked.

"Nothing, I was just getting into the scene."

"Why were you crying?"

"I was crying from joy."

"That was _not_ joy," the actress said.

"I've never seen anyone cry from joy with a frown on their face," the director added.

"And _I_ was doing a fantastic job," the actress said with a frown on her own face.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but I happened to have the worst night of my life tonight, and if I'm a _little_ off I think I should be given a bit of leeway here because I have, after all, won no less than 12 awards, and how many have either of you-"

"I don't care what kind of night you had or how many awards you've won!" the director burst out, red in the face. "You aren't getting paid to sit around and cry for your woes."

"You can't fire me," Julian said coldly.

"Oh, yes, I can."

"Then do it."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Do it," Julian urged. "Please."

"Well, in your contract…Not sure if I…" The director rubbed his neck. "You get tonight off. Come back tomorrow night at 10 and please, for the love of God…Don't cry."

.

Julian exhaled and the smoke blew out of his mouth. A kind of fake peace came over him. He felt alright. Maybe this thing with Loe wasn't that bad. Maybe going into his empty house wouldn't be so bad after all…

He took another puff, because the empty house prospect still seemed pretty terrible.

"Julian!"

He turned. Logan.

He'd been standing outside his beach house, looking at the dark windows and listening to the sound of the water in the distance. His keys were in his hand, as were his second pack of cigarettes for the day. He'd finished the first on the way home, and had stopped to buy a second shortly before he arrived on his street. He'd smoked three cigarettes just standing on the sidewalk looking at the place.

"Julian, what are you doing?" Logan's eyes seemed fluorescent. They lit up the darkness around Julian, and even though they were hazy, they were still remarkably bright.

"What do you mean?" Julian stuck the cigarette back into his mouth and breathed in before he realized what Logan was talking about. "Oh." Smoke came out with the word.

"That's disgusting, Jules."

"Sorry, but you weren't here, it's not my fault that you-"

"Julian!" Logan pulled the little white stick out of Julian's hand because Julian had put it back up to his mouth. "Stop!"

"No!" Julian exclaimed. He'd tried quitting before. He really had. It hadn't ever lasted for more than an hour at the most.

"Yes!" Logan threw it on the ground and stomped on it. "Give me the rest."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"Jules."

"Please."

"Jules."

"It won't work."

"Jules."

Julian reached into his pocket and handed Logan the pack, if only because the way Logan was looking at him…Well, Julian would have done a lot worse than hand over his easily replaceable pack of cigarettes because Logan asked him to.

"My medication doesn't work so well at night. It sort of wears off around 1am," Logan said calmly.

"Doesn't seem like it," Julian huffed, looking longingly at the small package in Logan's hand.

"Well it does," Logan snapped.

"Ah, there we go."

"Shut up and let me talk."

"Maybe I don't want to hear whatever you have to say."

"Maybe you _have_ to hear it."

"How did you find me?"

"Jules. It's not that hard to find you. You're a movie star."

"Oh. Right."

"These stupid, filthy, disgusting things are messing with your brain."

"Actually, they're what keep me even mildly sane."

"And they're what will make you dead."

"Maybe I want to be dead."

Silence. Julian shifted his weight from one leg to the other. A breeze blew his hair. The tiny little hairs on his arms stood up from his proximity to Logan, because the blonde had stepped closer.

"You do not want to be dead," Logan growled. "You don't."

"Lots of people smoke for pleasure. I smoke to die."

"No, you don't."

"How can you possibly know that?"

Logan was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, but the moment was over and he was leaning in too close and he was saying, "If you die I will not know what the hell to do with myself."

"I don't care, and I doubt you do, either," Julian said coolly, inwardly wondering what that meant. _If you die I will not know what the hell to do with myself._ What did that mean?

Logan just looked Julian in the eye for a moment. "Are you drunk?"

"No."

"Good, so listen carefully. _You are not allowed to die._"

"And why is that?"

Logan didn't say anything for a long, long time, a time in which he said too much, and then, having spilled his heart out on the pavement, only hoping Julian wouldn't notice it there, he turned and walked away.

**Review.**

**And did you find the **_**Looking for Alaska**_** quote? If you did, kudos to you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for your reviews, as always! If you haven't, please seriously considering leaving me one. I'd love it!**

**CP Coulter is the author of the story this is based off of.**

**Chapter 5**

Julian woke up with a killer hangover. It was very early – 10 am – and he wondered why he had woken up at all. Then he heard it – his cell phone ringing.

He mumbled a curse word and reached over to his bedside table in the dark. He'd drawn all the shades right before downing all the alcohol in the house – which was quite a bit – and collapsing onto his bed, dead to the world.

"Jules?" Logan's voice sounded perky and awake, as though it had been up for hours.

"Logan." Julian's voice was the opposite.

"You up?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"I'm down."

"So you _do_ have a hangover."

"The mother of all hangovers," Julian groaned into his pillow.

"SORRY!" Logan shouted. Julian pulled the phone away from his ear at lightning speed.

"I hate you," he said to the offending object.

"Good to know the feeling's mutual," Logan replied coldly.

The wheels started to turn in Julian's head. "Hey…" he said slowly. "Did you take your pills this morning?"

"I'm about to take them now, as a matter of fact," Logan replied. "I wanted to be in as bitter and hateful a mood as possible when Noah got pissed at me for coming in last night, draining all the alcohol in the apartment – which wasn't much – and falling asleep on the couch. It worked. He left for work slamming the door and all sorts of good stuff."

"That's great," Julian said, rubbing his temple. "Hold on."

He sat up slowly so as not to get any more of a headache than he already had. He pulled a cigarette and lighter from his bedside table and lit up. He took a few puffs before Logan figured out what he was doing.  
>"JULES!" Logan shouted into the phone, but the phone was on the bed and there was nothing Logan could do about it. "JULIAN LARSON-ARMSTRONG!"<p>

Julian took another slow drag before picking up the phone again and innocently saying, "Yes?"

"I cannot leave you alone, can I?" Logan asked.

"Don't you have a job?" Julian returned.

"No."

"Then why don't you get your lazy ass over here?"

.

Julian sat cross-legged on his bed, nursing a glass of wine. It was all that was left after last night. He had loaded up on the Advil Logan had brought for him, and the overall dizziness was receding.

"You know what I think?" He stared into clouded green eyes and remembered a better time – a time when the owner of those eyes – _those eyes_ – wasn't taken, a time when he could have had the eyes, and everything else, if only he'd been able to suck it up and do something about it. But he didn't, and now it was too late, because there was the matter of Noah and also of the fact that Logan did not love him because Logan did not love anyone because Logan did not feel anything at all.

"What?"

"You need to stop taking those meds."

"I can't."

"I'll stop smoking if you stop taking the meds."

Logan looked at Julian for awhile. "That's not a good deal," he said. "Because Noah will never let me stop."

"Noah isn't the boss of you."

"Neither are you." The voice was soft, the words biting, the overall delivery poor.

"I've known you longer."

"No, you haven't."

"I've known you since freshman year of high school."

"You didn't know me for nine years. Nine years after that when Noah was there and you weren't."

No response came from Julian's lips, slightly parted, then pushed up to a wine glass and drinking deeply, finishing off the bottle.

"You still need to quit."

"Quit what?"

"Smoking."

"I can't."

"Do it for me."

"I can't."

"Jules."

"No, Lo, that's not going to work. Maybe it worked a little bit before, but you don't understand the power that it has over me. I need it. If I didn't have it…I'd have nothing." Julian's voice was broken, he felt naked, he felt like Logan could see everything, but Logan could see nothing, he had never seen anything, Julian was too good at hiding it, too skilled for his own good.

"I'll help you." Logan paused, opened his mouth, closed it. Opened it. "You'll have me."

"Can't I have you and still smoke?"

"…no."

Julian shook his head slowly, once, twice, three times. He couldn't do it. As much as he wanted to do it for Logan, he couldn't.

Logan stood up. He didn't say anything, just stood up. Staring at Julian, he turned around, keeping eye contact until he couldn't anymore. And then he walked out of Julian's dark bedroom.

Julian picked up a fresh pack and contemplated it.

He could hear Logan's footsteps in the hall as they slowly, slowly, very slowly walked away from Julian.

He looked at the package of cigarettes, of the thing which he so heavily depended on, the thing that made him happy, and he wondered…Did Logan make him happier than the small white sticks? Maybe Logan was just as bad for him as they were, but Logan made him happier, he knew. Suddenly, his heart swelled and he knew and he was running out of the bedroom, throwing the pack at Logan, and shouting.

He didn't know what he was shouting, he was a little bit drunk, this wasn't a good idea, not at all, but maybe it was the best idea he'd had in 9 years.

"Do you promise to quit?" Logan's hands were circling Julian's wrists, their faces were up against each other's, foreheads almost touching.

"Yes."

"Say it like you mean it."

"YES!"

"Why?"

Julian, blood pulsing through his veins, couldn't figure out the answer to this one-word question, so he stayed silent for a long time until Logan let him go.

"I'm not going to let you out of my sight," Logan said.

"What about the bathroom?" Julian asked, smirking.

Logan sighed. "I'll just check the bathroom and your pockets before you go in there. If I smell any smoke I will come in and I do not care how naked you are, I'll…" He trailed off and he and Julian both imagined what might happen, but neither would tell the other what they were imagining.

"What about Noah?" Julian asked.

"He won't mind."

"Yes, he will."

"You're right."

"And you have to stop taking the pills."

"I can't."

"I can't stop smoking."

"It's not my decision, it isn't in my control." Logan was looking at his shoes.

"It's your body, your temper, your problem. Not his."

"I don't really care…"

"Well, I do."

"Then you talk to him."

Julian looked at Logan for a moment before asking, "Where does he work?"

"I can take you there."

"Let's go."


	6. Chapter 6

**By the way, for this chapter I made up some stuff about Logan, because I didn't feel like scrolling all the way through CP Coulter's tumblr to find the information.**

**Chapter 6**

"Who do you think you are?" Julian asked, storming into the small white room.

Three pairs of curious eyes looked up at him. The writers for the new tv show that Noah had been hired to work on were still in the planning stages of the show, as Logan had told Julian on the way here. Apparently they were thinking of possible characters, and Julian had been vehement that he _not_ be cast on a show where he'd have to work with Noah.

"Julian Larson?" One of the writers stood up. "Hello, I'm Jacob." He held out his hand, but Julian ignored him, looking straight at Noah.

"We need to talk."

Noah looked nervously at Jacob and the other man, who was staring at Julian like Julian was a god or something who'd burst into the room with rainbows and flowers rather than yelling at Noah.

"I'm busy right now," he said carefully.

"Well, I'm not. You better come and I mean right now." Julian was practically foaming at the mouth.

"I can't leave right now," Noah said slowly, as though he were talking to a small child.

Julian ground his teeth. "I think you can."

"No. I don't think so."

"I do. I'll _never_," Julian looked at the other two writers now, "be on your stupid show if you don't come outside right now and listen to what I have to say."

"GO!" Jacob exclaimed, still standing.  
>"Yeah. Go. Don't worry, we needed a break anyway," said the other guy.<p>

Noah looked at them helplessly, then shrugged and walked through the door, feigning nonchalance. Julian nodded at the two men before leaving the room behind Noah.

He followed Noah out into the lot. They found a secluded spot in a small alleyway where no one was at the moment.

"We need to talk about Logan," Julian said.

"Damn right we do," Noah replied. "I don't like the way you two talk to each other."

"That's not what we're talking about," Julian replied. "And I'm straight."

Noah eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing.

"What we _are_ talking about…" Julian pulled something from his pocket. "Is this." It was Logan's pill bottle.

"What are you doing with that?" Noah reached for it but Julian pulled it back.

"This…" He eyed the small bottle, with a few little green pills inside it. "Is not yours."

"It isn't yours, either!" Noah exclaimed.

"Right." Julian tossed it up and caught it. "So you admit that it isn't yours."

"_Logan_ is mine."

"I take it you understand who he is, then? Who he _really_ is?"

"Of course I do."

"Right. Tell me, then. His favorite color?"

Silence.

"Favorite book?"

Silence.

"Favorite childhood memory."

"And do you know all of these things?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Blue, Where the Red Fern Grows, and when he made his first real friend at some art exhibit he was dragged to." Julian rattled this off without even thinking about it. "So why don't you know this, and I do?"

"He never told me," Noah said defensively.

"And why is that?"

Noah didn't have a good response for this, though he thought of several: _I never asked. I didn't care. He didn't want to tell me._ None sounded good, and he was already too jealous of this Julian guy…

Noah wasn't an idiot. He knew that Logan wasn't himself with the medications, but he also knew that without medications he was completely unbearable. Marrying a senator's son was the best thing Noah had ever done. It had vaulted him into the business world and gotten him lots of money in the 5 years they'd been married. And call him crazy…but Noah wanted to keep things just the way they were.

Logan wasn't that bad when he was drugged up. So Noah tried to keep it that way. In some ways, he could find it in his heart to love Logan. Usually, he couldn't. But it was alright. Noah was willing to face a life with someone he didn't love as long as it got him plenty of money. And money was something that Logan definitely had.

So be damned if he was going to give up all that money and all that opportunity for some actor who wasn't even that hot.

"Because that stuff isn't important," Noah said finally, calmly, looking levelly at Julian.

Julian was no competition, none at all. Logan hadn't even talked about him. Sure, if Noah thought about it enough, Logan did read tabloids an awful lot, and he did watch every movie that Julian Larson was in, but that was because he knew Julian. Noah convinced himself that he would've done the same if he'd been friends with a famous actor in high school.

"How is that not important?" Julian asked now. "That's the stuff friendships are built off of. That's the stuff that _love_ is built off of. Not saying that Logan and I are in love, but _you_ and Logan sure as hell aren't."

"I love Logan and Logan loves me," Noah replied defensively.

"Right." Julian nodded. "Of course. Sorry to challenge it. So of course, since you love him, you'll allow him to stop taking those pills, right?"

"No, why would-"

"Do you honestly need a Hollywood movie star, an actor who can't even pick his own wife right, who's had more affairs than you can count on your fingers and toes, to tell you what love is? Because I know. Trust me, I know what love is. Love is when you want more for that person than you can offer them. Love is when you know what they want and you do everything you can to give it to them. Love is when, even though it's tearing you up inside, you still do what they want because you love them that much." Julian was squinting into the sun now. "So no, you don't love him. Because obviously what he wants is to stop taking those meds."

"He never told me that," Noah replied in a fake calm voice.

"I'm sure he did. I remember the fights he and Derek used to have – you do know who Derek is?"

"Yes, I've met Derek."

"-because Derek wanted him to take them and he didn't."

"And you never wanted him to take them?"

"Never."

"Are you saying that you lo-"

"No. I was his best friend. That entitles a different kind of love, not…not that kind. But still love – and so yeah, I wanted what he wanted even if it wasn't what was best for him."

"Love is realizing what's best for someone and making them do that thing because it will benefit in the long run."

"Not at all."

"Please give me those pills."

"No, I don't think I will."

"I can just get more."

"Good luck getting him to take them, once they've worn off."

Noah's eyes widened and Julian had proof of the kind of fights that must have taken place when Noah began to force Logan to take the medication.

Of course, Julian was blind and he couldn't really tell what had actually happened.

"_I WILL NEVER, EVER DO WHAT YOU WANT!" Logan shouted, pushing over a chair._

"_Logan, you're scaring me."_

"_WHY SHOULD I TAKE THOSE STUPID PILLS WHEN ALL THEY DO IS MAKE ME FORGET EVERYTHING I EVER FELT HAPPY ABOUT?" Logan kicked another chair in the dining room of their brand new apartment._

"_And everything you ever felt sad about," Noah mused, feigning calm when really he was pushed up against the wall, heart racing._

_Logan glared at him. "What do you mean, everything I ever felt sad about?"_

"_Oh…" Noah played his hand well. "Lost love, love that could have been…" _

_At this, Logan pushed all the silverware off the table – they'd been in the middle of dinner._

"_I've never have a love that could have been. I've never been in love," Logan said, seething. "Until I met you, of course." He practically dared Noah to contradict._

_Noah held out the pills._

_Logan snatched them from his hand. "Fine."_


	7. Chapter 7

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**CP Coulter owns this stuff.**

**Chapter 7**

"How'd it go?" Logan was walking so quickly that Julian almost had to jog to keep up with him. Most boys stopped growing in their teens, but it seemed that Logan had continued to grow after Julian left, now making his strides far too long for Julian's liking.

"I hate that guy," Julian replied. "But I have the pills and I'm not letting him get them."

"He'll just call the pharmacy and get-"

"He can't. You're over 18, right? It seems like he shouldn't be able to get medicine for you without your consent."

"I think my consent is written down somewhere. I really don't know. He always just gets it for me and then expects me to take it and…for some reason, I do."

"Why?"

In lieu of response, Logan motioned to a bench. They were walking through a park somewhere in LA, they weren't entirely sure where.

Julian sat down, Logan sat next to him, careful to keep enough distance between them so that they didn't touch at all.

"I can't tell you. But there were a lot of…" Logan laughed hollowly. "…ghosts, I guess you could call them. From the past. I hid from them. I hid in my own medication, my own haziness, numbness. It was like…like your smoking."

Julian shifted uncomfortably. He suddenly really, really wanted a smoke. But Logan was here, and that wasn't going to happen. He pushed down the desire.

"But a hell of a lot more healthy," Logan added.

"Right. Sure. Because hiding from your own feelings is healthy," Julian responded.

"You do it, too," Logan said bitterly.

"How do you know that?" Julian did not deny it, because that would be downright lying and Logan would see through it. Now that Logan was off his meds, he was a lot more dangerous, and Julian had to be a lot more careful. If he said the wrong thing, Logan could go running out of his life. And Julian could not handle that, not again.

"Everyone does, but I can just sense it about you. And why do you – _did you_," pointed look at Julian, who swallowed down the longing for a cigarette and for Logan, "smoke?"

"I smoke because it feels good and everyone else-"

"It feels good and everyone else does it. What are you, a high schooler? Jules, you need to grow up, you need to look at the facts and see that people _die_…" Logan's bright green eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

_Oh, right, because he isn't on his medication…He probably hasn't ever actually felt pain about Michelle's death,_ Julian thought, biting his lip. What should he do?

"Ignore it," Logan growled. "It doesn't matter. We're talking about you here."

"Right." Julian nodded. "Okay, me. But I already agreed to quitting, what more do you want?"

"I want…" Logan wiped his eyes, staring at his wet finger like it was someone else's. "I want…" He sniffed. "I want…" His eyes went dead. His upright posture drooped. He stared at the ground. "I want a mom who cares about me. I know I'm – I know I'm 26…" He drew his palm across his cheek, and Julian, in an act of daring he wouldn't expect from himself, grabbed Logan's hand. He pulled it close, putting it on his lap, and held it tight between his two hands.

"There are people around," Logan said miserably. "Wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea."

_The right idea,_ Julian corrected in his mind, but this wasn't the time for coming out of the closet, and so he did not say this.

"I don't care," he said instead. He meant it. People could look and see and take pictures and do all the usual stuff they did in Hollywood, and Julian would be there, holding hands with Logan because Logan needed someone to hold his hand.

"Noah might see."

"Noah is at work."

"In the tabloids."

"Do you care? I can let go." Julian started to release his grip, but, as predicted, Logan held tighter.

"If you don't care, I don't care," Logan said, tears now flowing down his cheeks.

"It's alright to cry," Julian said. He forced a laugh. "I cried on set last night. I pretty much got kicked out. I have to go back tonight…Don't know how I'll face them. Alone. Without a cigarette…"

"You won't be alone," Logan said, turning to him. "I'll be there."

"Why?"

"So I can make sure that you _are_ facing them without a cigarette."

Julian smiled grimly. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"I'm allowed, right?"

"I'm the biggest star they have. I can cry in the middle of a beautiful scene and no one will be able to do a thing about it. It was funny, the director and my co-star were yelling at me and I just kind of sat there with tears on my face and dared the director to fire me and…he couldn't." Julian laughed. Logan laughed – it was a little more hollow and not quite real, but it almost counted as a laugh.

"Why did you cry in the middle of a beautiful scene?" Logan asked.

"I was afraid you'd say that, too," Julian replied. He didn't give any hint of telling Logan precisely why he was crying, and Logan realized that there was a snowball's chance in hell that he'd ever find out why Julian had cried in the middle of a beautiful scene.

"What time do you have to be at the studio?"

"10."

A comfortable silence fell. That was how it was with Julian and Logan, back in high school. They could talk to each other for hours, bickering, usually, because their personalities clashed and even the tiniest little thing could set them off. But then when one of them needed the other, they both found it in their hearts to get along very well, and to be personable and understanding – not either of their strong suits. And sometimes what was needed was a little silence and togetherness, and that was okay, preferred, sometimes, over talking.

Like now.

Logan thought about Michelle – how she'd been the one who cared for him and called him once a week to check up on him. She'd come to his wedding and she'd screamed when he announced the engagement to his father and her…

"_This is Noah," Logan said, because this doubled as both the introduction and the engagement announcement. Logan had needed a distraction, a husband, quickly, and Noah had been oh-so-happy to oblige. "Noah, this is my dad, you know him…" He trailed off because Noah and Logan's dad were already shaking hands – Noah much more enthusiastically than Logan's dad. "And Michelle. My step-mom."_

"_Nice to meet you," Noah said with an awkward little wave._

"_Noah and I…" Logan was a deep red, not something that usually happened to him except in anger, "…are engaged." He held up his hand half-heartedly, showing off the gold ring, shining dully in the light of his dad's living room._

_Michelle screamed. "Oh, Logan, honey, I'm so happy for you!" She gathered Logan into a hug, a comical experience seeing as Logan was about a head taller than her. "And Noah! Welcome to the family."_

_As Michelle hugged Noah, Logan looked to his dad. His father nodded at him. "That's great news," he said without any feeling whatsoever except for the tiny hint of resentment. "Have a nice life with him."_

_And then a minute later Noah and Logan were on the front stoop and the door was being slammed shut._


	8. Chapter 8

**So chapter 25 of Dalton was updated, and I doubt my own personal updates were missed in the wake of that. There was very little Jogan in it, and a lot of Blogan. But I will NOT jump ship! I do believe in Jogan, I do.**

**Review if you do, too!**

**And stalk me on tumblr. I have drabbles on there that I post every now and then. flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com (remove the spaces)**

**Chapter 8**

"This is my friend, Logan," Julian said to the director, who eyed Logan like he was some highly contagious disease. In fact, he eyed Julian like he was a highly contagious disease, as well.

"Will he be keeping you from crying tonight?" the director asked.

Julian faked a laugh. "Good one," he said sarcastically. "And yes, hopefully."

"He your boyfriend or something?" the director asked gruffly.

Logan and Julian both glared at him. "We're both married," Julian said quickly, moving his hand to grab Logan's arm, which was twitching toward the director. Logan pulled free of Julian's grasp and seethed next to Julian, but he didn't do anything more. Julian hadn't broken eye contact with the director this whole time.

There was an awkward silence. "Oh, I thought you were…"

"Do I look gay?" Julian asked, pursing his lips angrily before realizing that this probably didn't help his argument.

"A little, yes."

Julian ground his teeth. "I have to be in makeup right now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Tell them to make it waterproof," the director called after him.

Julian's teeth again ground against each other, but he grabbed Logan's arm – Logan was staring the director down with murder in his bright green eyes – and pulled him off toward the makeup room.

"Who is that and can I kill him?" Logan asked in a loud voice as Julian dragged him past the people whose job it was to make sure no one tripped over cords, and the people whose job it was to turn on a single light, and the people whose job it was to bring Julian coffee.

"Thank you," Julian said politely to one such person, taking the coffee cup they handed him. He sipped it, and offered it to Logan. "Want some?"

Logan took it and took three big gulps before giving it back to Julian. "Thanks. Needed that. But still. Can I kill him?"

"He's the director," Julian replied, "and not yet. After the premiere of the movie you can do whatever you want."

Logan nodded. "Man, it feels _so good_ to be able to feel angry again! Like I could and would just rip someone's head off. You have no idea how much I missed this." He flexed his fingers as though he could just feel them pushing someone into a wall.

"Glad I could help," Julian replied as he walked through the door into the makeup room.

"Julian, finally. I heard about last night, are you alright, darling?" The hair artist – the one who made sure Julian's hair looked natural and good by mussing her hands through it, usually by kissing him – for this movie was none other than Tori, Julian's too-pushy ex-girlfriend from when he was 16. She still seemed to think her feelings for him were reciprocated (she disregarded his marriage entirely, never so much as acknowledging it, which led Julian to wonder if she even knew about Loe). She greeted him with a passionate kiss. Julian returned it for a moment, before pulling away. "Ah, your mouth doesn't take like cigs as much as it usually does," Tori said. She whipped a pack out of her pocket. "You want one?"

Julian's eyes visibly widened and he was dangerously close to taking one when Logan sidestepped right in between them and held out his hand. "I'll have that," he said, taking a cigarette from the pack. He then proceeded to push it against Tori's forehead, leaving a small stain, before he dropped it and pushed it into the floor with his shoe.

Tori looked at him wide-eyed. "Who are _you_?" she asked rudely, wiping at her forehead.

"Logan Wright. Julian's best friend."

Julian was looking around the makeup room, trying to stay as uninvolved in the whole thing as possible. He was saved from further secondhand embarrassment on both Tori and Logan's parts by Marie coming up and pulling him wordlessly into a chair. She started to do some very light makeup work, just a touch-up and getting rid of the circles under his eyes that Julian was always being yelled at for. He usually said it was just because of a lack of iron in his diet, but no one really believed him.

Logan and Tori stood there bickering until Marie yelled at Tori for not doing her job and Tori came over to mess with Julian's hair until it ended up exactly the same way as it was in the beginning.

Logan sat on a counter in front of Julian, watching the whole thing – which, thankfully, only lasted about 10 minutes – wordlessly.

As Julian and Logan left the makeup room, Logan said to him quietly, "It's like you're a doll that they're dressing up for a tea party or something."

"Sometimes I feel like that's the case." Julian steered Logan toward the stairwell. They headed up the stairs onto the roof, where there was another fake fire going and the cameras were all set up and the lead actress was frowning and yelling at a group of technicians for the fact that the fire was way too close to the edge of her dress and she might catch on fire.

Julian strode over, Logan on his heels, to help the poor technicians. "Caroline," he said fake-kindly to the actress, "if you're so worried about catching on fire then why did you choose to do this movie which is called On Fire and involves you almost being burned in a fire?"

"They _asked_ me," Caroline said, with a flip of the hair and a sideways glance at the tall blonde boy with the gorgeous eyes behind Julian, "and I couldn't just tell them _no_."

"If you back up the fire," Julian said to the technicians, switching tactics, "it won't be on camera anymore when they get those close-up side shots from all the cameras over there." He pointed. "So if you do back the fire up, you'll need to wrap it around a bit more until…" He bit his lip. "About where Seth is standing. Then it'll look like we're too far out of danger, though, and besides it would be hard to make more barriers and more flame-resistant material to cover the roof with, and you'd have to paint that the same color as the roof over there, because see the grains are a little different…" He bent down to run his hands along the roof. "You see how these ones are a tannish color? And that's the color the flame-resistant coverings were painted over there." He pointed again to the blazing fire that burned under the watchful eye of several firefighters. "But then if you look closely over there, you see it's a little darker, and that'll really show up when they enhance the colors because they have to brighten it so the fire looks more realistic and scary. So you'll have to either paint the roof or the coverings, your call."

Caroline was staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

"And Caroline, you might want to close your mouth, you look kind of stupid right now," he said to the actress, who clamped her mouth shut before opening it to say hastily, "You know, I changed my mind, I'm sure I'll be fine. Just leave it where it is." And then she huffed off.

"Thanks, Julian," said one of the technicians, a brunette with long hair pulled back in a ponytail. "We owe you one."

"Don't mention it. I'm always here to make things sound tougher and more complicated than they really are to scare off amateurs who think they know what they're doing." Julian laughed and patted her on the shoulder affectionately as she walked away. "She's my favorite," he whispered. "She's more down-to-earth than anyone on this whole roof. And really funny. We usually go for coffee after shooting."

Logan was just staring at him.

"What?" Julian asked. "Do I have something in my teeth? Dammit, you'd think Marie would've told me about it…" He stuck his pinky nail in his mouth to pick his teeth.

"No, no, you're fine, you look…great." Logan smiled faintly. "It's just weird to see you here. Where you're so clearly in your element."

"And I'm not in my element anywhere else?" Julian asked, smiling at a camera operator as he walked past.

"Not really," Logan said. "You always seem a little…Oh, I don't know. Just…on your guard? Maybe like you're not comfortable? How should I know, I haven't seen you in 9 years. It's just…you really know what you're doing here. You seem…happy."

Julian smiled at Logan. "Good of you to notice." His heart was swelling inside, but he wished it wouldn't. He didn't want his hopes up and have them be dashed. He had to remind himself of Noah, Logan's husband. Remember Noah. _Remember that Logan isn't available and he doesn't like you because he never did before._


	9. Chapter 9

**Heya, readers! Can I just give you all a big hug? I love each and every one of you more than you can ever imagine. **

**CP Coulter owns these characters.**

**Chapter 9**

"You…you saved me."

"No. Jessica, _you_ saved _me._"

"How is that possible, when you are all I ever wanted and I am…small. Insignificant."

"Jessica, I didn't run through a burning fire for nothing. I didn't jump through a wall of flames…" He winced, touching his side, where the jacket he wore was burned. "…for nothing. I did it for love."

"Are you alright?" She leaned over to examine his jacket more carefully.

He stared into her eyes. "I lo-"

And someone knocked over a light. Julian immediately looked up to make sure it wasn't Logan – that would be terribly embarrassing – but Logan was sitting in Julian's chair, looking at the scene nonchalantly.

"CUT!" the director yelled, a vein bulging in his temple. "Who did that?" he demanded.

Julian stood up to stretch his legs. Caroline laid down on the ground, feigning total exhaustion and hoping someone would pay attention to her.

"Everyone take five," the director called, and Julian sauntered over to Logan.

"To be honest," Logan said the minute Julian was within hearing range, "I liked your acting better in _Tombstone_. But that's just me."

"_Tombstone_ was so easy," Julian replied. "The dialogue was so predictable that I barely had to memorize it at all, the actress was hot, unlike Caroline, who I look at and…ugh." He shuddered. "It's not that she isn't pretty. It's just…" He leaned closer. "Lo, she thinks _she runs the world_."

"And there's something wrong with that mentality?" Logan asked, eyebrow raised.

Julian smirked. "You actually do it with some class. She just…" He cast a long glance at her, still lying on the ground, looking around for someone to take pity on her.

"Anyway, _Tombstone_ was sort of boring to film because it was _so_ easy. Honestly, I was just…" He looked distracted for a minute before he said, "Okay, Lo, as much as I'd love to stand here and chat, I _really_ have to pee. Be back in a sec?"

Logan narrowed his eyes. "I'm coming with you."

Julian forced a laugh. "Lo. You don't have to come with me to the bathroom."

"How do I know you _really_ have to pee, and it isn't just that fire that's making you wistful for a smoke?"

Julian started to walk away, and Logan stood and followed. Julian stopped someone and told her that he was going to the bathroom and would be back in a minute. She agreed to tell the director.

Julian turned to Logan and, as they walked down the steps into the building, said, "This director made me wait 3 hours to go to the bathroom last week, so now I don't even ask him. I just go."

"He can't fire you, right?"

"Nope."

"Good, 'cause you'd be out in a second if he could."

There was a silence as Julian opened the door to the bathroom. "You are waiting out here, right?"

"Of course." Logan, looking very much like a security guard, stood next to the bathroom door as Julian went in and did his business.

"Thanks," Julian said sarcastically when he emerged.

"Not a problem." Logan leaned in close to Julian. For a minute Julian didn't know what he was doing, and his heart sped up and he thought maybe Logan would kiss him and it was alright because there was nobody there, they were all on the roof. But then Logan took a deep sniff and Julian seemed to pass the test. "You're clear."

"Thanks, but I knew that," Julian replied scornfully.

"Whoa, chill, I'm just trying to help," Logan said.

"I'm fine. I don't even really want a cigarette."

Logan rolled his eyes. "You will."

"I'll take that bet."

"Okay. Five bucks says that you'll wake up tomorrow morning and-"

"Julian Larson, get your ass back up here right now!"

"Duty calls," Julian said, and the two men turned to go upstairs. "As you were saying?"

"Five bucks says that you'll wake up tomorrow morning and try to kill me in an attempt to get to your cigarette stash."

"I don't have a cigarette stash."

Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, it's a bet. Five dollars."

.

Logan spent the night at Julian's beach house, which made Noah very angry, but Logan promised Julian he'd deal with it.

Julian didn't have to film the next day – it was supposed to rain all day. So he and Logan had gotten a movie off Netflix since Julian didn't have to wake up early for work. Logan had wanted to get _Tombstone_ because he said sometimes he just randomly got a craving for Julian's movies.

Julian wasn't quite sure how that _wasn't_ flirting, but he told himself that it wasn't, it couldn't be. Because Logan had a husband.

_Right,_ said the cynical part of his mind. _Because he's at his house with his husband right now, sitting on the couch, sharing popcorn, drinking coffee, and arguing about movies to watch._

Julian told his mind to shut up and suggested they watch Saw because he didn't want anything with even a little bit of romance in it.

.

Julian had five dollars in his hand when he went to wake Logan up in the guest room. It took the blonde a minute to get his bearings, but once he realized that he was being handed five dollars by Julian Larson, and he figured out _why_ Julian might hand him five dollars, he scrambled out of bed to shove the bill back into Julian's hand.

"Are you giving me this so you don't have to follow through with the part of the bet where you try to kill me?" he demanded. In the dimly lit bedroom, he looked perfect to Julian. And he would look significantly less perfect when Julian told him the truth.

"No, I'm giving you this because you won the bet." He looked down sheepishly.

Logan eyed him suspiciously. "You mean you…?"

"Yeah."

Logan surprised Julian by slapping him across the face. "That is _not_ going to help things, Jules."

"But it felt so good," Julian said, still looking at the floor, rubbing his arm and biting his lip.

Logan couldn't stay mad at him. He looked too…

Helpless?

Fragile?

Adorable?

Logan shook his head to clear it of these thoughts. "I have to call Noah," Logan said. "And for the record, Jules…I'm going through this house and I am _finding_ your hidden stash and I am _destroying_ it all." He pulled out his phone and, turning away from Julian, dialed his husband.

Julian stared at Logan's blonde hair and contemplated it and the green eyes he knew were on the other side of Logan's head. He imagined them flashing as Noah picked up with a harsh, "Hello?"

"What are _you_ so pissed about?" Logan shot back.

"The fact that you had a little sleepover at another guy's house last night without my permission." Noah was speaking very loudly, so his every word was audible. Julian moved closer to Logan as Logan's shoulders tensed.

"The guy is _straight_," Logan growled. "And it's none of your-"

"It's none of my business?" Noah scoffed. "How is it none of my business? Logan, that was out of line. At least invite him to our apartment if you really _have _to spend every moment with him. How do I know what you two are doing over there?"

"Because you trust me. Because you know that I have to help my friend. And if we came to our apartment, he'd just want to smoke even more because you are such an asshole!" Logan was visibly seething, Julian could tell from just looking at the way his back arched and his shoulders moved up and down with each deep breath he took to try to calm himself. It wasn't working.

"You did not just call me an asshole, Logan," Noah said, as though saying it would make it true.

"Actually," Logan replied, "I did."

"You love me, Logan," Noah reminded him.

"Of course I do," Logan snapped. "But I'm helping a good friend of mine, who is _not_ gay, I don't see how this is threatening for you."

"You don't know that, Logan! You haven't known him for 9 years!"

Logan was quiet for a moment. He turned to Julian, flames in his eyes. Julian breathed deeply, telling Logan with his eyes to do the same, and Logan did. It was all Julian could do. He felt helpless, but Logan was married, so anything more than breathing exercises were off-limits. What Julian wanted to do was massage Logan's shoulders, whisper that it was alright, rub circles on his back… But Logan was married, and Julian was married, and Julian had had several affairs in his life but he'd stopped that years ago and didn't want to go back, especially not now, not with Logan. As much as Julian wanted to, he respected Logan far more than he ever respected Loe or any of the girls he had sex with.

"Logan?" Noah's voice came from the phone.

"Yes?" Logan kept eye contact with Julian, a look of anger and fear in his eyes. Julian wasn't sure why the fear was there.

"I will not allow you to sleep at another man's house tonight."

Logan's eyes widened, Julian looked into them calmly, and let go of Logan's shoulder with his right hand. He reached up to the cell phone, clutched in Logan's hand, and gently pried it away.

"Noah?" he said, holding it up to his ear.

"Julian?" Noah sounded pissed.

Without breaking eye contact, Julian said, "I am straight. You can look me up online and read about my wife and children. You can read about all the affairs I've had with women. You can read about my girlfriends before I got married. It's not that hard to do background research about someone before accusing them of sleeping with your husband."

"I-I'm not-" Noah stammered.

"Yes, you are," Julian replied calmly. "If you'd like us to stay in your apartment…" He stopped when he saw Logan vehemently shaking his head. "Then that's your problem," he continued smoothly. Logan smiled. "You need to trust your husband not to cheat on you, even without his medication."

"Yes, about that…Can you put him back on the phone?" Noah asked.

"No," Julian replied.

"Why not?"

"Quite frankly, I'm scared for your well-being and the well-being of my furniture and valuables if he talks to you any longer."

"Just tell him to be home at 9 PM tonight, or he's getting kicked out," Noah said, sighing.

"I'll tell him," Julian replied before shutting the phone with finality.

"What. The. Hell." Logan looked like he wanted to punch something.

"It's alright. I'll go with you at 9. Don't worry. Until then…" He stood thoughtfully for a moment, trying to figure out if this was a good idea or not. "Can we go to my house and get some stuff I left there and say hi to my kids? They probably don't miss me, but…" A sadness that was familiar to him crept up on him suddenly, and his throat ached for a cigarette. But Logan was here, and Julian wasn't going to get that cigarette.


	10. Chapter 10

**I love your reviews. They make my day, my night, and then my next day after that. Fantastic. 3**

**CP Coulter owns these characters.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

Julian grabbed his sunglasses from the table in the front hall and put them on. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked pale and sickly, but he wasn't sure if that was just because that's how he felt, or if he really looked like that.

"Lo," he said, pulling open the front door and letting Logan pass through before closing it behind them. "Do I look like someone suffering from the flu?"

Logan appraised Julian in the early morning drizzle. "A little bit," he replied. "Are you?"

"No," Julian snapped, regretting even asking Logan. He turned on his heel and strode down the front lawn to the sidewalk. "I wish I had a car here," he grumbled.

"Why are you in such a foul mood?" Logan asked, keeping up with Julian easily.

"Maybe you hadn't noticed, Lo, but my life is _kind of falling apart._" Julian didn't plan on elaborating on this, but suddenly he found his mouth opening and words spilling out. "My wife, who always turns her head when I come home drunk, and who completely supports me in my decision to smoke like three packs a day-"

"Whoa. Three packs a day?"

"Yeah."

"You told me one."

"I said one on a good day."

Logan didn't respond, so Julian continued. "-has suddenly turned out to be this complete homophobic which maybe shouldn't bother me as much as it does but then again yeah, it probably should."

"Why?"

"I'm not gracing that with a response."

"What do you mean?"

"My best friend happens to be the gayest guy I know."

"Who?" Logan asked, before realizing exactly who and then saying, "We're best friends?"

Julian looked at him with a look that Logan couldn't describe. "Of course."

"But we haven't seen each other for-"

"If I've learned anything in the past nine years, it's that you can't let go of anything in your past," Julian replied simply.

Logan nodded like he understood, but really he didn't.

"Anyway, I kind of knew it all along, and that's what kills me. I knew she was like that. I knew she was a wicked and terrible and ugly human being, but it took _you_ coming back into my life for me to realize that, which kills me because it's like…" _What kind of power do you still have over me? Is it even stronger than before? _"…Logan Wright is not the person you'd want to fix all your problems," Julian said lamely.

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?" Logan demanded.

"That you can't even handle the very obvious problems in your own life. I don't want you to be handling mine." Julian didn't look at Logan as he said this, because it was complete and utter bull. Yes, Logan couldn't handle the very obvious problems in his own life, but Julian very much wanted Logan to help Julian handle _his_ problems.

"Gee. Thanks." Logan rolled his eyes. "You know how to make a guy feel good about himself."

Julian's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that it was from Clark. '**What are you doing on this lovely rainy day?**'

Julian quickly typed, '**Wishing I could die in a hole.**' But Logan saw it over his shoulder and said indignantly, "Excuse me, you're with me!"

Julian appraised him, before pressing send on his phone. Logan glared at him.

"And to think I thought you mildly enjoyed spending time with me."

"I _do _mildly enjoy spending time with you-"

"Julian Larson!" A man with a notebook, pen, and a camera with a very large telephoto lens ran up to Julian. He and Logan stopped where they were walking in the middle of the sidewalk. "Hello, I have a few questions for you, do you have a minute?"

Julian looked at Logan and rolled his eyes. He was about to lie and say that yes, he had a minute, when Logan said, "What if you were having a private conversation and I ran up and was about to question you about your personal life? Would that make you feel good? Huh?" He stepped closer to the reporter.

"It's fine," Julian said disinterestedly, because he wanted to seem like he was making an effort to stop Logan when really he wanted to cheer Logan on for doing what he never had the courage to do. And that was tell people how he really felt.

"That's different," the reporter said, getting angry too. "You aren't famous."

"Do you wanna bet?" Logan asked, green eyes cutting dagger into the reporter.

"Alright. So you're famous. Who are you then, and why have I never seen you?"

"My dad is a US Senator," Logan said, sneering.

The reporter looked taken aback. "Oh." He stepped back and looked to Julian. "If you don't want to…"

"I don't really want to, sorry." Julian gave an apologetic smile and the reporter went on his way, glancing back at Logan every now and then.

"Thanks," Julian said, sighing with relief once the reporter had turned a corner and Julian and Logan had continued walking.

"I was afraid you might be upset…" Logan said.

Julian's phone buzzed just as Logan's. They both pulled them out of their pockets, and opened the texts. Julian smiled, Logan groaned.

The text from Clark was pleasant.** That sounds nice. Just make sure you're at the usual table at Starbucks at 5 PM, k?**

The text from Noah was unpleasant. **Get your ass over here now, Logan.**

Logan ignored Noah's text, and plucked Julian's phone out of his hand. "Is this that Clark guy who was on Something Damaged with you?"

"Yeah. He's my best Hollywood friend." Julian took Logan's phone from Logan's hands and read the message. "That guy is a jerk. How can you stand being married to him?"

Logan smiled wryly. "The same way we all handle something unpleasant." He gave Julian his phone back and pried his own phone from Julian's hands (Julian had been squeezing it too tightly in his anger at Noah). "One step at a time." He deleted Noah's text. "Also, the numbness really helped."

"Now that it's wearing off…" Julian hit Reply and let it sit there for a minute, trying to figure out if the combination of Clark and Logan would be a good one or a bad one.

"I'm screwed." Logan slid his phone back into his pocket. "And if you're trying to figure out how best to tell me that Clark and I won't get along, I think it'll be fine. I'm civil to my husband, I can be civil to Clark."

Julian laughed but it sounded more like a cough. "Right. You're civil to your husband. I'd say that your _medication_ is civil to your husband. _You_, on the other hand, are more hostile toward him than you are toward…me."

Logan wondered at Julian's choice of comparison as Julian typed in a response (**Sounds great. Logan's coming too.**).

"I'm not hostile toward you," Logan said as Julian put the phone in his pocket.

"You used to be," Julian said simply, and turned a corner to see his house, unwelcoming and harsh in the rainy morning.

"Shall we?" Logan asked, gulping.

"You have no idea how terrified you should be right now," Julian said. "It's going to be like a homosexual trial in there."

Logan nodded. "I've lived with my dad. I know what a homosexual trial feels like."

Julian laughed a humorless laugh, and then he and Logan started up the walk.


	11. Chapter 11

**I love your reviews so much, please, if you haven't yet, just take two seconds of your time to tell me that you like my story, what you'd like to see happen, if you wish I'd change anything, what your favorite thing about it is, really anything you want to tell me! (But if you tell me you hate it, that's kind of stinky of you and I'd be a little upset.)**

**CP Coulter owns Julian and Logan! (Jealous…)**

**Tumblr? Sure! Flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com (remove the spaces) I post drabbles occasionally on there, so if you want those, that's where to go!**

**Chapter 11**

The microwave was beeping, the oven was buzzing, and the phone was ringing as Julian and Logan stepped through the door of Julian's house.

Julian quickly stepped forward to the hall phone and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi, would you be interested in taking a quick survey-"

Julian hung up.

"Telemarketer," he explained to Logan.

Logan just nodded, looking around.

"This is really…" He took in the expensive furnishings, the framed paintings, the impeccable cleanliness of it all.

"Nice? Yeah, thanks, Loe did it all." Julian was distracted, looking for something in the hall closet.

"Daddy?" A voice came from upstairs. It was Tabby. She appeared at the top of the stairs. "Daddy!" She practically flew down the steps and into Julian's arms. Julian picked her up and hugged her to him.

"Hey, Tab, I missed you!" He kissed her blonde curly hair.

"Me too, Daddy! I drewed you a picture. You want to see it?" Julian let her down and she ran back up the stairs. Julian followed, motioning to Logan to come with him.

Tabby's bedroom was a purple fairy theme. Julian had painted it for her, using lots of sparkles and purple paint. Her bedspread was Tinker Bell, and a little table was set up in the corner, over which were strewn purple and pink crayons and drawings that she'd done.

She picked up one of the drawings and held it out to Julian, who bent down.

Logan stood leaning against the doorframe, watching silently.

Julian took the picture and appraised it. It was of him – drawn in purple crayon, but Julian knew it was him because Tabby always drew Julian with a big D on his shirt – and Loe – who was in pink and had a big M on her shirt. They were yelling at each other, at least that was what it kind of looked like. They had big circles for mouths and there was some illegible writing between them that Julian thought might say 'I hate you.'

"This is very nice, but it isn't very happy, is it?" Julian handed the picture back to Tabby, but Tabby didn't take it.

"No, you keep it. So you can remember me." She was looking at him with big brown eyes.

"So I can remember you? Where am I going?" Julian looked at her with the same eyes, concern coloring them.

"Mommy said we might never see you again," she said, tears filling her eyes.

Julian pulled her close and said into her ear, "I will never leave you, Tabby. Even if I don't sleep in this house, I'll still come see you every day."

"You promise?" Tabby was crying now, and Julian felt a tear land on his shoulder.

"I do." Julian pulled away and held out his pinkie. "Pinkie swear."

Her little pinkie hooked onto his big one, and they held it there for a moment. Julian bit his lip and tried to push down the tears that welled in his own eyes as he saw them splash down his daughter's face. "I love you," he whispered, because he couldn't trust his voice not to crack if he said this aloud.

"I love you too, Daddy. Please come live with me again."

Julian sighed. "Tabby," he said, lifting her up and sitting on the bed, placing her in his lap. "Your mommy and I love you and your brother very, very much, but we don't love each other as much as we love you. So even though I want to live with you and Jackson forever, and never go anywhere, I don't think I can."

"You and Mommy don't love each other?" Tabby asked, salty water falling into her mouth.

"Not right now." Julian tried to smile. "But it's okay, Tab, because I'm still going to see you all the time!" He touched her nose. "Even if you don't want to see me all the time, I'll still be here. Just call me whenever you need me."

Tabby smiled a teary smile. "I don't want you to go, Daddy."

"I don't want to, either, Tabby." Julian smiled and felt a tear fall down his cheek.

.

"Julian." Loe was holding a clean dish in one hand, a towel in the other. "I thought you'd never come back."

"I needed to get my toothbrush," Julian said coldly, feeling Logan's presence behind him and being comforted and glad he was there.

"Can we please talk about this?" she asked. "And what is he doing here?" She nodded to Logan, who glared at her. She winced and looked back to Julian, who also glared.

"He is my friend. This is my house. He is allowed to be here." He ground his teeth and watched her put the dish into a cupboard and hang the towel on the towel rack.

She turned to him. "Can he give us a moment alone?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now," Julian said. "I came to say hello to my children and pick up some stuff. We can talk later once we've both cooled down a bit."

Loe sighed. "I want to talk to you, Julian."

"But-" Julian started, but Logan cut him off.

"Hi, I'm Logan. Remember? We met. You weren't really paying attention, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't remember." Julian looked at the ceiling. _Please. If there is a higher power in the universe. Please don't let my best friend kill my wife. Or vice versa._

"I remember," Loe replied coldly.

"Ah, good. So we can skip the introduction part. I guess Julian has told you all about me?" Logan knew that Julian had never told Loe about him, just like he had never told Noah about Julian. He'd just let Noah assume that he had a celebrity crush on Julian and left it at that. There had been something too personal about his and Julian's relationship that he didn't want to – no, couldn't – share with Noah. He hadn't completely understood it when he made the decision to the fact of Julian from Noah, but now he thought he might be realizing just how special he and Julian were.

"No, he hasn't told me about you," Loe replied, leaning against the kitchen counter. Julian had stepped aside so Logan could see Loe better and she could see him – read, the warning in his eyes that he hoped would tell her to back off.

"Well that's okay, he hasn't told me about you, either. But I can sort of guess certain things. So…shall I?" He stepped closer, and Loe scrunched herself up against the counter like gay was a contagious disease. "Well first of all, you're homophobic which means you're generally small-minded and probably a little bit racist but you'd never tell anyone, would you?" She didn't respond, only narrowed her eyes at him. He nodded. "Right. Okay. And then there's the fact that you're an idiot, because even though 400,000 people die each year due to smoking related diseases, you've let your husband – who you 'love,'" finger quotations, "-smoke three packs a day for nine years. And around your children, too, who I'd assume you love almost as much as you 'love' Jules."

Loe winced just as Julian coughed. He couldn't help it. He had to. He tried to hold it back because he wasn't sure if it would help or hinder the situation. He guessed it depended on who you talked to.

"Yeah. That right there. Did you feel that?" Logan continued, jerking his thumb toward Julian.

"Feel what?" Loe asked, looking confused.

"Feel that little tug in your heart. When Julian coughed." His green eyes were fiery, and Julian could tell that he could go on like this for hours. "It was a little feeling of sadness." He paused, looking her over. She nodded slowly, but comprehension was missing from her face. She didn't actually feel anything. "Right. Okay. So you don't love Julian, or else you'd-"

Loe had stood up straight and hit the counter with her hand. "What do you know about love?" she asked, her voice harsh and loud. "You're just a confused little boy. You wouldn't know love from a _toothache_."

Logan's eyes narrowed, as did Julian's.

"Don't talk to my friend like that," Julian said, bunching up his fists at his sides.

"You don't understand, Julian. You're just as confused as he is." Loe turned a patronizing look on Julian as she said this.

Logan took a quick step forward, and Julian knew what was going to happen, so he grabbed Logan's arms and pulled him backward and held him against his chest.

"Breathe," he whispered into Logan's ear, their bodies pressed up close together. "Don't get angry."

Logan didn't respond, just breathed hard.

"I know your type of person kind of enjoys this stuff," Loe said loudly to Logan, "but please don't have sex with my husband in my kitchen."

Logan fell forward because Julian had let him go.

"We're leaving," Julian said, turning on his heel, reaching back to grab Logan's t-shirt, and pulling Logan forward as he left his house.

.

"I forgot my stuff," Julian said, sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. There were tears mixed with the rain on the pavement in front of him. No one but Logan would ever know.

"It's alright." Logan's hand was on Julian's back, and he was rubbing small circles on it to soothe the distraught man.

"No, it's not." A choked sob came out of Julian's throat. "I want a cigarette."

Logan didn't say anything.

Julian's head shot up as he realized the need. It was a _need_. It wasn't just a want anymore.

"Logan," he said haltingly. "I need a cigarette. Right. Now." He started to feel around in his pockets, even though he knew there wasn't one in there.

Logan still didn't say anything, just kept rubbing circles on Julian's back.

"Logan!" Julian screamed, his voice cracking.

"There's nothing I can do about it," Logan replied calmly.

"Get me a damn cigarette or I will break your face on the ground!" Julian stood up quickly, forcing Logan's hand to drop to the sidewalk.

"No," Logan said calmly, standing up to his full height. He was just tall enough to be intimidating.

Julian looked up at Logan, at the man he knew he loved, and he couldn't suppress the feeling of love that was rushing through his throat as he screamed unintelligible words at Logan. They were in the middle of Julian's neighborhood, there was probably paparazzi everywhere, and Julian was screaming at Logan.

Julian felt the need, his throat hurt, he felt his hands start to shake, he needed a cigarette. Panic filled his chest, constricting his breathing, he felt like he was having an asthma attack or something. He dropped to the ground, eyes wide, staring at his empty hands.

Logan dropped down next to him, pulling something out of his pocket. He put it into Julian's hands. "Cherry is still your favorite, right?" he whispered.

Julian didn't even register what it was for a moment, but then he recognized it as a lollipop.

"Yes," he breathed. He then proceeded to rip the wrapper off the lollipop and stick it in his mouth as though his life depended on it.

He didn't feel immediately good. He didn't feel like he was smoking a cigarette. But the panic was slowly ebbing away, taking the anger with it.

"Thanks," he said quietly, feeling very small as Logan's hand returned to his back, rubbing circle after circle after circle on it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, guys! I just wanted to touch base real quick, aside from the usual 'OMG I LOVE REVIEWS AND CP COULTER' stuff. I'm going away for a few days from Friday to Monday this weekend due to a day off from school for Memorial Day (WOOOOT). So I probably won't be posting any more until Tuesday. It makes me really sad…Because I love writing and updating. :( Oh, well, we'll get through it. **

**Review if you miss me! That'll be fun for everyone, won't it? (But seriously, it'll be fun for me at least, so drop me a line for my sake.)**

**Tumblr stalk me until then. flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com … I have drabbles: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com / drabbles … So go there for all your Jogan needs. 97% of them are Jogan. I have a problem, what can I say?**

**CP Coulter remains the genius who came up with Jogan (even if she won't realize the true gem she has in them), so all credit goes to her.**

**Enjoy!**

**(Oh, and tiny note: I know that Clark and Logan are like third or fourth cousins or something…But honestly, guys? Do any of us even know what a third or fourth cousin **_**is**_**, let alone who our third or fourth cousins **_**are**_**? So we're going to assume that Clark and Logan have no idea.)**

**Chapter 12**

At precisely five o'clock, after an afternoon of running around LA trying to stay dry and find as many cherry lollipops as they could, Julian and Logan walked through the door of Starbucks, shaking the rain out of their hair and off their arms.

"It's a good thing it isn't raining," Julian said sarcastically, craning his neck looking for Clark.

"That would be really annoying," Logan said, leading the way to the counter.

Clark entered the shop then, and Julian turned and saw him and smiled broadly, pulling the lollipop out of his mouth momentarily to say hello.

"I see the old lollipop obsession is back," Clark said, smirking as sidled up to them, hands in his pockets.

"With a vengeance," Julian responded, and Clark chuckled.

Then he turned to Logan. "Hi, I don't think we've formally met yet…" Clark offered his hand to Logan, which Logan took. "I guess we just dodged each other last night on the set, huh? I wonder if that was by design…" He looked at Julian with a sparkle in his eye, enjoying the way Julian squirmed under his gaze.

"Probably," Logan nodded. "He was probably afraid I'd tell you about the time he-" He was cut off when Julian's hand clamped over his mouth.

"I bet he didn't tell you about when he was-" Julian's other hand clamped over Clark's mouth, and now Julian was touching the mouths of two tall blonde boys and he'd never felt gayer in his life.

"Okay, okay," Clark was saying, only it was more like "MMhhh MMhhh." Julian let his hand drop and was a little afraid of doing the same for Logan because of the gleam of mischief in Logan's brilliantly green eyes. He did, though, in the interest of fairness, and as soon as he had Logan opened his mouth.

"Thanks for letting me come along, even though at any moment I could spill one of the deepest, darkest secrets of your heart."

"You don't _know_ the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart," Julian said to him, finishing off his lollipop and reaching out for another. Logan pulled one from his pocket and handed it to Julian, who tore off the wrapper and stuck it in his mouth.

"You wanna bet?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

Clark had stayed quiet throughout this exchange, watching with an amused expression on his face. Clark was the only person on the planet – besides Derek – who even came close to knowing Julian's _true_ deepest, darkest secret.

_**Three Years Before**_

_Julian threw down the controller, and it landed with a thud on the carpet of Clark's trailer._

"_Damn you." Julian stared at his character, who had the word LOSER written across his face, standing next to Clark's WINNER._

"_Chill, it's just a game," Clark replied, laughing._

"_Maybe all of life is a game," Julian mused. "And I'm a LOSER."_

_Clark's smile wore off his face slowly as he realized that Julian wasn't kidding around. "What happened?" he asked softly, looking at Julian with concern._

_Julian stared at the LOSER on the screen in big, red block letters, like that settled matters, Julian Larson was a LOSER._

"_My life is a mess," he said dramatically, clearly having spent too much time memorizing sappy lines for romance movies that only preteen girls would ever see._

_Clark didn't say anything._

"_I just…I don't love her," Julian whispered, running a hand through his hair._

_LOSER._

"_Loe?" Clark asked._

"_I do love Lo," Julian replied, his voice almost inaudible. "It's just not the right one."_

Clark didn't really understand this, and had spent the three years since puzzling it over. 'I do love Loe, it's just not the right one.' What could that mean? The right Loe? It wasn't a very common name… Had Julian somehow managed to find another Loe and fall in love with her? And why was this so troubling? Julian had sex with tons of women. But maybe it wasn't the same… It muddled his brain, so Clark had pushed it to the back of his thoughts. Now, however, it arose again, and he wondered if it was Julian's deepest, darkest secret.

Julian, meanwhile, was comfortable in the knowledge that he'd been cryptic enough in telling his deepest, darkest secret that Clark would never figure it out. He'd almost forgotten entirely about that day in the trailer, the day after a fight with Loe, the day after Julian had seen a picture of Logan in the newspaper labeling him as SENATOR WRIGHT'S GAY SON.

"I do." Julian smirked, which was hard with a lollipop in his mouth. It made a bulge in his cheek as he shoved it to the side of his mouth so he could talk around it.

Logan thought for a minute. "You've always wanted a hedgehog named Sonic?" he guessed.

Julian laughed. "I _got_ a hedgehog and it pooped all over the place."

Logan wrinkled his nose, and thought some more. "Okay, I think it was the time in tenth grade when you were standing in front of the class giving a report and you-"

Julian's hand landed on his mouth again, and the rest came out muffled so that no one would hear.

"No, that's not it," Julian said firmly, taking his hand away before any more of Logan's spit could hit his palm. Which, honestly, turned him on quite a bit…

Clark was watching with a smile playing across his lips. "You were giving a report and…what?" he asked.

"Nothing. I was giving a report and nothing else happened. That was it. No idea what Logan's talking about."

For an actor who'd won dozens of awards, Julian was really a terrible actor.

Clark nodded. "Right, okay, I'll just ask him later."

They had gotten to the front of the line, and each ordered their drinks.

"Good look catching him without me. He won't let me alone." Julian feigned annoyance.

"Oh, you love it," Logan said, taking his coffee from the woman who handed it across the counter.

"Of course I do, Lo," Julian replied, smiling, taking his own coffee.

Clark stood there for a minute as Julian and Logan walked away to get a table. He absently took his coffee and paid for the three drinks.

_Of course I do, Lo._

_I do love Loe. It's just not the right one._

Maybe Loe wasn't spelled Loe when Julian had said it three years ago in Clark's trailer. Maybe it was spelled Lo. Maybe…

Clark shook his head of the thought as he sat down across from Julian and Logan, who were bickering about something.

No. Julian didn't love Logan, because Julian was married and straight and if it was true than he would've had to have loved Logan _six years_ after he'd last seen him, which didn't seem right.

So it must be another Loe…

"After I suggested buying all the lollipops in this one store, he like freaked out on me and told me no way could I do that," Julian was saying to Clark, who realized belatedly that he was being addressed, "but then when I asked why he just started to grab them all – I mean _all the damn lollipops in the entire display_. And he was like _laughing_ about buying all these stupid lollipops…" Julian had finished his lollipop and now started in on his coffee. "…and I was wondering why the hell he was so excited about buying like 100 lollipops and he told me. So apparently _Noah_," he said Noah's name with so much scorn that Clark couldn't help but put up a point on the Julian Loves Logan tally board, "doesn't let Logan walk into a store and buy anything he wants because Noah thinks that it'll attract too much attention of the public if he just waltzes in and buys like thirty candy bars."

"But this one time," Logan said, his brilliant eyes glinting with happiness that seemed out of place on his face, which, as far as Clark could remember from the few times he'd met Logan before, always had an angry look on it, "Noah wanted to have a party for a bunch of his writer friends, so while he was cleaning the house, he sent me out to get the food. And apparently his writer friends have this tradition or something where they eat _Mounds Bars _like it's their job. So Noah asked me to run around New York City buying one Mounds Bar at like 50 different stores." Logan rolled his eyes. "So basically I walked into a store and just picked up the entire box of Mounds Bars and walked out with it and no one stopped me because I'm a Senator's son so I can just do whatever the hell I want."

"Apparently Logan's so-called 'loving' husband," Julian used air quotes… Another point went on the tally board, "is so controlling that Logan feels that he must seize these small chances for freedom and-"

Logan elbowed him in the ribs. "What are you, a psychiatrist?"

"The last movie we did together, about…" Clark looked to Julian. "Six months ago?"

Julian nodded. "Yeah, it was January."

"The director made us all take this stupid psychiatry course and it was the most boring thing in the world but Julian was totally into it. We had to write a final report about how we could use the course to relate to our characters, and Julian's report was like 16 pages long. Mine was two. Double-spaced."

"Ah, sounds like Dalton," Logan said. "Julian is just an overachiever, period. Good to know that some things don't change." He rolled his eyes.

"His was the longest one and the director flipped out on him before he realized that Julian actually _had _memorized his lines on top of writing this insanely long report."

"He had a lot of practice at school," Logan said. "On the night before a big test or an essay was due or whatever, he would not sleep. I had to bring him hourly coffee."

Clark laughed. Julian glared at Logan.

Clark looked closely at Julian's glare. Was there something different in it, or was he just imagining it?

Something other than the friendly joking around and the hint of real anger?

Under that…

Was there love?


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you all for waiting patiently!**

**Also, I've started a new 'story' – it's a series of drabbles. The goal is to get to 100. I'm at 14 right now. .net/s/7024041/1/100_Days_of_Jogan Check it out, and review if you like it!**

**Also also, I found the song for this fic. Fix You by Coldplay. –nods- It's muy perfecto. **

**Now…**

**Chapter 13**

"Okay," Logan said, draining his coffee cup, "so there was this one time at Dalton when Jules had this major crush on-"

"Anne Hathaway!" Clark exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Logan grinned. "And he had all these posters of her tacked up on the walls and he decided that he _had_ to be in a movie that she was in."

"So he went on imdb relentlessly?"

"Yeah. It was like his top-visited site, the Anne Hathaway page. And he _only _auditioned for the ones he thought she would be in…"

Julian tuned out of this mindless chatter. He pulled another lollipop out of one of his pockets and added the wrapper to the growing pile in front of him on the table. He sucked on it. But it wasn't enough.

Suddenly the sounds of Logan and Clark's voices, as they talked about the day Julian followed Anne Hathaway around LA to find out if she would be auditioning for a certain movie, became very annoying.

"I was in tenth grade," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. What Clark and Logan didn't know was that he had just developed the die-hard crush on Anne Hathaway because Logan was developing his own die-hard crush on Blaine Anderson, and Julian needed a distraction.

Clark and Logan ignored him, continuing to tell their own sides of the story.

Julian chomped down on his lollipop, the sound of it cracking resounding in his mind, and even that drove him crazy. He was getting a throbbing headache listening to Logan and Clark talk about him as if he wasn't there.

"Just shut up!" he yelled too loudly, fed up with them.

Logan and Clark stopped talking immediately and looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. A bunch of other people in the coffee shop turned to look, as well, but when they saw that it was just another movie star gone off the deep end they returned to their conversations.

"Is this really all you two can talk about? Some _stupid_ celebrity crush? SO WHAT?" Julian spit the lollipop stick onto the table and grabbed for another lollipop only to find that his pocket was empty. Logan hurriedly took one out of his own pocket and handed it to Julian, who snatched it out of Logan's hand and ignored the little energy zap that he felt when his fingertips brushed Logan's palm. "Logan used to be in _love_ with a hobbit and a primadonna priss." He tore the wrapper off the lollipop and watched as Logan's mouth fell open. "And let's not even _start_ with celebrity crushes for you, _St. Clark_." He stuck the lollipop in his mouth and pulled it out, making a loud sucking noise and it was rude but he didn't care. "What about Keira Knightley? Megan Fox? Scarlett Johansson?"

And even though Clark sort of suspected that maybe Julian felt a little more than friendship toward Logan – or maybe it was _because_ he suspected this – he opened his mouth and said, "What about your crush on Johnny Depp?"

Julian's eyes widened.

Logan's eyes widened.

Julian's mind blanked. He couldn't think of anything to say. _Clark did NOT just say that. He did NOT just say that in front of Logan._

Meanwhile, Logan's mind was going haywire. _Johnny Depp is a guy. Johnny Depp is a male. Johnny Depp is a boy. Julian Larson had a crush on Johnny Depp?_

"That was a long time ago," Julian mumbled around his lollipop, which he'd shoved back into his mouth.

Clark was watching Logan, whose eyes were going from hopeful to doubtful and back to hopeful.

"I can't believe you said that," Julian said to Clark.

Logan was sitting completely still. "Johnny Depp?" he finally managed.

Julian didn't respond, didn't confirm or deny it.

"That's…" Logan struggled to find something to say about it that didn't scream 'YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT MAYBE IF YOU TOLD ME THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT.' "That's really typical, Jules. Johnny Depp? Seriously? You and everyone else on the planet."

Julian stared into his empty coffee cup, grinding his teeth against his lollipop and breaking off little chunks at a time.

"Well, it's time for me to go," Clark said, standing up, quite pleased with the reactions his little fact-sharing had brought on. "See you bright and early tomorrow…Sunrise scene on the roof." He smiled at Julian and gave the stunned man a pat on the back. "Nice to meet you Logan."

Logan waved halfheartedly as Clark turned around and left.

Logan looked at Julian, who didn't look at Logan.

He could either ignore it or he could call Julian out. Ignoring it would be harder, because he really wanted to know… Was it just some stupid little thing that was over the minute it happened, or could Julian possibly be bisexual?

But calling Julian out on it… Logan looked at Julian, noticed the way his cheeks curved in around his cheekbones, his skin taking on a sickly tint, the dark circles under his eyes… Julian didn't need that. Julian didn't need to do anything but take his time. If he was bi, it was probably really hard for him. He was a celebrity, he had to live a lie and pretend that he was straighter than straight.

Logan decided not to say anything. Julian would take his time. He must know that Logan suspected it now, and now it was up to him to tell Logan or not. Of course Logan wanted it to be sooner rather than later, but he couldn't control it. He hoped that he and Julian would have all the time in the world.

Julian also had two options. He could come out or he could stay deep in the closet, where he had been for 12 years. He was comfortable there. He didn't know what it would be like if he came out. Maybe he and Logan would have a chance… But the minute that thought arrived in his mind, it was banished. Of course they didn't have a chance. Logan didn't love Noah, but Logan wouldn't cheat on Noah, and Noah was too overprotective to let him anyway.

So Julian ignored it. He knew that Logan knew, at least suspected. And maybe he could have fixed it all, maybe he could have said, 'Oh, you know how girls have girl crushes sometimes? Yeah, that's what it's like. Nothing real.' And he could have laughed and smiled and pretended it was nothing and Logan wouldn't have this permanently shocked look on his face and he wouldn't be staring at Julian like that and when Julian caught him he wouldn't cough and look down at his napkin and he wouldn't start folding it into little squares, smaller and smaller, until it was just a little ball, which he wouldn't throw at Julian and Julian wouldn't be laughing fakely and standing up and leaving the Starbucks and Logan wouldn't be following like Julian was this sun that Logan was orbiting around all of a sudden. Logan wouldn't be a new planet, Julian wouldn't have the feeling he wasn't ready to be Logan's sun, they wouldn't be heading to Noah and Logan's apartment in silence, and their shoulders wouldn't keep brushing each other as they walked and they wouldn't be doing it on purpose.

But Julian didn't laugh it off and pretend it was Nothing real. So when Logan put his key in the lock of his apartment, Julian's shoulder was touching his and it felt so good, so _damn good_. Because Logan knew, even if only a little bit. Julian felt freer and also more trapped than he'd ever felt in his life.


	14. Chapter 14

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**Chapter 14**

"What do you want?"

This was the way Noah greeted his husband when Logan walked through the door of their apartment.

Julian rolled his eyes but Noah didn't see it, because the second he'd spoken, Noah had looked back to the TV he was watching.

"I'm just coming home, is that alright with you? That I live in the same house as a gay man? Because I could move out." Logan was walking toward the couch, taking the remote out of Noah's hands, and going to turn it off as he said this.

But then he saw what was on the television screen, and Julian came around to look, as well.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," he said, groaning, and he wanted to go bash his head into a wall.

Noah was watching _that_ movie. The one where Julian had to lose 50 pounds and start smoking. The one Logan always got pissed about whenever anyone brought it up. Or at least, he had in high school, and judging by his expression now, he still did.

Logan ground his teeth. Julian could hear it, that was how close he was and how loud it was.

"Oh, is this you? I'm sorry, I couldn't tell. I think you've gained a little weight." Noah was smirking, like this was some kind of joke.

Logan's finger slammed into the power button and the screen went blank.

Julian stepped away from him, knowing what was coming. Noah, however, didn't, because he'd kept Logan locked up and drugged for their whole marriage.

"What's wrong, don't like all the sides of your little friend?" he asked, standing up and brushing off his pants like this was no big deal.

Logan clenched his fists. "It's called _acting_."

"Oh, I know that, but there are some things you can't fake. Like weighing 100 pounds and being a smoker."

Logan opened and closed his mouth a few times before any words came out. "You're a writer for a TV show, Noah. You should understand that roles are different than the people who play them."

"I realize that, but in Julian's case, I'm not so sure that's true."

"Jules had to lose like 50 pounds for that movie! He didn't eat properly for months! He actually started smoking!"

"That just shows that he's dedicated to a fault," Noah replied calmly, despite the fire in Logan's eyes and the way his jaw was set like he was going to bite his husband's head off.

"No, it shows he's passionate about what he does, it doesn't mean-"

"Excuse me," Julian said, stepping between the two, "but I _am_ in the room."

"Of course you are, why would you go anywhere without your little Siamese twin?"

Logan's teeth continued to grind together, but he didn't push past Julian, didn't lay a finger on Julian. This was in deep contrast with high school, when Logan would throw Derek and Julian around whenever he got too mad.

.

"_You're such a douche," Julian said, turning to leave Logan's bedroom. Derek followed, but was pulled back by Logan's hand on his shoulder. _

"_What did you say?" he said to Julian, now stepping toward Julian, who had turned back around._

"_I said you're such a douche, you got a problem with that?" Julian said bravely, feeling anything but brave._

"_Uh, yeah, I actually do." Logan's hand slammed into Julian's chest and Julian started to fall backward but managed to right himself._

"_And you." Logan turned on Derek. "Why do _you_ have always agree with _him_?" His finger jabbed toward Julian, who felt it like a sword through his heart._

"_Maybe because _he_ is right," Derek said, earning himself a shove identical to Julian's._

"_Logan." Julian started toward Logan but stopped when he saw Logan's fist come dangerously close to his face. "Calm down," he muttered, stepping back, knowing it was no use._

"_Come on. Hit me back if I'm such a douche, then we can get in a real fight and I won't have to see your face around anymore!" Logan was backing up, fire in his eyes, making a 'come at me' gesture with his hands._

_Julian knew he couldn't hit back. Not at Logan, never at Logan. He wouldn't fight Logan, so the choice wasn't Fight or Flight. It was Cry Before I Leave or Cry After I Leave._

_Tears welling up in his eyes, Julian turned and ran from the room, ashamed at his own weakness, his own love, his own inability to fight back._

.

"Please," Logan said, his voice low and menacing, "move."

Julian stepped out of the way for a few reasons: (1) he wanted to see Logan kill his husband, (2) he wanted to see if Noah would fight back, (3) he wanted to find out if Logan would actually go through with it and hurt Noah, and (4) Noah deserved every hit he would get.

Julian watched as if in slow motion as Logan's fist slammed into the side of Noah's head. Noah fell to the side but did not fall. He stood up straight, collected himself, but before he could say anything Logan was pinning him to the wall.

"You know, don't you?" Logan asked, his face right next to his husband's. "You know that I don't love you and I never did and the only reason I was with you was because I needed someone to be with who would ignore my obvious shortcomings. I needed a distraction from mistakes I made and things I…overlooked-" Julian's heart leapt. Could Logan mean him? Could Logan mean that he'd overlooked Julian? …no. He couldn't. Logan had his chance to fall in love with Julian and he didn't. Why would he fall in love with him now, when Julian was at his worst? Or after Julian left, when he wasn't even there? "—and I needed someone to hold every night because I couldn't hold the person I really want to hold. You know, don't you?"

Noah nodded. "Of course I do, I'm not an idiot."

"And you don't love me, either," Logan said, loosening his grip just a bit.

"Not at all. You're arrogant and temperamental and hard to deal with, and that's when you've had your medicine. Now…you're just a monster. A hideous beast that no one wants to look at."

Logan's fist met with the side of Noah's head again. Noah fell this time, because Logan had been holding him up and when Logan let go, he crumpled to the floor.

Logan didn't say anything else. No dramatic good-bye, nothing to say as he walked out of his apartment, walked away from his husband, and out into the world with Julian behind him.

.

"I am a hideous beast that no one wants to look at." Logan was sitting on Julian's couch, his head in his hands.

"No, you aren't." Julian's arm was wrapped around Logan in a way that he was trying to convince himself was just friendly and comforting.

"Jules…" Logan looked up at Julian with a tear-stained face. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying," Julian insisted.

"What about all the guys at Dalton? They all hated me."

Logan was in rare form. Julian had never seen him cry before. Derek claimed to have, once, but would never tell Julian the story and Julian didn't believe him.

"Yeah," Julian rubbed his neck, not so sure how to counter this, because it was mostly true. "But not the ones who mattered.

"Who mattered?" Logan asked sadly.

"Me."

"You didn't really like me. You were always arguing with me and all that shit. And then…you left." Logan's voice cracked and he started to cry again, silent tears, silent crying, because he didn't want Julian to know he was crying even though it was futile because Julian was handing him a tissue so obviously he knew.

"I didn't leave because I didn't like you," Julian murmured. "I left because I was…" He made up a lie and he made it up quick. Julian felt like the Grinch. "…overwhelmed and overworked with the Dalton workload, you know how it was… And I had all these movie deals coming in and…" He trailed off, because he was disgusting himself with all this lying.

"You didn't even say good-bye…" Logan sniffed and blew his nose, making a honking noise that Julian found very hot indeed.

Julian couldn't think of a lie for this, so he told the truth. "It would have hurt too much."

"Hurt you?" Logan scoffed. "You were the one leaving. If it would've hurt you so bad to leave me… You could have stayed."

Julian's mouth twitched into a smile. "It hurt me more than you could imagine to leave."

"Why didn't you answer your phone? E-mails? I wrote on your Facebook wall a million times, Jules." Logan was looking at Julian, who called on every acting fiber he had in his body.

"I…" Julian stopped at the I. He didn't say anything more.

"You hated me." Logan took in a deep rattling breath. "Did you ever even like me?"

Julian bit his lip. "Of course I did. I loved you."

There was a pause.

"No." Logan sighed. "You really didn't."

"I did."

Julian scooted closer to Logan, pulling the blonde toward him. "In high school…I loved you."

This was as close to a confession he could get, as close to coming out as he could come.

"As a friend or…?" Logan didn't want to know the answer, and he knew that Julian wouldn't give him one. To know that Julian had loved him as more than a best friend was unbearable, because the truth was that would mean Logan was a blind idiot. If he'd realized sooner, he could have avoided so much. But to know that he only loved him as a friend would grind the small suspicions he had into the ground.

Besides. 'In high school…I loved you.' No matter how this sentence was meant, it was meant in the past tense.


	15. Chapter 15

**Your reviews have been amazing. I love you. Can we all just have a big group hug now?**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)**

**CP Coulter owns Dalton, I do not.**

**Chapter 15**

Julian turned out his light, flipped over onto his side, and drew his covers around him – not out of the cold but out of the need to be hugged by something. Even if it was just his own sheets. He heard soft footsteps in the hall. His door opened.

A small voice, that of a vulnerable Logan, traveled through the darkness to Julian. "Hi."

Julian turned onto his back. "Hi," he said, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at the dark form in his doorway.

"I, uh…" Logan coughed. "I need…"

"Extra toothbrushes in the hall closet. You can use my toothpaste. Towels are in the cabinet next to the sink. Hot water on the left, cold water on the right. The soap is behind the-" Julian was rambling because he knew what Logan actually wanted.

"I'm lonely," Logan said, cutting him off, sounding very small indeed. "It's dark. I need…"

Julian was in the middle of his bed. He scooted to the right side in response. Logan walked forward hesitantly.

"Is it…?"

"It's fine."

Julian had been wishing for this his whole life, and now that it was here, he was afraid of what it meant. Because he and Logan were both technically married. Logan was just upset because of Noah. He didn't want to sleep in Julian's bed because of Julian.

"This isn't awkward," Logan said loudly as he pulled back the covers and sat down on the bed. It took him forever to lie down, and once he did, Julian just looked at him. It was dark, but his eyes were adjusting.

"Not at all," Julian said, very aware of the fact that he and Logan were in the same bed.

"I just didn't want to be alone…"

"Me neither."

"Good night."

"Good night."

Julian turned over so he wasn't facing Logan, and he felt Logan do the same.

There was a moment of silence during which Julian stared at the clock, declaring the time in bright red block letters. 12:30. He had to wake up at 4 to be at the studio by 4:30 for the sunrise scene.

"We have to wake up at 4," Julian said.

"You told me."

"Just wanted to make sure you knew."

"That's early."

"Yeah."

"Not much sleep."

"Nope."

"Do you ever sleep much?"

"Nope."

"Noah says that if you don't get at least 6 hours of sleep a night-"

"I don't care."

"…Neither do I."

Their bodies weren't touching, but Julian still felt Logan's presence clearly, more clearly than he ever had. Even though there was at least a foot of space between them, and on their pajamas, and the sheets that fell onto the bed where their bodies weren't there to hold them up.

"So I guess…" Logan trailed off. "Good night."

"I don't feel like sleeping," Julian said.

"Me neither, but we'll be tired and Noah-"

"Would you just _shut up_ about him already?" Julian practically shouted this, and it broke the conversation, which fell into silence.

After a long pause, Logan said, "We've been married for five years."

"So?"

"So he's…my life."

"Why?"

"Because I had no one else."

"You had Derek."

"And?"

"And that's it."

A beat.

"You could have called me," Logan said.

"Why would I do that?"

Logan shifted, and Julian felt the sheets move.

"I'm sorry," Julian said. "I just…" He couldn't think of a legitimate reason why he didn't call Logan that wouldn't give him away. The truth was, he'd spent the better part of 9 years convinced that he would get over Logan if he isolated himself from Logan. "I didn't even call Derek much."

"You sent him e-mails once a week," Logan said dryly. "I know. I read them."

"You read them?"

"Yep. How else was I supposed to find out how my best friend was doing?"

.

_Logan knew Derek's password. It wasn't really that hard to figure out. Sportstar18. Derek probably thought he was clever using 18 instead of 19, which was his actual favorite number, but 19 to 18 isn't far to jump. Logan figured it out pretty fast. And then it was only a matter of waiting until Derek had crew practice, or soccer, or whatever else he went off to do. And then Logan just had to open up Derek's laptop, type in the insanely easy password, press e-mail, and there he saw all of Julian's e-mails to Derek._

_The first time Logan did this, it had been five months since Julian left. It had taken him three months to stop being angry, a month after that to figure out that Julian was never going to return his calls, and then another month to figure out that Julian must be talking to Derek but he wasn't calling him because Logan might answer. He did that sometimes in the hopes that it was Julian, but it never was._

_The first e-mail, received a week after Julian left, was:_

_**Derek,**_

_**Yeah. I'm fine. Shut up about me, won't you? I'm doing my movie, I'm distracted, it's fine. Don't worry.**_

_**Wow. 'I'm fine.' How fake can I get before you want to shove me into a closet and keep me there for all eternity?**_

_**Not sure you'd want to do that, actually. It wouldn't be just me. You'd shove me and –**_

_**Well okay we're not going to talk about that.**_

_**In your next e-mail, here are the phrases you ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE.**_

'_**Are you okay?'**_

'_**Are you sure you don't want to come back?'**_

'_**Is it really worth it, you leaving?'**_

'_**Please come back.'**_

_**And DON'T YOU DARE SAY:**_

'_**Logan really misses you. He just hasn't realized it yet.'**_

_**Because that PISSES ME OFF, okay?**_

_**He doesn't miss me.**_

_**-Julian**_

_The second one was a little less angry and a little less cryptic._

_**Derek,**_

_**I kind of miss Dalton, I wish I was there for that food fight against the Windsors, I'd have loved to peg some of them in the eyes with carrots.**_

_**There isn't anyone here to hate like I hated the Windsors back at Dalton… I could hate my co-stars but that would just put me in a mess because I have to act like I love them on camera. I never had to act like I liked a Windsor, let alone loved them.**_

_**Great, here I am talking about Windsors.**_

_**You know it would actually be really easy to hate my co-stars, they're all generally talentless. I'm pretty much the only talented one in the whole cast.**_

_**And now you're probably rolling your eyes at me, but it's true, just wait until the movie comes out!**_

_**Tell me more about Dalton…**_

_**And thanks for not saying anything about what I told you not to say anything about.**_

_**-Julian**_

_Logan was jealous that Derek had all these messages from Julian. And apparently they had some sort of secret together that Logan didn't know about. So after he'd read through all the messages, he seriously considered confronting Derek about it. But it didn't take him long to realize that Derek would change his password and it would probably be something a little more complicated than sportstar18, if Derek had any brains in him._

_So that was how Logan ended up reading all of Derek's e-mails from Julian, and he kept up pretty well with most of it. Sometimes Julian would say something like,_

_**I really miss it there, and not just the school. But you. And… Anyway, I got you a t-shirt signed by that hot blonde actress you like.**_

_Logan was almost 100% positive that it was his name that was implied in the … but he didn't want to get all excited so he told himself it was someone or something else. Why would Julian never talk to him if he missed him?_

_But Julian was really good at writing e-mails. He wrote in his voice, he wrote the way he talked, so Logan could pretend Julian was talking to him and he could hear his voice in his head… He realized how much he missed him._

_And so it was that, reading Julian's e-mails to Derek, Logan slowly began to fall in love with Julian Larson._

.

"I can't believe you read my e-mails," Julian murmured.

"I had to know what was going on with you beyond what the press said."

"You could have asked Derek!"

"Like he would've told me. Every time I brought you up, he got all quiet and secretive and said things like "He just had to leave" or "He says he's fine" and then he changed the subject."

"Well that's not my fault. You didn't have to go reading e-mails that were meant for his eyes only."

"It's not like you ever told him any secrets or anything."

Julian smiled bitterly to himself. "He already knew my secrets, I didn't have to tell him anything."

"And what secrets would those be?"

It was a little while before Julian responded. "Stupid high school stuff. It doesn't matter anymore."

Logan got the feeling that this statement may not be entirely true.

"What time do you finish filming tomorrow?" he asked.

"Well tomorrow we're shooting the last scene we have to shoot before it goes to post production. And it's a sunrise scene. So we'll be out by 8 at the latest, I'd say."

"We should call Derek. He doesn't live far, we could probably do something."

"Yeah. Text him."

"I don't have my phone."

So Julian reached over to his bedside table, banging his hand into the headboard as he did so. He muttered a curse and grabbed his phone.

Then he realized something.

"I can't explain why you and I are both in the same house – hell, the same bed-"

"He doesn't need to know the bed part," Logan interrupted.

"Right. But anyway, I can't explain all of that in a text."

"So call him. Put him on speaker."

"He's going to have a heart attack."

"So what? He's a professional soccer player, he can handle it."

So Julian pressed speed dial 3 – 1 was Loe, 2 was Clark – and pressed the Speaker button.

"Hello?" Derek sounded tired, like the phone had woken him up.

"Hey, it's me," Julian said, putting a finger up to tell Logan not to say anything.

"Jules?"

"Yeah. Sorry it's so late."

"That's fine… Are you okay?"

"Mmmhm. Listen…"

"If you're okay why are you calling me at 12:45 AM?"

"Because I have something to tell you, will you just shut up and listen?"

Derek didn't say anything.

"Thank you. Uh…" Julian couldn't quite figure out how to put this gently. It would probably be a complete shock that Julian and Logan, Derek's two best friends, were actually in the same place, talking to each other, after nine years of total silence between them.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked again.

"Nothing!" Julian said, annoyed. "Logan is here."

There was silence. "Shut up, what's really wrong?" Derek asked, not believing Julian.

"I'm dead serious, Logan Wright is in my house."

"He is not, shut up."

"He so is, why would I lie?"

"I can think of-"

"He really is," Julian said loudly, cutting him off.

"Hi," Logan said, leaning closer to the phone.

"…Lo?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, you idiot, that's what Jules said."

There was a rustling sound, probably Derek sitting up. "What the hell…?"

"We'll explain tomorrow," Julian said.

"Do you want to meet us at the beach at like 10?" Logan asked.

"Why…?" Derek was still trying to catch up to the conversation.

"We'll explain," Logan said, exasperated.

"I… What beach?"


	16. Chapter 16

**KEEP YOUR REVIEWS COMING.**

**They are so great, they absolutely make my day, I love them, how much more can I say?**

**Thank you to those of you who have reviewed.**

**Hello to my new readers, and hello to my old readers!**

**CP Coulter owns all this stuff. :)**

**(Also. Small [BIG] continuity error that I made… Er… So earlier Julian or Logan, I don't remember which, mentioned that Derek is currently in Spain in the World Cup… Uh… Yeah, plans changed. He's not anymore. –cough- I was re-reading just to make sure I AVOIDED these kinds of things, and found out that it was too late. So whoops. Kudos to you if you actually caught that!)**

**Chapter 16**

Julian and Logan were talking about weddings as Julian's alarm clock went off.

"I just think it's ridiculous to spend all this money on something that is just centered around a flimsy little ring, you know?" Logan said as he stood up. He'd been lying down, facing Julian, and his limbs were sore from being in the same position for three hours.

"It's not just the ring, though," Julian argued, pulling a t-shirt on. "It's a feeling."

Logan scoffed. "I'm not so sure love exists, and if it does, then it doesn't work out."

"Don't be so cynical," Julian said, though he agreed with this statement. He entered the adjoining bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes. Bags under them, bigger than usual. His hair was a mess, but that part was okay.

Well, he certainly did look like someone who'd saved the love of his life from a fire the night before.

Maybe he had.

"But I think it's true!" Logan said, standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "Do I have to get dressed? I mean…in real clothes? Could I just wear my sleep pants?" he asked.

"Yeah," Julian said. "I don't see why anyone would have a problem with that. But anyway." He grabbed his toothbrush, squirted some toothpaste onto it, and stuck it in his mouth. "You're just upset because you don't know any better," he said around the toothbrush. He spit, and then said, "You'll fall in love with someone for real. You're only 26."

"And what about you?" Logan asked. "Won't you ever fall in love?"

Julian stopped brushing his teeth. His toothbrush rested on his molars. _I already have. _"Probably," he said, and he spit again.

.

Clark handed Julian a cup of coffee as he walked into the studio at 4:28 AM.

"Thanks," Julian said. He took a big gulp, and then another, and then another.

"I got you one too." Clark handed another cup to Logan, who had come through the door right after Julian.

"Thanks." He drained the whole cup in about 30 seconds flat, which had to be a record.

"What time did you guys go to bed last night? 3?" Clark laughed.

"We didn't." Julian thrust his empty cup at a passing assistant, who took it, looking surprised. Logan followed Julian's lead.

"What? Seriously?"

Julian nodded, rubbing his temples.

"Why?" Clark was amazed. He followed Julian as he headed toward wardrobe. Logan fell into step silently behind them.

"We were talking."

"No way. You were not talking all night." They walked through the door, and the wardrobe people handed Julian and Clark their costumes.

"We did." Julian turned to Logan. "Tell him while I get dressed."

He disappeared through a door.

Clark looked at Logan. Logan looked at Clark. "It's true. It didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time."

"What did you talk about?" Clark asked, incredulous.

Logan thought for a moment. "Just…you know. Stuff."

"Stuff?" Clark thought about this, about how Julian had spent the night talking to Logan, about the look in Julian's eyes when he looked at Logan… "Uh, Logan, you're, uh, married, right?"

"Yes." Logan visibly tensed.

"To who?"

"His name is Noah."

"Is he a nice guy?"

Logan pursed his lips, thinking. "Do you mean in general or…?"

"I mean is Noah a nice guy to the world in general, not just to you."

"No." Julian had come out of the dressing room and said this very loudly.

"No?" Clark looked to Logan.

"Not really." Logan rubbed his arm. "I don't really want to talk about him."

"Good." Julian put his hand on Logan's back and pushed him away from Clark.

"Good luck dying today, Julian," Clark said as Julian pushed Logan away. Clark watched Julian's hand on the small of Logan's back and smiled to himself.

"Thanks," Julian said over his shoulder. "Good luck killing me."

Logan looked at Julian with a questioning glance.

"It's a stupid movie," Julian explained.

Logan nodded. "It seems like it." He paused, licked his lips. "Why do you do it?"

"Because…money is money."

.

"Julian!"

Derek pulled Julian into a big bear hug, which was a little bit painful because Derek was _strong_. Julian hugged him back, grinning.

"And Logan!" Derek hugged Logan next, who towered over Derek so much it was comical.

Derek pulled back and looked at Logan and Julian, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"What?" Julian asked as a tourist brushed past him.

They were standing on the boardwalk at Julian's favorite beach. It wasn't too crowded, but crowded enough that Julian had to wear a baseball cap and sunglasses.

"It's just…seeing you guys in the same place is…" Derek pretended to wipe away a tear. "It's crazy."

Julian and Logan rolled their eyes in sync.

"It's not _that_ crazy," Logan said.

"Yes, it is." Derek looked around for a minute. "You guys want to go somewhere less crowded?"

They found a jetty for fishing that was almost empty. There were a few old guys in bathing suits milling around smoking – Julian looked wistfully at them and Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Okay tell me. Everything." Derek leaned against the railing that was there to keep people from falling into the water. If you really wanted to fall into the water, though, all you'd have to do was climb over the railing.

It wouldn't be that hard.

"So I was just picking up some pizzas at this pizzeria place and there was Jules and that _woman-_"

"Loe," Julian said.

"That _woman_ and his kids. So we talked and-"

"Wait." Derek held up a hand. "Why?"

Julian and Logan looked at him like he'd sprouted a horn out of his forehead.

"Because we're best friends," Julian said like it was obvious.

"Well I wasn't sure!" Derek said, raising his arms in defense. "You haven't talked in 9 years."

"So what? True friends never stop being friends, no matter how long they're apart," Logan said.

"Wow, that's really deep." Julian smiled at him.

"Yeah, Noah-"

"Would you _stop _with the _Noah_ thing?"

"Jules, he's…we've been married for five years, I can't just stop talking about him."

"I haven't talked about Loe at all."

"Well that's because you never actually loved her."

"I did love her!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"When?"

Julian didn't respond.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I still don't know why the hell two people who haven't talked in nine years would all of a sudden start talking to each other and pretending every is exactly as it was nine years ago. Which, by the way, it isn't."

"I know that!" Logan and Julian said together, glancing at each other as they did so.

"We're both married, it's totally different, we know, but it's kind of silly to hold a grudge all that time," Julian said.

"A grudge? You were holding a grudge?" Logan asked.

"No. That wasn't really the word I was looking for."

"Shame. That's the word you were looking for," Logan offered.

"Shame? How?"

"You were ashamed you left me and never talked to me."

Julian looked at him. "Yeah. I kind of was." He paused and realized he may be getting close to saying too much. "A little bit."

"But by the time you realized it, it was too late," Logan continued.

.

_Logan's name flashed up on Julian's cell phone screen. This was it. For the past three years, Logan had called on the 7__th__ day of each month. That was 36 calls that Julian hadn't answered. But he always stared at Logan's name until it disappeared and his phone said ONE MISSED CALL._

'_I didn't miss it,' he always thought sadly. 'I was right here.'_

"_Is that your old phone?" Loe asked from behind him. Julian jumped._

_It was. It was his phone from back in high school. He'd gotten a new number, and now Logan was the only one who called on the old phone._

_He couldn't bear to throw it away, not when it was his only link to Logan, however small._

"_Who is that?" Loe asked. "Oh, is it that Logan guy?" She tried to take Julian's phone, but Julian pulled back._

"_Yeah." He stared at the words Logan Wright calling._

"_Why does he always call you?" she asked._

_Julian didn't look up and didn't make any move to respond. He watched Logan's name, felt the phone vibrate in his hands, until ONE MISSED CALL flashed on the screen._

_He knew that Logan wouldn't call again for another month._

_He could picture Logan hanging up, could picture his face… Julian could only hope it was disappointed. But it probably wasn't. Logan was probably moving onto something else now, doing something else. Julian didn't know what, though, and it bothered him._

"_I don't know why," he said to Loe, before standing up and walking out of the room._

_._

"It's okay," Logan said. "I forgive you." He stopped and thought for a minute. "You know…I called you every month. Only it was your old number so it probably never went through, but it rang every time for nine years… You would've thought it would just be like 'This number has been disconnected' or something."

"You called him every month?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Julian said. "He did."

Derek and Logan both looked at him, Derek's expression one of mild interest and Logan's of extreme surprise.

"You mean…" he started, but Julian cut him off.

"No, I was just saying that because…because you just told me. That phone's been at the dump for years."

Logan was smiling though.

"Stop smiling like that, it's not like I gave you a compliment or anything, you twat." Julian rolled his eyes at Logan.

"I know. It just felt like one."

"Well it wasn't," Julian snapped.

"Okay, fine. It wasn't, I'll stop smiling." Logan rearranged his mouth into a frown. "Better?"

Julian studied him, pursing his lips. "Not really." He tilted his head to one side and then the other, pretending to study Logan's face. "Yeah, you look a lot better when you're smiling."

Logan smiled.

"Well aren't you two cutesie?" Derek said loudly.

Julian and Logan jumped, having forgotten he was even there.

"Wow. I was right. A lot _has_ changed. All of a sudden you guys are…almost getting along."

"We are not!" Logan protested.

"Almost," Derek repeated. "Almost."

He gave Julian a knowing look, and Julian whipped his head around to stare at the ocean.

"Jules…" Derek said. "Can we talk in private for a minute?"


	17. Chapter 17

**HOLA!**

**Dalton belongs to CP Coulter.**

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**(Also, sorry if updates are a little nonexistent over the next few days…hard to tell where I'll be with exam studying and stuff. I'll try to update again by Sunday, and then Wednesday is my last day of school so after that it'll be smooth sailing.)**

**Chapter 17**

"You still love him," Derek said as Julian glanced nervously at Logan, who was sitting on the railing twenty feet away.

"Shhh." Julian didn't deny it because he knew it was fruitless.

"After all this time…you _still_ love him…you…" He ran his hands through his hair. "Wow."

Julian picked at a piece of wood that was ripping free from the railing.

"What are you going to do?" Derek asked.

Julian didn't look up from the piece of wood. "What do you mean?"

"What are you going to do about…you know…you _love _him."

"Nothing." He pulled a little more, but it still wouldn't come free.

Derek made a sputtering noise, and Julian finally looked up.

"D." He rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous. (1) He has a husband. (2) I have a wife. (3) It's been nine years. (4) I left for a reason. (5) I'm a movie star, it would cause all these complications and…ugh." He looked back down at the stubborn little piece of wood. "I can't do it, Derek. You have to understand that."

Derek looked at him for a second, and then glanced behind his shoulder at Logan, who was staring at Julian.

"Do you love Loe?" Derek asked.

"My wife? No."

"Do you love Logan?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't think it's that complicated," Derek said quietly.

Julian's eyes snapped up just as the piece of wood broke free. He held it in his hands, cradling it, glaring at Derek.

"How is it not complicated?" he asked. "Are you saying that my problems aren't _complicated_?"

"I'm saying you're _making them _complicated."

"He has a husband."

"Love always prevails."

Julian looked at Derek long and hard. "So…who are you and what have you done with Derek Seigerson?"

Now it was Derek's turn to roll his eyes. "Honestly, Jules, you're just too dense to see that you and Logan love each other and that's all that matters."

"Logan does not love me," Julian said, scoffing, turning to the ocean, disgusted.

"How do you know that?"

Julian didn't have to think long. The answer had been in the front of his mind long before Derek asked the question. "Because why would someone like him," he gestured toward Logan, "love someone like me? Why would he pick me over…well, okay, not over Noah, that guy's like the scum of the earth, but… I just… He doesn't love me, okay?"

"That is really strong proof you have, I guess you showed me, didn't you?" Sarcasm dripped off Derek's tongue, and Julian grimaced.

"Look at him. Really discreet. Just…slowly…look with your eyes…" Derek didn't even have to check to make sure Logan was still looking at Julian. He knew he was.

Julian looked slowly, as directed, and saw Logan staring at him.

"He's just looking at me because…" Julian looked back at Derek to see the athlete, the professional soccer player, with leg muscles like steel and the ability to beat Julian in 99/100 arm wrestling matches, looking at him thoughtfully. "What?"

"I'm just wondering… In high school, Logan _did_ look right through you all the time. When you were there. But what do you think happened after you left?"

.

"_WHY THE HELL DID HE LEAVE?"_

_Logan stormed into Derek's dorm room, and he was MAD._

_Derek looked up from his math textbook. "Hmm?"_

"_WHY THE HELL DID JULIAN LEAVE?"_

_Derek just shook his head. "Did you try calling him?"_

"_Yeah. I called him. I left a message. I texted him. I freaking waited on Facebook for like an hour just sitting there waiting for him to log on."_

"_You mean you actually care?"_

"_Of course I care!" Logan was fuming, just standing in Derek's doorway looking like he wanted to murder someone. "Why did he have to LEAVE?"_

"_Movie deals were coming in, getting to be too much…" Derek flipped a page. "The Dalton workload is crazy, you know that. He just couldn't handle it all anymore."_

"_And why did he tell YOU all this? What makes YOU so damn special?" Logan demanded._

_Derek shrugged, the perfect image of nonchalance. _

"_Why didn't he TELL ME?" Logan shouted the last two words._

_Derek shrugged again. "Would you have listened?"_

_._

"Probably took him a week to even notice I was gone," Julian replied.

"No. I mean what do you think he did after he stopped being pissed at you for leaving him."

.

"_He left me." Logan was lying face down on his bed and his words were muffled by his pillow._

"_He didn't leave you." Derek was perched awkwardly on the edge of Logan's bed._

"_He did. Why else would he leave?"_

"_I've told you a thousand times…"_

"_Please. Tell me the real reason."_

"_Logan… It's been three months. You're just finally starting to miss him, instead of just yelling about him every day. Why do you think he might not have had any problem leaving?"_

"_He left me, I knew it." Logan's pillow was soaked with tears and he couldn't move his head or else Derek would see._

_._

Julian's mouth curled up in a self-protective smirk. "I didn't leave him."

"Oh? Well that's what he thought."

"I never left him," Julian whispered.

Derek didn't say anything. He couldn't think of a good response.

"I mean," Julian continued, like Derek knew he would, "after all those years, all those springs and summers and falls and winters, oh man the _winters_, I never, ever left him. Not for one _minute_ did I fool myself like I was fooling the world. In interviews, when I gave Loe the stupid ring, when we got married, when we had Jackson, and Tabby… I was lying to the world. And everyone bought it. When I said I loved her, they all believed me. When I said she was the one for me, they all believed me. But every night I would look at myself in the mirror and see myself saying, 'I love John Logan Wright the Third.' I couldn't fool myself. It's like it's imprinted inside my eyes, everywhere I go I see it. I just…" He coughed. "…that was really sappy. I'm sorry."

Derek was watching him closely. "No, that's fine. Say what you need to say."

Julian faked a laugh and looked around. "No. I think I'm done." He sniffed. "I have to go back to pretending or else maybe I won't be able to anymore."

"Why go back?" Derek asked. "Your heart wants him. Why deny it?"

Julian smiled grimly, devoid of any warmth. "Because I can't be with him. It hurts less if I'm the only one who knows it."

"It hurts less?" Derek eyed him. "Does it really?"

"Well I don't know what it would feel like if everyone else knew," Julian said, rubbing his arm. "But…I mean…I'd rather hurt just me than hurt the whole world."

"You aren't hurting just you, you know," Derek said. "You're hurting yourself, yeah, but you're hurting Logan more than that." He looked at Logan, who was watching the water now. Julian looked, too, and he could stare all he wanted because no one was watching. "Does anyone else know?"

"No," Julian says. "Well, Clark _might_. A little. Probably not."

Derek just nodded. "Well we should get back to Logan…"

.

"Took you guys long enough," Logan said when they returned to him. "What were you talking about?"

"If you were allowed to know you already would," Julian said sharply.

Logan raised his eyebrows. "That deep, dark secret you were talking about?"

"Maybe."

"Well when you decide to clue me in, let me know. Please. By all means. Don't keep me in the dark." He rolled his eyes. "Let's go, I want to go home. To your house. Not mine."

"I need a cigarette," Julian said as the walked away.

Logan threw a lollipop at him.

.

"Is this Clark Sawyer?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"Hi, my name is Derek Seigerson, I'm-"

"I know who you are."

"Good. So we can skip the introductions."

"Guess so."

"We have kind of a major problem."

"We do?"

"Are you a trustworthy person?"

"Definitely."

"Are you just saying that?"

"Would I tell you if I was?"

"…good point. But I'm going to tell you anyway."

"Okay, shoot."

"Julian loves Logan."

"Right."

"Right?"

"Yeah, I sort of figured."

"How long?"

"Well, he said something…really cryptic…about it. Three years ago. But I only put two and two together yesterday."

"So you know what we have to do, right?"

"…no, what?"

"We have to get them together!"

"…that might not be such a good idea. I mean…Julian…"

"Logan freaking _loves_ Julian, and Julian loves Logan, and I don't see any reason why they shouldn't be together."

"Well, the press would-"

"I don't care about the press! I care about _them_! Wouldn't you like to see Julian _happy_ for once?"

"He seems happy when he's with Logan…"

"Exactly."

"Okay. What exactly are we going to do about it, though? I mean, Julian is really stubborn…and married…and Logan is too…"

"Well they're a hell of a lot closer than they were last week. They're talking. Living in the same house. Ignoring their spouses. This is progress."

"Not to mention the sexual tension between them is through the roof."

"Right, there's that."

"But I still don't see what we're going to do…"

"We need them to figure out the feeling is mutual, first of all."

"I may have planted the seed yesterday. I told Logan about Julian's crush on Johnny Depp, and they both kind of freaked."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yep."

"Okay, we need Julian to come out, first of all. Just to Logan. That way it won't be such a hard concept for Logan that Julian loves him."

"…How do we get him to do that?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you all for your reviews and words of kindness. They mean absolutely everything to me.**

**Once again, CP Coulter owns Dalton and I do not.**

**Chapter 18**

Derek arrived at Julian's beach house the next morning bright and early. Well, okay, it was 10 am, but still. He knocked on the door, and there was no response, so he used his key (Julian had given him a copy years ago). Standing in the front hall, he shot off a quick text to Clark: **Bring him at 2. I'll be warming the waters over here.**

He silenced his phone, put it in his pocket, and took the stairs two at a time to Julian's bedroom.

He opened the door, slowly, very very very slowly because he didn't want to walk in on Julian changing or something, so he figured if he opened the door really slow, Julian would have time to yell at him and he'd close it and everything would be okay.

He sort of suspected Julian might be sleeping, but what he saw when he looked into the dark bedroom surprised him.

There was a very familiar head of brown hair, right next to a very familiar head of blonde hair.

Derek almost didn't want to believe it.

They were…sleeping together?

But not _sleeping together_, they'd never do that, not when they were both married. Besides, Julian was still deep in the closet as far as Derek knew.

So they were just sleeping. Together.

Derek closed his eyes and opened them, thinking that when he did Logan would be gone and Julian's arm wouldn't be wrapped around him and they wouldn't both look so peaceful.

But his eyes weren't deceiving him. There they were, happy as could be, fast asleep.

People feel the strongest emotions when they're asleep, because their minds aren't working on hyperdrive to cover it up. So love tends to come out, as does sadness and fear and pain, when someone is asleep. Once they wake up, their minds start up again and swallow the emotion in too much thought.

Derek didn't want to interrupt them, but he wanted to take them out to lunch so they'd be back around 2, and by that time Clark and his guest should be there.

So they needed to get up and have breakfast if they were going to be cool with going to lunch around 12.

"Hey," he whispered softly, even though he knew it wouldn't wake them up.

Julian shifted in his sleep, pulling Logan even closer to him. Derek bit his lip. If he woke Logan up first, Logan would see that Julian's arm was around him and that would just be the first step in Derek's plan, wouldn't it? Derek's Plan To Get Logan To Figure Out That Julian's Bi And Confront Him About It So Julian Will Tell Him The Truth.

So Derek crossed the room, not wanting to wake Julian up first, because if Julian woke up he'd move his arm and Step One would have failed.

Derek touched Logan's shoulder, just inches from Julian's hand. Logan stirred, pulling Julian's arm closer to him. Julian smiled in his sleep.

If it wasn't so frustrating, it would be adorable.

"Looooogannnnn," Derek whispered into Logan's ear. Logan didn't make any move to wake up. "Logan." He tapped his head. "Anybody home?" Logan's eyelids slowly fluttered open, and he registered many things at once:

First, Derek was waking him up.

Second, he was at Julian's house.

Third, he was in Julian's bedroom.

Fourth, he was in Julian's bed.

Fifth, Julian was in his bed, too.

Sixth, Julian's arm was wrapped around him and he was holding it there.

Logan threw Julian's arm off himself in surprise, which woke Julian up. Derek stood there pretending he wasn't standing there while Julian blinked and processed and turned to glare at Logan.

"You woke me up," he said angrily, but Logan wasn't paying attention.

He was looking at Derek.

"How the hell did you get in here?" he demanded.

"Spare key," Derek said, holding it up.

Logan cursed. "Jules, why would you give him a spare key?"

Julian was just realizing the situation – that Derek had caught him sleeping in the same bed as Logan, and would probably give him hell about it later because they were doing just that – sleeping. "I have no idea," he said, running a hand through his hair and sitting up.

"Why did you wake us up?" Logan asked Derek, sitting up also.

"Because I want to go out to lunch with you guys around 12 so we have to eat _now_."

"And why is it so important to go out to lunch at 12?" Julian demanded, throwing off the covers and standing up. "Couldn't we eat breakfast at 12 and go out to lunch at 2?"

"No," Derek snapped. "Breakfast is for the morning, lunch is for noon."

Logan and Julian each raised an eyebrow at him. "Since when have you been such a regimented eater? You used to have coffee for breakfast every morning," Logan said, being a hypocrite because all three of them knew that everyone in Stuart house had drank coffee for breakfast and ate nothing.

"Things change," Derek said, annoyed. "Just get dressed. I'll make something for breakfast."

"There's like…no food here," Logan said.

"That's not my fault!" Julian said defensively.

"I know. It's…_that woman's _fault. Not stocking her beach house enough."

Julian rolled his eyes. "It's my house too, you know."

"Are you just going to accept my forgiveness for being foodless, or are you going to argue with me?"

"Are you going to stop being pissed at Loe all the time?"

"Only when you do."

Julian glared at Logan. "Fine. We can both be pissed at her."

"Good, that was what I was planning on doing."

Derek left the room, calling, "I'm sure I'll find _something_."

But all he found was a row of empty cabinets, some protein bars, a box of cereal that had expired two months ago, sour milk, and orange juice.

When Julian and Logan came downstairs, fully dressed, twenty minutes later, Derek announced that, "Unless you want to eat old Cheerios with milk that expired a month ago, there's nothing to eat here."

"Told you," Logan said, smirking. "We ate all there was to eat last night… Basically we had popcorn and syrup for dinner."

Derek wrinkled his nose. "Let's go out to eat breakfast, too, then."

"We can't go out to eat breakfast and then lunch," Julian said. "That's weird and I bet you five bucks it'll be all over the tabloids…Something stupid like 'Julian Larson Has Bulimia.'"

Logan and Derek just looked at him. "What?"

"Because bulimics gorge and then barf?" Julian looked at them like they were being dense. "So I'm just going from restaurant to restaurant gorging and then barfing?"

"You do know that like…10% of people with eating disorders are guys, right? It's kind of uncommon, I doubt they'll know that."

"How the hell do you know all these statistics? First the smoking thing…Now this…It's just weird, Lo," Julian said.

"Noah-"

"Okay, I get it," Julian said, cutting him off.

Derek grabbed his car keys. "I think we should just risk people thinking that Jules is in the 10% of men who have eating disorders. And I _highly_ doubt _anyone_ will think that."

Julia shrugged. "You'll see."

.

"I don't understand what you're so antsy about," Logan said around a mouthful of hamburger. "It's just lunch. And then we're going home. And we're just going to sit there."

Derek's leg bounced up and down under the table. "I just don't like it in here, it's hot."

"Then take off your sweatshirt," Julian said calmly, sticking a French fry in his mouth in what seemed like slow motion to Derek.

Derek looked at his watch. 1:50.

He pulled out his phone. **They're being slow, **he typed into a new message. **Probably won't be back until 2:15.**

"Who are you texting?" Logan asked.

"No one." He pressed Send to Clark Sawyer.

"Let's talk about something other than Derek and his weirdness," Julian said.

"Let's talk about _you_."

Derek smirked at Julian's expression, which had turned to one of extreme displeasure and dread at what Derek was going to say.

"Yeah, let's." Logan put down his hamburger. "So Jules."

"What are you going to do about Loe?" Derek asked, to make sure Logan wouldn't steer the conversation in the wrong direction from where he wanted it to go.

Julian glared at Derek. "I'll let you know when I figure it out."

"Do you love someone else?" Derek asked.

Julian's glare intensified. "No."

"Why did you decide to break it off with her?"

"The woman's a bitch," Logan said under his breath.

"Because she was rude to Logan," Julian said loudly, shooting Logan a look.

"So you care about Logan more than you care about her?" Derek asked, knowing he'd get hell for this later. Julian was going to have a lot of hell to give Derek by the end of the day. But hopefully – _hopefully – _Julian would thank him someday.

It was a little while before Julian responded. "Yeah, I guess."

Logan was looking at him intently.

"So I was talking to Clark," Derek said, changing the subject, trying to make his tone casual but he wasn't much of an actor so it didn't work.

Julian's eyebrows shot up. "You were talking to _Clark_? Clark _Sawyer_? _Why?_ And how?"

"Yes, Clark Sawyer. Because I can if I want to. After all, he's your best friend and I'm your best friend, so I'm allowed. And I looked through your phone contacts."

Julian sighed, not liking where this was going _at all_. "Continue."

"And he said he wanted to come over today and he's bringing one of your _Something Damaged _castmates if that's okay?"

Julian's eyebrows shot up again. "Okay, why didn't he tell _me_ this and _who_ is he bringing?"

Derek just shook his head. "I don't know."

Logan was absorbed in his hamburger, so Derek raised his eyebrows pointedly and said to Julian, "But I hope he'll help resolve some of your issues."

Logan snorted. "Resolve some of Jules's issues? That's not possible."

"Speaking of issues," Derek said, looking at Logan now, "what's up with Noah?"

Logan growled. Actually growled.

"That bad, huh?" Derek asked.

Logan growled again. Julian kind of wanted to growl along with him.

Though for a different reason. Yes, he hated Noah, but he also hated Derek at the moment. Who the hell was Clark bringing, and why was Derek getting _Clark_ involved in this?

Clark had already practically blown his cover when he mentioned Julian's crush on Johnny Depp.

And then Julian had a terrible, terrible feeling that he knew _exactly _who Clark was bringing.

.

"_Hey, Julian," Clark said lazily, because it was a lazy afternoon and they were in Clark's trailer, both having just awoken from a nap on the set of _Something Damaged_. "Who was your first kiss?"_

_Julian looked at the ceiling. He was a little drunk because someone spiked the punch bowl at the snack table on the set. "Cameron," he said, smiling at himself. Okay, maybe he was a lot drunk._

"_Cameron Pike?" Clark sat up quickly. "You mean like…" He gestured outside to where Cameron was likely among the rest of the cast, waiting for Clark and Julian to show up to finish filming for the day._

"_Yeah." Julian giggled. He actually _giggled_._

"_You are so drunk, man," Clark said, laying back down._

"_No, it's true," Julian said. "Drunk people always tell the truth. Ask Cameron."_

"_Cameron wouldn't tell the truth."_

"_Then get him drunk._

_And for some reason – maybe it was the look in his eyes, or maybe it was the fact that drunk people really do always tell the truth – Clark believed Julian._

_._

Why was Derek so intent on Julian and Logan getting together? Didn't he see that it just wasn't going to happen? Julian couldn't tell Logan he was bisexual, much less that he was in _love_ with him. Because they were both married and if he needed any more convincing, he just had to remember that Logan had overlooked him time and time again in high school. Three years during which he could've fallen in love with Julian and he didn't, so clearly, it just wasn't meant to be.

"I just want you guys to be happy," Derek said, standing up. "Let's go."

"Since when were you such a sap?" Julian asked bitterly, scooping up a handful of fries before Logan stole them all.

Logan, sure enough, picked up the entire bag of fries and started eating them as they walked out of the restaurant.

.

Logan was still eating Julian's French fries when Julian unlocked the door to his house and opened it. Logan watched Julian look around warily and wondered what he was looking so nervous about. It was just Clark Sawyer and some other guy that Julian probably knew. Nothing to freak out about.

A little weird, but then again, it was Derek.

And then the guy who had played Wyatt Porter on _Something Damaged_ stepped through the doorway to the living room.

"Hey, Jules," he said.

Julian was looking like he'd just got shot or something. Logan stopped eating Julian's French fries because it seemed like an inappropriate time to be eating Julian's food when Julian was clearly very upset about something.

Though Logan couldn't for the life of him figure out what was so wrong with…what was his name?...Cameron Pike. That was it.


	19. Chapter 19

**HEY GUYS! –waves- **

**CP Coulter owns Dalton and all of these characters.**

**I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Your reviews and words of kindness mean the world to me.**

**Keep them coming, and follow me on tumblr if you'd like more Jogan. Flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

**:)**

**Chapter 19**

Julian blinked at Cameron. "What are you doing here?" he whispered, as if whispering it could make Cameron go away. If he acknowledged Cameron's presence out loud, that made it more real.

"Visiting you," Cameron said innocently. Too innocently.

Julian narrowed his eyes. "I didn't invite you."

Julian liked Cameron well enough as a person – he'd liked him well enough to have his first kiss with.

But there was really only one reason that Cameron would be here now. Acting innocent. And Clark and Derek were smiling at each other and Julian was trying to act casual by taking a fry from the bag in Logan's hands, but his hands were shaking and Logan was looking at him strangely.

"We're friends," Cameron said. "I didn't think I needed to be invited. I figured I could just show up."

"You could have called." Julian's voice sounded distant to him, like it was coming out of someone else's mouth.

"That would've ruined the surprise!" Cameron smiled at Julian, a smile that said to a very paranoid Julian, 'I'm going to tell your deepest darkest secret.'

Or half of it, anyway.

"Be a good host, Jules," Logan hissed into his ear. "At least invite him to sit down or something."

"Sit down, please," Julian said jerkily, not looking at Logan.

Everything. The last 12 years. It was all about to be ruined.

"Where?" Cameron asked, looking at Julian in concern.

Julian just turned around and headed into the living room.

There were two couches and an overstuffed chair, so Julian and Logan sat on one couch, Clark and Derek on the other, and Cameron took the chair.

"So!" Clark said loudly, too peppy.

Julian just stared at the floor.

Clark started talking about something, but Julian wasn't paying attention.

After about a minute of babble between everyone in the room but Julian, Logan leaned over and whispered in Julian's ear, "Are you alright?"

Julian shook his head. "I think I need to go to the bathroom." He stood up and without saying anything to anyone, and he went into the bathroom. He just stood there, looking at himself. He watched himself blink and counted his blinks. He'd gotten to 30 before he heard a knock.

"On a scale of one to ten," came Clark's voice through the door, "how pissed are you?"

"Eleven."

"Can I come in?"

"I'm in the bathroom. I'm peeing."

Clark opened the door. He came in and closed it behind him.

"Julian…" he said softly, "Why is this such a huge problem?"

"Because," Julian said, feeling sick to his stomach. "You _know_ about Cameron and I, and for _whatever reason_ you and Derek have it in your heads to make my life hell."

"That's one way to put it," Clark said in a musing tone of voice.

"It's the _only_ way to put it," Julian said coldly.

"But what if something good happens from this?" Clark asked.

"It won't," Julian snapped. "He's married, I'm married, I don't see how him knowing I'm _bisexual_ is even going to change anything except he'll get mad at me because I didn't tell him."

"Don't you think he'll be more supportive than that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Logan? Supportive? I've only ever seen him be _supportive _of people he _loves_. And he sure as hell doesn't love _me_."

Clark pursed his lips. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"Well I am."

"Isn't it better to be honest and have it all out in the open than to bottle it up?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because...Clark. This is what I've been doing for _twelve years_."

"And how is it working for you?"

Julian didn't respond, and in the silence that followed, it occurred to him that Cameron could be out there telling the whole story of Julian's first kiss to Logan.

"We have to go back," he said abruptly, pushing past Clark and out into the hall.

"Hey," Logan said when Julian sat back down. "What were you two doing in the bathroom, hmm?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Julian felt his hands start to shake again.

He knew.

Logan knew.

Cameron had told Logan.

Then Logan opened his mouth to say something else and Julian's whole body tensed. "So Cameron was just telling Derek and me about-" _Here it comes. He knows. _"-this one movie he's doing where he has to kiss a guy-" _Cameron Pike I hate you so much right now. _"-and how interesting an experience _that_ was. But it wouldn't be the first time." He raised his eyebrows again, and Julian just _knew_ that he knew, he knew, Logan knew everything.

"Logan just spit it out already, don't torture me like this," he begged. "Yell at me. Kill me. I don't even care."

Logan's expression of curiosity turned into one of confusion. "I…"

"Please. Don't look at me like that." Julian put his head in his hands. "I knew he was going to tell you about it, and it wasn't even a big deal, I was 14, it was just…it just happened."

Logan's expression was now of pure shock. Since Julian wasn't looking at him, he turned to look at Cameron instead, who nodded slowly.

Logan's eyes grew big.

Huge.

He couldn't breathe.

First the Johnny Depp thing…Julian's reaction to that…and now, Julian was literally sitting there telling him he was bisexual.

Well, okay, not really, he was actually still saying, "It wasn't a big deal, really, it just…we didn't mean for it to…" But he wasn't speaking very coherently and there was no reason for that other than the fact that he was hiding something. Something _big_.

And something inside Logan clicked into place.

Logan motioned for Cameron, Derek, and Clark to _leave_ by pointing toward the door and giving them all very menacing looks. Clark stood up first, then Cameron, and finally Derek left with a last long look at Logan that said, 'Go easy on him.'

Logan rolled his eyes. As if he wouldn't.

"Julian…" Logan scooted closer to Julian once he heard the front door close. "Jules…" He put his hand on Julian's head, enjoying the feeling of Julian's soft, soft hair far too much. Then he pulled. Julian's head snapped up, and his eyes were red.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Logan."

Logan made a shushing sound. "Don't be sorry." He put his arm around Julian and held him close. "Don't be sorry at all."

"I lied to you," Julian said, tears running down his face. "I told you I was…"

"Straight," Logan said quietly, almost to himself. He couldn't even process this, not really. Julian Larson, his best friend…

"I just…" Julian drew in a rattling breath, trying to compose himself.

"It's okay," Logan said, "just cry. It's okay."

"I can't cry." Julian pressed his fingers to his cheeks, feeling the tears there.

"Yes. You can. I cried when I found out I was gay."

"I'm-I'm not gay, Lo. I'm _not_. I honestly don't even know _what_ I am, but it sure as hell isn't straight. And I didn't just find out." Julian leaned his head on Logan's shoulder, just needing someone to hold him, even if that someone was Logan, the cause of the whole problem.

"I know. Shhh." Logan looked at Julian, so weak and vulnerable, and felt his heart swell.

He couldn't deny it, not anymore, not ever. He loved Julian, even though it was awful and terrible and he shouldn't. He did.

"I just…" Julian sniffled. "I never told anyone before."

Logan raised his eyebrows doubtfully. "Then how did Derek, Clark, and Cameron all know?"

Julian snorted. "Because the world hates me."

"No, seriously. How did they know?"

"Derek figured it out. Clark…I kind of…I might've maybe been a little drunk and I told him so that doesn't count. And Cameron obviously figured it out when we kissed." Julian took a deep breath. "Do you want to know how it happened?"

.

"_Cameron…" Julian was standing in Cameron's trailer, and Cameron was wearing a very tight black t-shirt with a v-neck, and Julian was thinking about Logan._

_Logan had a shirt like that, but Julian had only seen him wear it once._

_Julian really wished Logan would wear it more often._

"_I have to…" He took a step closer, and now Cameron was looking at him peculiarly. "I have to do something." He was advancing one step at a time, and Cameron knew what he wanted._

_Julian just needed answers. He needed to know for sure whether he was…_

_Julian got right up close to Cameron, and leaned in very slowly. Their lips brushed, but Julian found he wanted more than that. So did Cameron. Their lips connected, they were kissing, there were no fireworks but it wasn't bad, not at all. Cameron's hand found its way onto the small of Julian's back, and Julian entangled his hand in Cameron's hair._

_Soon they were on the floor, and were breaking apart, both smiling shyly at each other, each secretly wanting more._

_._

"No," Logan replied. "I don't really need to know. I can…I can picture it."

Julian sniffed again. "I need a tissue," he said, lifting his head up and looking around. There was a box on the coffee table so he grabbed a tissue and blew his nose and wiped at his eyes. "I probably look awful," he said, turning to Logan, who was watching him closely.

"No," Logan said softly. "No, you look…" _Fantastic. Amazing. Wonderful. Perfect. _"…fine."


	20. Chapter 20

**School's out, so there should be nothing keeping me from updating regularly!**

**(Except if my muse decides to leave me, which she does on occasion.)**

**(Oh and I'm going away for this weekend so there's that.)**

**(I really shouldn't have said anything.)**

**CP Coulter owns Dalton!**

**TUMBLR STALK ME, I'D LOVE IT: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

**Okay now…**

**Chapter 20**

Clark sat down on the front steps, and Cameron and Derek followed suit.

"What's Logan going to use to kill him?" Cameron asked, just to make conversation.

"There are a lot of knives in the kitchen…" Clark said in an 'I'm just discussing the weather' tone.

"The lamp," Cameron said.

"Maybe without the shade, it'd hurt more."

"And the lightbulb would break over his head, and it would-"

"He's not going to kill him!" Derek burst out.

Clark and Cameron looked hurt. "We know," Clark said. "Obviously."

"It's not funny to joke about," Derek said, crossing his arms and glowering at the pavement.

Cameron raised his eyebrows at Clark, who put a hand on Derek's shoulder and left it there for a second before realizing how completely awkward it was and removing it.

"We know," Clark said.

"No." Derek turned to him, looking angry and very much like Logan. "You actually don't, okay?"

Clark held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, fine, I don't."

Derek held out for another three seconds before bursting out with, "They're my best friends and _that's_ why I had to do this, okay?"

Neither Clark nor Cameron said anything.

"Because I can't _stand_ to see either of them unhappy. And they're both unhappy and it's just like TV shows where two people love each other and they don't know it but _everyone else does_. And it's the most frustrating thing in the world. You know?"

Clark and Cameron nodded.

"And they're probably _still_ managing to just…skirt around each other while being _insanely obvious and flirty and ridiculous_. But they're ignoring it, just because they're married. So somehow, we need to get them _un_married before they'll do anything."

Clark raised his eyebrows. "Do you know how long it takes to get a divorce?"

Derek nodded slowly. "Of course I do."

"So how do you plan on getting them divorced and then together while the love is still there?" Cameron asked.

Derek and Clark looked at him like he was stupid.

"You have no idea how long Julian has loved Logan, do you? 12 years. And then there's Logan, who, in high school, wasn't deterred by _anything_ except flat-out rejection. He never stopped loving someone unless that person went out of their way to reject him." Derek gave Cameron a look that just said _Duh. _

"And Julian didn't reject him by…ignoring him for 9 years and marrying someone else?"

"No, he _did_. That's exactly what I mean!" Derek smiled. "Don't you see? Even though Julian rejected him for 9 years straight, every single day, Logan _still loved him_. So…"

"So basically they won't ever stop loving each other," Clark said.

"Right."

"So they won't be happy until they're together."

"Right again."

"So let's get them together."

"That's what we've been trying to do."

"Any plans yet?"

"Not one."

.

"We should probably…" Julian coughed and rubbed at his eyes. "We should probably get Clark and Derek and uh…"

"Please don't bring Cameron back into this house," Logan whispered, staring into Julian's eyes in a way he shouldn't.

"I can't just walk outside and be like, 'Hey, Derek, Clark, you're allowed to come in! Cameron, get out. Have a nice day!'"

Logan raised his eyebrows. "Julian…you know what I _hate_ even more than best friends who won't even come out to me?"

Julian looked at his feet, red coloring his cheeks.

"It's people who force _other people_ out of the closet."

"He didn't exactly force me. In case you hadn't noticed, I was the one who actually told you."

"You wouldn't have told me if he hadn't made you, though. Admit it, Jules, you were just going to lie to me your whole life."

"I was not! I had a very specific plan wherein, with my dying breath, I would call you and admit the whole thing to y-" And it was then that Julian realized that he'd said a little bit too much.

"The…whole thing? To me? Why is it even so important, with your dying breath?" _Why am _I _so important? You left me for nine years._

And this is how the conversation could have played out from there, if they were both being honest and speaking what was on their hearts and there were no strings attached to anything, ever:

"_Because…YOU are important to me, Logan."_

"_I…am? You left me for nine years, Jules, I can't possibly be that important to you."_

"_I left because I loved you, and you didn't love me, so I couldn't stick around anymore to watch that."_

"_After you left…I fell in love with you. I've been in love with you for nine years."_

But there were strings attached and they weren't being honest or speaking what was on their hearts, so all of this went unsaid and Julian just shrugged. "Because you're the gayest guy I know and if I have to do something profound like that I'd want to make it _really_ profound, you know?"

"Oh? Really? That's it? Not because I'm your best friend… No, you want to come out to me in particular because I'm gay. I see how it is." Logan feigned anger, but really he was ridiculously happy that Julian would think of _him_ while dying.

"Well, it's either call you or tell Derek that it was me who dyed his hair purple in sophomore year," Julian said jokingly, pretending to weigh the options.

"Shut up." Logan elbowed him in the ribs, but he didn't pull his arm away. It just sort of stayed there, his elbow touching Julian's ribs.

Logan heard Julian's intake of breath and looked up at him.

Neither of them said anything. Their eyes locked, Logan's elbow stayed on Julian's stomach.

Neither of them could look away or move at all.

What was this? Was it a sappy moment like on television shows that Julian had played out time and time again, or was it just awkward?

Julian and Logan both puzzled over this, tried to figure it out. Their eyes stayed locked, each searching the other's expression for something – a hint of feeling. Some little sliver of hope that what they each felt was reciprocated.

Maybe they both found that little sliver of hope, because they were leaning closer.

They were not going to kiss, they were not going to kiss, they really weren't, neither had any intention of kissing…

But…

When their lips were a few inches apart, that was the moment that Noah arrived.

.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LOGAN?"

Noah was yelling and Logan was looking down, ashamed. Julian knew this ashamed part would only last a few minutes, tops. Maybe only a few more seconds before Logan exploded. For right now he just looked confused and like he was trying to really grasp the situation.

"DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST RUN AROUND DOING WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT WITH _WHOEVER_ THE HELL YOU WANT? DON'T YOU CARE THAT THIS COULD GET OUT TO THE PRESS, AND WITH YOU AND _HIM_, THE PRESS WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY AND THERE WOULD GO MY JOB? DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THAT? ABOUT MONEY? ANYTHING?"

Logan still didn't respond.

Julian looked nervously at Derek, who'd come in just after Noah, explaining hurriedly that he'd tried to stop Noah from coming in but it hadn't worked.

Derek just bit his lip nervously. He jerked his head toward Logan, and Julian looked at Logan just in time to see his whole body go rigid, right as Noah was saying, "-YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND PEOPLE, LOGAN. THEY USE YOU, AND THEN THEY TOSS YOU OUT ON THE CURB."

"Kind of like you're using me?" Logan asked, fire and ice in his words, and they cut through the air to hit Noah straight in the chest.

Maybe it would've penetrated his heart.

If he'd had one.

"I am not using you," he said quietly. "Not at all, Logan. You're the one going around kissing _other men_. You're married, Logan! You need to remember that you can't just follow your feelings wherever they take you! And if it doesn't matter about _your_ morals, think of _his_." Noah jerked his thumb at Julian. "Doesn't it matter that _he_ is married, as well?"

Logan turned to look at Julian. He didn't have to say anything for Julian to know that he was leaving. That he would go with Noah, because he was _married_ to Noah. Logan would leave and maybe he'd send a Christmas card every year and maybe a birthday card – if Julian was lucky.

"You're married. I'm married." Logan whispered this, and each word bit at Julian's heart, tearing it slowly, which was far more painful than if Logan had just ripped all at once.

Logan turned around and walked out of the room and out of the house, Noah on his heels, glaring back at Julian in a triumphant and smug way.

Julian looked helplessly at Derek. "Well. I guess it's over," he said, trying to pass it off like he didn't really care.

"Like hell it is. We'll figure this out, Jules. Don't worry. This is not over."


	21. Chapter 21

**So…I'm just sitting here, rocking out to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And you know what? I AM READY TO WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER.**

…

**Well, okay, I'm GOING to write another chapter, even though my muse is like…over there. –points to Australia- **

**ANYWHO.**

**So um…**

**CP Coulter owns Dalton.**

**My tumblr is flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com.**

**Please leave a review, and to those of you who already have, I LOVE YOU!**

**(Oh and guys? Your anger toward Noah and the fact that Jogan isn't canon yet in this story make me laugh a lot and I love you all.) **

**(Oh and guys?**

**Chapter 21**

"I will kill you," Logan growled under his breath as Noah dragged him to their car. "And you don't have to drag me, in case you hadn't noticed, _I_ was the one who left all on my own."

And why?

Why had Logan left?

He, Julian, Derek, Clark, and Cameron could _definitely _take Noah.

So why had Logan left and gone with Noah?

Maybe it was because he was scared – scared of his feelings for Julian that might actually be returned.

But that was so cliché and Logan didn't want to be cliché.

Maybe it was because he realized what he was about to do. He was about to _kiss Julian Larson_. There were several problems with this. 1) He was Logan's best friend and best friends don't kiss. 2) He was married. 3) Logan was married. 4) He was JULIAN LARSON. 5) He was a movie star. 6) It would be all over the tabloids and make the world hell if—

Oh, who the hell _was_ Logan, _Noah_? Logan didn't _care_ about tabloids and whatever shit they said about him.

Logan did what he wanted and if tabloids didn't like it, whatever.

So then that wasn't the reason.

Real 6) Logan was actually just scared of his feelings for Julian that might actually be returned.

Why would he be scared, though?

Maybe it was because of numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5, made even worse if Logan loved Julian and WAY worse if Julian loved Logan, which he probably didn't even!

He'd kissed Cameron and he didn't love Cameron.

Or had he, at the time?

No, it didn't matter, that was in the past…

Still, Logan felt a little pang of jealousy at the thought of Julian loving someone else.

.

Julian took another long drag from his cigarette.

"Logan will be pissed when he finds out," Derek was saying.

Julian just laughed a bitter, unfeeling laugh.

"You know, J, you really shouldn't be…" Clark trailed off when he saw Julian's glare.

"If it wasn't for you guys none of this would've happened," Julian said, tossing his half-finished cigarette on the living room floor. It would leave a stain and Loe would give him hell for it but did he care?

"How is this _our_ fault?" Derek asked, indignant.

"If you'd just let it _be_, Logan would still be here and I wouldn't be…" Julian gestured to the cigarette on the floor.

"A mess?" Clark raised an eyebrow and sat next to Julian on the couch, putting an arm around him. Julian shrugged it off.

"Come on, Jules." Derek sat on the other side of him. "You made Cameron _leave_…He was just trying to do something nice for you."

"Right. Like chasing off Logan, the only person I've ever…" He got a distant look in his eyes. "Whatever."

"Just say it, Jules." Derek started to smile an encouraging smile but Julian wasn't looking at him so there was really no point.

"What the hell am I going to do without him?" Julian asked, ignoring him.

"You aren't going to be without him," Clark said. "We're going to go tie Noah to a chair, tape up his mouth, give him a good ten kicks in the balls, and Logan can come with us."

Julian snorted. "He wouldn't come with you even if you took care of Noah."

Clark and Derek looked at each other with _Our friend is an idiot_ expressions on their faces.

"You don't honestly believe that," Derek said.

"He left. Maybe you hadn't noticed?" Julian put his head in his hands, threading his fingers through his hair.

Neither Clark nor Derek had anything really to say about that. Because it was true. For some reason, Logan had left. Even though he loved Julian.

"You were going to kiss," Derek pointed out.

"We got caught up in the moment."

"You can't tell me it meant nothing to either of you."

"It meant nothing to him."

"To hell it meant-"

"Derek," Clark interjected. "I think you should go talk some sense into Logan and I'll stay here with Julian. Just figure out…why he left with Noah. And if you can, give Noah a good…" He demonstrated kneeing someone in the groin.

"Will-do." Derek stood up and, with a last long look at Julian, who hadn't even acknowledged that he was leaving, left.

.

"What is wrong with you?" Derek asked through the door.

"You're a man. Logan likes kissing men. You aren't allowed in unless you go get a sex change."

"Wow you're really funny." Derek rolled his eyes and balled his hands into fists. "But it's actually Derek."

"I don't care who it is."

Then there was the sound of a small struggle, and Derek didn't hold his breath because he knew that Logan was stronger than Noah.

Logan opened the door. "Hey. Ignore him. Do you want to go somewhere?"

He was doing this weird thing with his face where he was trying to look peppy and happy and smiley and like "everything's normal" but he just looked like he was having convulsions or something.

"Yes," Derek replied.

And Logan slammed the door in Noah's face.

"What is his _problem_?" Derek asked as he and Logan walked down the hallway.

"I'm still trying to figure it out." Logan rolled his eyes and again he sort of looked like he was having convulsions. The movement was supposed to be nonchalance, like he didn't really care at all.

It totally did not work.

"Why are you still trying to figure it out? Why are you still there, with him?" Derek motioned backwards toward Logan's apartment.

Logan blew air out of his mouth in response.

"Seriously, Logan… You going with Noah… Julian thinks…"

"I know what he thinks," Logan snapped. "It's what _I_ think that confuses me so much."

"Don't you…"

"I do."

"Then why not…"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

.

**Text received from Derek Seigerson, 11:28 PM:**

**-Okay, I've done a lot of damage control here, but he's still in no way ready to see Julian.**

**Text received from Clark Sawyer, 11:29 PM:**

**-Same here. Idiots.**

**Text received from Derek Seigerson, 11:31 PM:**

**-We need to get them together at some point tomorrow, but I'm busy all day.**

**Text received from Clark Sawyer, 11:45 PM:**

**-Sorry for the delay. Julian just went off the deep end I think. I'm back now, we're fine.**

**Text received from Derek Seigerson, 11:46 PM:**

**-Is he alright? What happened?**

**Text received from Clark Sawyer, 11:52 PM:**

**-He wants to go back to Loe.**

**Text received from Derek Seigerson, 11:53 PM:**

**-WHAT? NO. NONONONONONONO we're coming over.**

.

"Hello?"

"Don't come over."

"Why not? He needs to get some sense _beat_ – I mean talked – into him."

"No. He already left. It's too late."

"But…maybe if Logan had been there he wouldn't have…"

"No, he would've _gone_ sooner. He would've seen Logan and… Unless Logan's had a change of heart and would've gone and kissed him while pulling his clothes off in a way that definitely showed his true feelings?"

"He's still as hopeless as ever."

"Okay well… I guess… I'll go over to Julian's house in the morning and see what I can do. You just…stay with Logan as much as you can. I'll text you tomorrow."

.

"Julian?" Loe sat up in bed, squinting at the figure in the doorway, trying to make it out in the darkness.

"Loe. I'm so sorry." Julian took a hesitant step toward the bed.

"Come here," Loe said, opening her arms and beckoning him forward. "I understand, we all make mistakes. Our vision becomes clouded. It's fine."

Julian sniffed but he was all cried out. He couldn't cry anymore, probably not ever. He sat down on the bed and pulled off his shoes.

"I don't want you to see him anymore," Loe said.

Julian laid down and put his arm around her. "Neither do I."

Julian was good at lying.


	22. Chapter 22

**HIIIIIII! Sorry for the delay on this chapter; I went to the shore for the weekend and had no internet connection or even my laptop. So now I'm back and let's do this!**

**(By the way, you can ALWAYS find me on tumblr: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com)**

**(Also, CP Coulter owns Dalton.)**

**(ALSO. I love love love love love love love love love LOVE reading your reviews and your opinions and your thoughts and your threats toward Noah and just…it's great. Keep it coming, please!)**

**Chapter 22**

"Good morning." Julian kissed Loe on the cheek as she looked at the skillet. "I think you should flip that," he said, motioning to the single pancake on it. "And where's mine?"

Loe looked at him like he was a stranger. "Where's yours? What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Julian's face fell. "I mean didn't you make one for me? Or Jack? Or Tab?"

"They're at a sleepover down the road. I didn't know you liked pancakes."

_Logan knows I like pancakes._

_Logan would've made one for me._

_Logan also left me._

"It's fine, I wanted a…" Julian opened the nearest cupboard, quickly scanning the shelves. "Pop tart." He pulled out the box of strawberry pop tarts and pulled out one of the silver packages. He tore it open and pulled out a pop tart. He bit into it and tried to keep from making a face. "Mmmm. Yum."

Loe pursed her lips. "So what are you going to do today?"

Julian made a face at the pop tart and wondered why he was even eating it. He tossed the disgusting object into the trash can as he said, "Nothing."

"What are you, a teenager?" Loe joked, only it wasn't really joking and Julian didn't really laugh and neither did Loe.

"Maybe I'll take Jack and Tab to the-"

"Their nanny is coming over to take care of them today once they come home," Loe interrupted. "I was hoping you and I could do something together."

Establishing their relationship, that was what she was doing, and it was so see-through Julian wanted to throw up.

"Like?" Julian waited for her to come up with something really terrible, something so horrible that maybe he could just walk away and say 'okay that's it we're divorced now.'

"Like I thought we'd just go for a drive and end up where we end up." Loe smiled and Julian realized that she'd come up with the least horrible thing she could so that Julian couldn't just walk away and say 'okay that's it we're divorced now' without seeming like a terrible person.

Julian really hated Loe.

"That sounds great." He smiled too but it probably wasn't a smile.

.

"Logan?"

"Mmph."

"Logan?"

"Go away."

"Log-" And Derek was hit in the face with Logan's pillow, which Logan had ripped out from under his head so fast it was almost superhuman.

"Go. Away."

"This is my house, Lo. You're in my guest bed."

"I don't even care, it's my bed now."

"It is not your-"

Logan turned over so Derek saw his face and his red eyes that weren't red because of sleep deprivation. "Can it be? Please?"

Derek didn't want to talk about this now but he had to. Here was his opportunity. "What about Noah?" he asked, sitting tenderly on the edge of the bed.

Logan groaned.

"You can't just ignore him."

Logan sighed.

"You know you can't, Lo. You have to talk to him eventually."

"Please don't make me."

"You put up with him for-"

"I wasn't in my right mind, don't blame me for my poor decisions."

Derek sat there for a second, trying to figure out if there was anything he could really do. He wasn't trying to talk Logan into going back to Noah. He didn't want that at _all_. He just wanted a more permanent division between Noah and Logan.

One that might convince Julian in turn to divorce Loe.

"Have you thought about divorce?" Derek asked, trying to act casual.

"Do you mean every second of last night? Or the night before that? Or the night before _that_? What about the time Julian and I almost kissed? Does that count? How about just plain _cheating_? Is that like thinking about divorce?" Logan realized he was saying too much but he felt reckless and he didn't really care if Derek knew. He suspected Derek had known the whole time.

"You love Julian," Derek said quietly.

Logan didn't say anything. He didn't deny it. And in doing so, he confirmed it.

"So why don't you-"

"Because _he_ doesn't love _me_? Because he's married, and I don't care how terrible and horrible and UGHHHH she is, he's over there, with her!" Logan was sitting up now and there were tears welling in his eyes that seemed unsure as to whether they should come out or just stay there in the comfort of Logan's eyes.

"He wouldn't be if you hadn't left," Derek said sensibly, glancing at the clock and realizing that he was going to be late for practice.

"I had to leave," Logan said miserably.

"Why? Because Noah was there? Because Logan, you don't _care_ what Noah thinks. If he said left you'd go right, you know it's true, Logan!"

Logan just stared at the wall.

"I think you're just scared," Derek said.

"Of what?"

"Scared that Julian might return the feel-"

"No," Logan moaned. "Please, no. First of all, he _doesn't, _okay?"

Derek looked at him sadly. "Why do you say that? Why do you insist that he doesn't love you? He's bisexual, Logan. He might."

"He's married," Logan said more to himself than to Derek because Derek knew it better than Logan did.

"I know. But so are you. If you can love Julian, then who's to say Julian can't love you?"

"It's different," Logan said, but he wasn't so sure it was.

.

"This is nice." Julian said this sarcastically.

He was driving and Loe was sitting there in the passenger's seat looking at something on her cell phone.

"Hmmm?" Loe looked up for a moment.

"Nothing."

"Okay." Loe started laughing. "Jules, you have to see this. Pull over."

"I'm on the highway and don't call me that."

"Call you what?"

"Jules."

"I've always called you that."

"Well not anymore."

"O…kay…" Loe made her eyes big and raised her eyebrows like 'I don't know what's wrong with you but I'll go along with it anyway.'

"So." Julian wanted conversation for some reason, even though he and Loe usually got along better when they ignored each other. "Got anyplace in mind to go?"

"Not really." She was back on her phone. "Oh, look, the Dodgers-"

"I don't care," Julian snapped.

It was weird how Loe cared about baseball and Julian didn't. Julian didn't really put up with stereotypes. Like the movie star who had it all together. He really didn't go along with _that _particular stereotype.

"So um." Julian racked his brains but he couldn't think of a thing to say. He could think of lots of things to say to Logan, but Logan had left him. They were going to kiss and Julian had thought that _maybe_ – just maybe – things might be all right. And then Noah arrived and Logan chose Noah.

Why would Logan choose Noah, anyway? The man was unbearable. Was Julian that unbearable?

Perhaps it was better this way. Less confusing. Julian was with his wife and Logan was with his husband and that was how it was supposed to be. Married people only kissed their spouses – well not really in Julian's case but probably in Logan's case. Ever since the whole Joshua thing, Julian really didn't think Logan would go down that road again.

Maybe that was why Logan had left… He didn't want to cheat on Noah.

So why didn't he just throw his ring at Noah and then make out with Julian?

Oh, right.

Loe.

"I really think they have a shot at winning the World Series this year," Loe was saying, and it took Julian a minute to figure out that she was talking about baseball again.

.

"I'm married." Logan was pacing the room and Derek was missing soccer practice. It was really important that he be there, too.

Then again, it was more important that he be _here_. With Logan. Because if he didn't watch over Logan and make sure he didn't mess things up even more, who would?

"Right." Derek was holding his phone, waiting for news from Clark about Julian.

"I have to get _un_married, but Jules won't so what's the point?"

"The point is that you're unhappy with Noah, and you were even before Julian came into the picture." Derek was barely even paying attention. _How do we get Logan and Noah apart? Not to mention Loe and Julian, which'll be the real issue…_

"Why hasn't he called me or anything?" Logan asked.

"Who? Noah?"

"Julian."

"You left. He probably thinks that means you don't like him. You chose Noah over him."

Logan's eyes grew big. "I didn't!" he protested.

"You did."

Logan's hand flew to his pocket and he was pulling out his cell phone and starting to dial it by the time Derek could stop him.

"Wait!" Derek said, standing up and grabbing Logan's phone. "You need to deal with the Noah issue first. You need to go over there and tell him you're getting a divorce."

.

"_Noah Greenfeld…Will you marry me?"_

_Logan's knee really hurt on the floor like this, and his arms ached from holding up the ring box. But Noah was freaking out and Logan knew from movies that you had to stay on one knee until the person finally said yes, which Noah was taking his time in getting around to._

"_Noah…" Logan interrupted Noah's babbling on and on about the wedding and connections they would have and all that crap. "My knee hurts, could you just say yes already?"_

"_What?" Noah looked confused. "Oh, didn't I say…Okay, whatever. Yes."_

.

"Noah."

"Logan."

"This isn't working out."

"What isn't working out? You and Julian? Good."

"No. _That's_ working out…fine. You and _me_. That's the problem."

"And what are you doing to solve this problem?"

Logan pulled the gold ring off his finger. He tossed it to Noah, who didn't catch it. It hit the floor with a small clatter.


	23. Chapter 23

**Your reviews are wonderful, I love them more than anything!**

**Thank you thank you thank you all for reading my story!**

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**CP Coulter owns Dalton!**

**And now I present to you…**

**Chapter 23**

It took two weeks. Two whole weeks of yelling and no sleeping and arguing and more yelling. Finally Logan convinced Noah to agree to the divorce.

Not once during the two weeks did Logan talk to Julian.

But it was okay, he told himself. He didn't need Julian right now. He had Derek and what would he even do with more than one friend? Logan wasn't that type of person, that's what he told himself.

Another thing he told himself a lot was that he didn't need to regret leaving Julian for Noah. He didn't need to wish he'd just waved off Noah, kissed Julian, and then…

Well, he wasn't really sure what would've happened, because what if Julian had been the one to decide to leave then? Logan had been left alone enough times in his life to really dread it.

So that might have been it – that might have been the reason he left. But now he regretted it and he was just trying to distract himself with the whole divorce thing and not think about Julian.

It was proving to be impossible, because Julian was the man he loved. And when you love someone, they occupy 75% of your thoughts. Every thought Logan had, even little ones like _Which kind of bread should I buy? _was underlined by _JULIAN JULIAN JULIAN JULIAN JULIAN_.

Derek kept bugging Logan, every time he saw him during those two weeks – which was often because Logan kept showing up at Derek's house in the middle of the night, or at soccer practice in the middle of the day – to talk to Julian. But as much as Logan wanted to, he'd convinced himself that Julian would talk to _him_ at some point.

Derek wondered what was wrong with him, and asked repeatedly if Noah had somehow damaged his brain or something.

The answer, of course, was yes.

Noah _had_ damaged Logan's brain, but not in the physical sense. In the sense that Logan didn't believe he was worthy of loving and being loved. Logan didn't know this, and Derek only figured it out because Clark had told him that once he read a book about a guy going through a divorce who thought that he wasn't worthy of love.

So then it all made perfect sense and Derek sat Logan down and told him and Logan said that yeah, that made sense, he wasn't worthy of love, was he? And thank you Derek for pointing it out, you're such a great friend.

Sarcastic.

"Logan, you _are_ worthy of love. _Julian's _love."

"Julian?" Logan said this like he didn't really know who Julian was and could Derek please elaborate?

"Don't give me this shit, Logan, you _know_ Julian loves you!"

"Why would he?"

"Beats me, he just does. Isn't it weird that he figured out he was bi shortly after-"

"Kissing Cameron?"

"Meeting _you_."

"Why would meeting me make him realize he was bi?"

"Are you _stupid_?"

"No, are you?"

"Logan. You have a lot of good qualities! You're smart and funny sometimes and when you want to be, you're really nice, and you care about your friends, and-"

"Are you saying that _you're_ in love with me?"

"Will you shut up and receive a compliment?"

"It's a terrible compliment, Derek. I'm not funny or nice and I only have one friend for a reason. I'm smart but where has that gotten me?"

"Well you're apparently not smart enough to notice that your best friend – one of your _two_ friends – is _in love with you_."

"You're in love with me?"

"JULIAN! JULIAN IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"I don't believe you."

"It's true! He wanted to kiss you just as much as you wanted to kiss him."

"I don't believe you."

"Logan…"

"I will never believe you, I don't care what you say."

.

"Logan is getting a divorce."

Julian didn't even want to believe it was true in case Clark was lying or thought it was a funny joke.

"What?" he asked, pretending like he didn't hear.

"You heard me."

"Clark…"

"Logan. Is. Getting. A. Divorce."

"From Noah?"

"No, from the other guy." A beat, and Clark realized it wasn't funny. "Of _course_ from Noah!"

"Why?" Julian was stalling, because he still didn't want to let himself believe it.

"Excuse me, can I please speak to Julian, not the _idiot_ I'm talking to right now?"

This was a really good thing and a really bad thing, Julian thought as he hung up the phone without saying another word. He put it on his bed and laid back. Loe was at work. Jackson and Tabby were in the playroom making a tea party that they were going to invite Julian to any minute.

_And Logan is getting a divorce._

That was a really good thing, for obvious reasons.

And then a really bad thing because that meant that Julian's marriage was the only thing standing in the way now.

Oh, that and Julian would never be able to tell Logan he loved him.

But still, it was all Julian now.

He'd get hell from Clark and Derek, because he had no excuse now.

But he couldn't get a divorce from Loe, because…

"Daddy?"

Julian looked up. That was why. Tabby and Jackson were standing in the doorway, bright smiles on their faces, each holding a piece of paper.

"Here." They came forward and handed Julian the invitations they'd made. He sat up and looked down at them. They were crudely drawn in crayon.

'COME TO A TEA PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA.'

"I learned that word at school!" Jackson proclaimed, sticking out his chest proudly.

Julian smiled, glad they'd sent their son to genius preschool, but also knowing that Jackson had probably copied it from the ones Julian had helped him make last month. "That's great!" He stood up. "I'd love to come."

As he sat at the table in the playroom, his knees coming up to his chest, pretending to sip tea from a pink teacup, he realized that this was why he couldn't get a divorce.

He couldn't leave his children. He couldn't leave his family, even if Loe was unbearable. He'd made a mistake in marrying her and having kids with her, but it was a mistake he couldn't take back.

As he watched Tabby pour Jackson 'tea' from a teapot, and Jackson protesting and saying he was too manly for tea, and Julian cutting in and saying that it was always nice to take a woman out for tea, Julian realized that as messed up as things were with Loe, he loved the children they'd created together. He didn't love Loe, but he didn't know how he could bear to leave Jackson and Tabby.

.

"_Julian, we need to talk to you."_

_Julian was sitting on the couch and he didn't know why his parents looked so anxious._

_Well, he kind of did know, but he didn't really want to know._

"_Your mother and I," his father started, sounding very solemn and like he'd memorized this speech as if he were at an awards show accepting a big award he'd spent his life working toward, "love you very much, Julian. But we don't love each other as much as we love you right now, so we're-"_

"_We're getting a divorce," Julian's mother cut in, and Julian loved her for it._

_He didn't want to sit there listening to his dad beat around the bush for ages. He wanted it to be quick and painful rather than long and painful._

_Julian didn't really have anything to say. He wasn't stupid, so he couldn't ask why or what would happen to him or anything like that. He knew. He knew this was the beginning of a life stretched between two people and two places. _

_He really wanted to know how they could stand there and do this to him._

_He wanted to know if they loved him so much, why couldn't they just make it work?_

_But Julian couldn't say these things._

_So because he had nothing more to say, Julian stood up and left the room._

.

"He's an idiot." Derek and Clark said this in unison as they sat down at Clark's usual table in Starbucks, the same one where Clark had first figured out Julian loved Logan.

"You first," Derek said. "I really don't want to talk about Logan right now."

"Julian hung up on me this afternoon when I told him Logan was getting a divorce. He didn't even _know_, for one thing, and it's been practically official for two weeks."

"By the way, Noah finally agreed today," Derek interjected.

"That's great, so now it's _really_ official and Julian doesn't seem to want to believe it. I mean, there's a small chance – _very_ small – that he hung up on me and then ran over to Logan's…"

"Doubtful." Derek frowned. "And Logan refuses to believe that Julian loves him."

Clark massaged his temples. "I see where Julian is coming from. If I had a wife and kids, I wouldn't want to get a divorce, either. But… It's worse to have parents who hate each other than to have divorced parents, I think. I don't know, I think the only way he'll agree to get a divorce is if he thinks it'd be better for Jackson and Tabby."

Derek's eyebrows were furrowed as he thought about this. It was unlikely that Julian would ever think that, because his own parents were divorced and he wouldn't want to do that to his children.

And that was when he had an idea.

"I got it!" He stood up quickly. "Do you know where Julian's mom lives?"


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello! –waves-**

**So CP Coulter owns Dalton, I own my intense gratitude for all your reviews, and I also own my tumblr which you should check out: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

**Thank you for reading, I hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!**

**Chapter 24**

"I really don't want to leave Logan alone right now."

Derek was wringing his hands and looking around nervously as Clark drove, hand casually draped over the wheel. He was actually driving with his wrist, and that was not comforting to Derek.

"Derek. Dude. Chill." Clark slammed the brakes as they came to a stop sign that he hadn't seen until the last minute.

"Maybe I can drive…?" Derek asked timidly.

Why was he even so nervous? He'd met Julian's mom before. Once.

Or was that someone else…?

It was probably Dolce.

But that wasn't really the problem, was it? It was probably that Derek realized the significance of this. He realized how much rode on Julian's mom saying the right things and having the right answers.

"No," Clark replied, having safely navigated the right turn after a moment of debate. "It's one of those things… Like I can remember where to go if _I_ drive but I can't tell _you_ where to go…"

He was smiling and looking perfectly calm, while Derek thought he might have a heart attack.

"Relax," Clark said, glancing at Derek over his sunglasses. "J's mom is really cool."

"What if she says the wrong thing?" Derek blurted out, and he didn't even realize he'd said it until after the words had hung in the air like a lead weight for a few seconds.

"Then we'll switch tactics," Clark said after puzzling it over for a moment. "I'm sure she'll say the _right_ thing, anyway. She'll say she's glad she got a divorce and to bring Julian to talk to her right away and then he will and boom! He and Logan will be together before we know it!"

Derek just looked at him sideways. "You live in a strange reality, but I hope you're right."

.

"Hello," Clark said when Dolce Larson opened the door.

"Clark Sawyer!" Dolce opened her arms and they did that awkward hug thing that you do with people you don't really know that well but for some reason they want to hug you anyway.

"And…" She looked Derek up and down, clearly at a loss for his name.

"Derek Seigerson," Derek offered.

"Right! Of course! I believe we met… Well, that must have been a very long time ago! At Julian's high school, right?" She seemed to realize they were still standing on the front stoop, and she didn't know Derek quite well enough for the awkward hug thing, so she stepped aside and shepherded them in.

Derek sighed in relief at being spared the awkward hug thing, and then he took in his surroundings and wondered how the hell Julian had survived living in this house for so long.

There were pictures. Of Julian. Everywhere.

Julian with different famous people. Just Julian. Julian with his mom. Julian at the fair, at Disneyland, at the beach, graduating, _everything Julian had ever done in his life was hanging on the walls of his mother's house._

Derek tried not to laugh.

It was kind of funny.

"So what's wrong?" Dolce asked, leading Derek and Clark – who seemed unfazed by the multitude of Julian – into the living room.

"What do you mean?" Clark asked, nudging Derek in a 'pay attention you idiot this is important you can stare at Julian later' kind of way.

"I mean why would his two best friends show up at his mother's house without him?" Dolce leveled them an intense gaze, and Clark returned it evenly. Derek still wasn't really paying attention.

"We just need some advice," Clark said, taking authority over the situation because clearly Derek wasn't going to.

"Involving Julian?" Dolce was looking skeptical.

"Yes."

"Would you like drinks?" she asked suddenly, standing up and starting toward the kitchen.

"Sure. Water's fine." Clark smiled politely and nudged Derek again.

"Oh, water please." Derek didn't even look away from the picture of 7 or 8 year old Julian holding a large fish.

Once Dolce was out of the room, Clark turned to Derek and hissed, "Will you pay attention to the task at hand?"

"Do you see that fish?" Derek asked, laughing. "This is hilarious!"

"Stop it and pay attention, please. This is really important." Clark was pissed, so Derek tore his attention away from the fish-yielding Julian and back to Clark.

"Okay. Okay, fine." He sat up straight just as Dolce came back in carrying two glasses of water.

"Alright," she said as she set the glasses on the coffee table in front of them. They were right next to some tabloid magazines, which struck Derek as a weird thing for a celebrity to have in her house. "What do you need advice about?"

"Well." Derek cleared his throat. "We don't think Julian is very happy."

Dolce snapped her fingers. "I _knew_ something was wrong."

She was the type of woman who would snap her fingers like that when she was right. She was also the type of woman who would drive over an hour in the middle of the night if her son needed her.

So she was alright.

"It's just…with Loe." Clark sighed. "She's…"

"A bitch," Derek finished.

"Well, I was going to put it softer, but-"

"It's what she deserves," Dolce interrupted, tapping her fake fingernails against her leg.

"So you agree," Derek said, satisfied with where this was going.

"Yes, but Julian seems to be…moderately alright in the relationship."

Derek blinked at her. "Moderately alright?"

"He deserves more than that, don't you think?" Clark looked at Dolce like she'd grown another arm.

"Yes, of course he does. Julian deserves someone who will love him as much as he loves them. She just doesn't." Dolce sighed. "It's tragic, but I don't know how terrible it really is. He loves her."

Clark bit his lip, and Derek said, "Julian doesn't really love her though."

Dolce looked like she knew this but didn't want to believe it. "He married her. He must."

"Or he had no other option," Derek said under his breath.

Dolce pretended not to hear. "So what do you want to ask me about?"

"If you think Julian should get a divorce." Clark blurted this out quickly, as though the faster he said it, the faster this whole awkward conversation could be over.

Dolce looked surprised, and then thoughtful, and then sort of upset. "No. Of course I don't think that. He has Jackson and Tabby…"

"That didn't stop you," Derek said quietly.

Again, Dolce pretended not to hear and Derek knew he wouldn't be welcome at her house ever again.

"Well, we were just… If you could do it over again. Would you?" Clark was more tactful in his approach and Derek was glad he was there.

Dolce thought about it for a minute before responding, "That's awfully personal. I think you should advise Julian to come talk to me personally, and I will talk to him about it. Thank you for your concern, but I think you two are overstepping your boundaries. I'll call him tonight."

She added this last part as an afterthought, apparently not trusting Derek and Clark to actually tell Julian to talk to her.

She practically pushed them out of their house, and as they walked back to the car, Derek realized he'd never drunk any of his water.

.

"_Think about Julian, though." Travis was pacing the room and not looking at his wife. "Think about how it'll affect him… His career might be ruined… He'd be traumatized, of course."_

"_His career!" Dolce stood up and grabbed her husband's shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "You are always thinking about his career! Travis… Julian is more than a puppet. He has feelings. We need to think about this long and hard because growing up as a child of divorced parents is _never_ easy."_

_Travis rolled his eyes – he actually _rolled his eyes_. "Julian will be fine. 50% of the marriages in the country end in divorce, he won't be alone. But it might affect the way the media looks at him, because they feel bad for him…" He stroked his beard and looked away from Dolce._

"_Please. Travis. Tell me this. Do you love him?"_

"_Who?" Travis asked absently._

"Julian_, our son!" Dolce's makeup was running. There were tears on her face._

"_He's a strong boy. He'll be fine." He was lost in thought for a moment before adding, "We should also think about _our_ careers…"_

_Dolce let out a sob, but quickly stifled it, looking ashamed. "You care more about work than your only son."_

"_He'll be _fine_. We need to be practical and think about all sides of this situation!"_

"_I cannot be married to someone who doesn't love my son as much as I love him," Dolce said, taking a deep rattling breath. "As much as it pains me… For _Julian's_ sake."_

.

Logan sat on his bed, his cell phone in his hand, looking at it like it was a bomb that would go off any minute.

One of two things could happen.

Julian could call him.

He could call Julian.

It was funny, because Logan knew that Julian wasn't going to call him, yet he still held this small shred of hope that it might happen.

It scared him when his phone started vibrating, and he waited for the name to appear on the screen…

He didn't want to hope that it was Julian but he was hoping.

It was Derek.

"Hello." Logan tried not to sound disappointed but he was.

"You sound depressed." Derek frowned at his reflection in the glass of the car window.

"I am." Logan flopped backward on his bed – well, Derek's guest bed, but it was Logan's now.

"Well…I have good news." Derek watched as car after car passed by his window.

"What." Logan was restless. He sat back up.

"I'm on my way home." Derek watched as Clark narrowly missed being hit by another car.

"That's fantastic." Logan stood up.

"You don't sound enthused." Derek made a face at Clark, who took his eyes off the road far too often.

"I'm not." Logan crossed the room to the desk in the corner.

"What's wrong?" Clark looked over at Derek again, concern coloring his features. Derek just shook his head.

"You're hogging my phone line." Logan laughed bitterly to himself, picking up a pen.

"You're expecting a call?" Derek couldn't help it. It was mean, but he wasn't a nice person.

"From Julian." Logan clicked the pen open and closed, open and closed.

A pause. "Logan… He's not going to call you because he thinks you left him. You know Julian, he doesn't deal with rejection well." Clark kept glancing at him, and Derek motioned frantically toward the road in a 'watch where you're going you idiot' kind of way.

"Neither do I." Logan dropped the pen and spun around, looking for something to do.

"You're the one who did the rejection." Derek was blunt. That was just his nature.

"Shut up." Logan opened the closet but it was empty.

"At least call him and tell him about the divorce?" Derek knew this would be fruitless.

"Maybe." Logan hung up. He put the phone in his pocket and stepped into the closet. He lowered himself slowly to the ground, and closed the door.

It was dark.

It felt familiar, even though it was Derek's closet and he'd never been there before.

Closets were Logan's irony. Logan thought that everyone needed some irony in their lives, so when he'd come out to his dad, he'd hid in the closet in his bedroom afterward, sitting atop piles of clothing and shoeboxes and old toys. It was his throne, and from it he ruled his world.

Someone had to, after all.

.

Julian's cell phone rang during dinner while Loe was teaching Tabby how to cut broccoli. He pulled it out of his pocket discreetly and glanced at the caller ID.

Logan.

"Excuse me," he said, standing up, hitting his knees on the bottom of the table.

"Where are you going?" Loe asked, looking up, still holding the knife poised above Tabby's plate.

"Bathroom." Julian gave her a small little smile and rushed off to the bathroom.


	25. Chapter 25

**CP Coulter owns Dalton!**

**I own this story, and YOUR MINDS.**

**(for a few minutes, anyway)**

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**Chapter 25**

"Hello?" Julian was afraid he sounded slightly short of breath as he said this, but he was freaking out. Logan was calling him? Why? Julian didn't want to get his hopes up but of course they were already up and he just wanted Logan to say something along the lines of 'I left my husband so I could be with you.'

"Hi." Logan knew he probably sounded small and frail, but sitting in the dark in Derek's empty closet made him that way. He was enclosed completely and for once, it wasn't him protecting himself. It was the walls around him that were not of his own creation that protected him.

"Logan." Julian didn't even want to believe it really was Logan, and he kind of _didn't_ believe it. So he said this as confirmation.

"Yeah." Logan wondered why he was calling.

Julian had nothing to say. He knew how conversations went – the other person says something and then you say something and then the other person says something and then you say something and it's a back and forth and it's natural and that's how it's supposed to be. But this wasn't feeling very natural and Julian wasn't the one who called, anyway.

"Um." Logan was stalling. He ran his fingers along the wall next to him. He couldn't see it but he felt that it was there. "So how are you?" Logan hated himself.

Julian looked at himself quizzically in the mirror, but he said, "I'm good, and how are you?"

"I…" Logan thought of all the things he could say: I miss you. I love you. I'm getting a divorce. And instead of just saying 'I'm fine' like he normally would, Logan said, "I'm not really doing so great."

"Because of the divorce?" Julian asked, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Sort of." Logan leaned against the wall. It was hard and cool against the bare skin of his arm.

"Do you need me?" Julian didn't even realize what this actually meant until he'd finished saying it, and after he realized what it meant he didn't take it back.

Logan didn't have to think about it. "Yes."

.

"I have to go," Julian said as he picked up his dinner plate with his half-finished meal on it. "That looks really good," he added to Tabby as she smashed at her broccoli with her fork. "You should try eating it."

"Where are you going?" Loe asked, twisting around in her seat so she could see Julian through the doorway to the kitchen.

Julian dumped his meal in the trash can below the sink and scrubbed off his plate. "My friend needs me," he said, and it was very dramatic sounding and kind of stupid. He stuck the plate into the dishwasher and left the utensils in the sink. "I'll be back later." He kissed his children on the head and waved an awkward good-bye to Loe before disappearing through the door.

.

Derek opened the door and was very surprised to see Julian there.

Julian hardly noticed him, though, just swept past him and up the stairs. He sincerely hoped that Logan was upstairs somewhere, because it would be really embarrassing to come back downstairs and find out he was there all along.

The first place Julian checked was the guest bedroom, and Logan wasn't there, though the bed was unmade.

Julian checked Derek's room and the bathroom and the study but there wasn't anyone in any of those rooms.

It _was_ embarrassing.

Julian was forced to go back downstairs and find Derek still standing bewildered in the front hall.

"Where is he?" Julian asked.

Derek raised his eyebrows. "You're here to see Logan?"

"No. I'm here to see _you_ and that's why I ran past you just now," Julian deadpanned. "Of course I'm here to see Logan you idiot! Where is he?"

Derek smiled. "Oh, you're gonna love this one, Jules."

"He left?" Julian frowned. "He left, didn't he? Where'd he go? I'll _kill_ that man…"

"No, he's here. He's in the closet."

Julian squinted at him. "Logan is…where?"

"In the _closet_." Derek looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Oh and by the way, I went to your mom's house."

"Why would he be in the-" Julian realized what Derek had just said. "You went. To my mom's house."

"Yep."

"You and Clark?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"To talk to her."

"Why?"

"Because we needed her to help us talk some sense into you."

Clark appeared at this point, holding a drink from McDonald's. "We stopped to get some lunch, you hungry?"

Julian just blinked at them, horrified at the thought of Derek and Clark talking to his mom. "I can't _believe_ you talked to my _mom_…"

"We got you some stuff. We also got Logan some stuff, if you see him tell him to come get it." Clark took a long sip of his drink.

"What did you _say_ to her?" A terrible thought occurred to Julian. "You didn't tell her about _Logan_, did you?"

"No, of course not!" Derek rolled his eyes. "We talked to her about divorce."

Julian sighed. "Where is the food?" he asked, not wanting to talk about his mom and divorce.

"In the kitchen. Take Logan something." Clark motioned behind him with his drink, as if Julian didn't know where Derek's kitchen was.

"Will-do." Julian walked past the two of them and into the kitchen, where there were four bags of fast food sitting on the counter.

"She wants to talk to you," Derek said.

"Great." Julian picked up two bags, looking inside them quickly to make sure they were what he wanted and what Logan would want.

"She'll call you tonight," Clark added.

"Even better." Julian pushed past them. "So where _is_ Logan?"

"Guest bedroom."

"No, he isn't, I was just in there."

"He's in the closet, I told you that."

Julian blinked at him, shook his head, and went upstairs.

.

Julian rapped his knuckles against the closet door, feeling stupid because there was no way Logan was sitting in the closet. That was just ridiculous.

Then the closet door opened and Logan was sitting in the closet.

"Why are you sitting in the closet?" Julian blurted out.

Logan smiled a tiny bit. "Is that food?" he asked, looking at the bags in Julian's hand.

"Yeah, come out and you can have some." Julian felt like he was talking to a cat or something.

"Come _in_ and I'll eat some," Logan countered.

And even though they were both fully grown men, somehow Julian managed to step into the closet and sit with his knees up against his chest and his back pressed to the wall. Logan was sitting across from him.

Julian handed one of the bags wordlessly to Logan, who took it and looked inside.

"I love French fries," he said, smiling a little bit more and reaching in for one. He ate it and sighed. It was a mix between a happy sigh and a sad sigh.

They stared at each other for a little while, and then Logan got tired of looking and wanted to just talk without worrying about what his face was doing. So he reached out and slid the door closed.

The closet was thrown into darkness.

"This is like that restaurant where you can eat in the pitch black," Julian commented.

"I screwed everything up, I'm sorry."

"I helped screw everything up, I should get some credit."

"Is it a contest?"

"We're both winning."

"Congratulations."

"Congratulations to yourself."

"So how are things with Loe?"

"Usual."

"Usual good or usual bad?"

"Just usual."

"You deserve more than just usual." If it wasn't dark Logan wouldn't have said that.

There was silence. Julian didn't say anything. Logan reached forward, feeling with his hand until he hit Julian's knee. He moved his hand to the left and found the bag in Julian's hands. He pried Julian's fingers away from it, opened it, reached in, took out a French fry, and ate it. He handed the bag back to Julian.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Julian asked quietly.

"Anything."

"I don't think I do deserve more than just usual."

Logan wanted to hug him. He wanted to put his arms around Julian and never let go but he couldn't do that. So he moved his foot until his toes were touching Julian's shoe. That was all he could do and it didn't feel like enough because it wasn't enough.

"Of course you do," Logan whispered. "Everyone does, but you especially."

Julian opened his bag and it made a loud crinkling sound. Had it been that loud when Logan opened it? He reached in and his fingertips brushed the bag of French fries. He kept going until he found a burger. He pulled it out, unwrapped it, and took a big bite.

"I think we should be friends," Logan said.

"Aren't we?" Julian asked around a mouth of beef and lettuce and tomato and onion and bun and 'special sauce.' It sounded like 'awwee?'

"I'm not sure." Logan sighed again and this time it was definitely a sad sigh.

"Well…" Julian swallowed and it was loud in the dark. "I think we should be."

"Friends." Logan said this without any feeling whatsoever so Julian couldn't figure out exactly what the word meant.

"Yeah. Friends." He said it without any feeling either.

"It won't be awkward," Logan said in a voice that made it final.

"Why would it be?" Julian asked.

There was a silence, and then Logan started to laugh. That made Julian laugh, and they laughed for a long, long time.


	26. Chapter 26

**CP Coulter owns Dalton!**

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**I love reading your reviews, they are absolutely fantastic! Thank you all so much!**

**Chapter 26**

"Hey, mom."

When Julian's mom called, he was still sitting in the pitch black closet with Logan.

"Hello, Julian. Is this a good time?"

"Sure." Julian wanted to say no, it wasn't a good time, but he knew that she'd want to know why and he couldn't tell her. Well, _maybe_ he could, and she'd probably just shake her head and assume he was high or something. But sitting in a closet with Logan for two hours seemed like too precious a thing and he couldn't break it by taking it out into the real world.

Julian felt Logan's hand on his leg as his mom started to make small talk. This was how it had been the whole time, the whole two hours that they'd sat here talking and catching up because they were friends now and that's what friends do. But there were touches, too, small and hesitant, testing their friendship. As if to prove that they really _were _just friends because they could touch each other and it wouldn't mean anything. So occasionally Julian's hand would land on Logan's and they wouldn't let go for awhile. Or maybe Logan's leg would bump into Julian's and stay there.

It wasn't true, by the way. The idea that they could touch each other and it wouldn't mean anything.

"So what's your next movie deal?" Dolce was asking.

"Not entirely sure. It's either that one with Orlando Bloom in it or it's that independent one I was telling you about." Julian's skin was burning where Logan's hand was on it but he'd never tell anyone that.

"So Julian, I had a visit from two of your friends earlier today…"

"Yeah, that was Clark and Derek, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Don't interrupt me."

"Sorry."

"And they said a few disturbing things for a mother to hear, so I needed to make sure you were alright."

Julian sighed and reached out to put his hand on Logan's hand on Julian's leg. "I'm fine. They're thinking into things too much."

"Julian… You're a good actor, but you can't hide things from your own mother."

"I said I'm fine, mom." Julian rolled his eyes at Logan, but of course Logan couldn't see.

"They seemed to think it would be good for me to talk to you about…"

Julian squeezed his eyes shut, waiting.

"Divorce."

"I don't know why," Julian said. "I love Loe."

Logan slipped his hand out from under Julian's and away from Julian's leg.

Julian slumped against the wall, shoulders hunched in defeat.

"You sound like your father sounded," Dolce said sadly, "when he told me he loved me right before we split."

Julian pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "I'm not Dad, Mom. I'm capable of holding up a marriage and a family, okay?"

She wasn't convinced. Maybe she never had been. "Will you come visit me sometime soon?"

"I don't see why I need to-"

"You're my son, Julian. I just want to catch up with you. We don't have to talk about divorce or anything."

"Fine. Tomorrow, I guess." Julian reached out in the darkness because he needed Logan's forgiveness. "Can I bring a friend with me?"

"That would be fine," Dolce said. "I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow around lunchtime, we'll go out, alright?"

"Fine."

"I love you."

"Love you too." Julian hung up.

"That was interesting," Logan said, just as Julian's hand bumped into his shin. "We should leave."

"Where should we go?" Julian felt stupid now, because Logan didn't seem to want to be touching Julian at this point. Maybe it was for the best… They were both technically married… But they weren't doing anything. It was all friendly and innocent. Even if it didn't necessarily feel that way.

But Julian _had_ to say it! He _had _to tell his mom that he loved his wife, it wasn't an option!

"Why did you lie to your mom?" Logan asked, not answering Julian's question and not making any move to get up.

"I didn't."

"Of course you did, do I look like an idiot?"

"Well I can't see you right now."

"Shut up and answer the question."

Julian didn't answer the question. "Would you like to meet my mom tomorrow around lunchtime?"

"I have nothing better to do," Logan said, sounding like he really didn't want to meet Julian's mom.

.

"What were you guys doing up there?" Clark asked, hitting pause on the TV remote. "We just watched like 5 episodes of Friends."

"Do you believe he's _never seen Friends before_?" Derek asked incredulously.

"You've never seen-" Julian looked at Clark in bewilderment. "How have you spent this much time in Hollywood without ever seeing Friends?"

"That's a crime," Logan added, tossing his empty McDonald's bag to Derek. "Throw this out, would you?"

"Did it take you all that time to eat your lunch? Because it's almost dinnertime now."

"We finished forever ago," Julian replied calmly, throwing his own bag at Derek. "Now you have to throw it away. Thanks for getting it for us."

Derek rolled his eyes and stood up. "This isn't over," he said to Clark, before walking out of the room to throw out Julian and Logan's trash.

"Did your mom call?" Clark asked, looking up at Julian.

Julian flopped down in the place Derek had just vacated on the couch, and Logan flopped down next to him. They were very, very close. Their legs were touching all the way from their hips to their ankles.

"Yeah." Julian sighed. "Thanks a lot for that. Now we're having _lunch_ tomorrow." He rolled his eyes.

"That's good," Clark said, not at all sorry. "Maybe she can convince you that-"

"We aren't even going to talk about divorce, it's actually a taboo subject, we agreed." Julian looked at him smugly, folding his arms across his chest and trying not to notice when Logan shifted his leg slightly.

"Juli_an_," Clark whined, "you are such an idiot sometimes! If Logan can get a divorce you can too!"

"That's different," Julian said quietly.

"How?" Logan demanded, his leg bouncing against Julian's in annoyance. It seemed that they couldn't spend more than five minutes without physical contact now.

Great, that was just great.

"You don't have kids," Julian said sadly, looking at the place where their legs were touching and loving and hating that place.

Clark bit his lip. "That's what I thought you'd be able to talk to your mom about. About divorcing even though she had you."

"Well, _clearly_," Julian said, feeling like Logan with his blood beginning to pump quickly and a rushing sound in his ears, "she _did_ get a divorce and I don't think it's up to _her_ how it'll affect Tab and Jack! That's up to them and I happen to know exactly how they'll feel and I don't want them to feel that way, okay? I'm sorry. But I don't." He rolled his eyes. "Call me crazy, but I want my kids to grow up in a loving and happy and normal environment with one nice family and two parents who sleep _under the same roof every night_. Because I never got that. Clearly none of you understand, so just stop."

Julian wasn't looking at anyone, he was looking at his hands in his lap, but he saw Logan's hand touch his arm gently. He didn't feel it until after he saw it.

"I actually do, Jules. I never asked you to get a divorce. Maybe you forgot…but my parents are divorced too." Logan's voice was soft but raw, like an open wound.

A wave of guilt slammed into Julian's heart. He turned to Logan while Clark pretended not to be there. "I…I'm sorry, Lo. I didn't even mean it like that."

Logan gave him a half-smile. "It's okay, Jules."

Julian wanted to hit himself repeatedly in the head with a Louiseville Slugger. "No it's not. Aw, Lo, I feel…" He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

And then Logan did something very surprising.

He wrapped an arm around Julian and pulled him upward, and then hugged him. Julian turned and hugged back and their faces were pressed up against each other and it felt so good and Julian whispered in Logan's ear, "I'm sorry."

Then Logan whispered something back, but Julian didn't think he heard it right.

"What?" he asked, a little too loud.

"I love you," Logan repeated.


	27. Chapter 27

**Sorry for the little delay in getting this chapter out. There were some unexpected things that popped up this weekend that I had to do. But I'm here now and chapter 27 is here now and I hope you like it!**

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**CP Coulter owns Dalton, as always.**

**Chapter 27**

"I love you," Logan repeated.

Julian pulled away from the hug with lightning speed. He blinked at Logan, who just stared contentedly at Julian, not regretting it or taking it back. Julian didn't know what to say. He had absolutely no idea.

He _could _say 'I love you too' because that was the truth. And he would have said it in a heartbeat 9 years ago if Logan had said it first. (That was Julian's fantasy, so shut up with your reality if you don't think that's what he would've responded with because he would have. He might have.)

But something held him back now, and that something was Loe and his loyalty and his integrity and Tabby and Jackson.

"I." He said this because he had to say something.

He felt Clark moving behind him. He'd forgotten Clark was even there.

Julian just looked at Logan, struck dumb.

Logan loved him?

"You don't have to say it back," Logan said, and in that moment, and in all the moments before and all the moments to follow, Julian loved him so much. "I understand. I just had to tell you."

Julian couldn't think. His brain wouldn't work.

Had Logan actually just said 'I love you?'

"Wait," Julian said quietly, holding up a hand, his fingers dangling in the air. "Do you mean like a friend or…"

"More," Logan said loudly, definitively.

"Ahh." Julian nodded. "Well." He bit his lip, ran his hands through his hair, and then said, "That changes things."

"A little," Logan allowed.

"A little? Try a lot."

"A lot." Logan nodded. He was in an agreeable mood.

Julian blinked at him and noticed that Clark was gone. When had he left?

"Well… I think they're in the middle of Friends, and if I'm not mistaken…" Logan looked at the TV screen. "This is my favorite episode!" He turned and stared at the screen, as if by looking at it, it would just play automatically.

"Clark!" Julian yelled, hoping his voice wouldn't betray his inward freaking out. "Derek!"

"Yeah?"

"Can we finish this episode, please?"

.

"Julian, darling!" Dolce Larson wrapped her arms around her son, who hugged her back, slightly less enthusiastic than she was. "How good to see you! You look great!" She held him at arm's length, inspecting. Julian put on his movie star smile, and she waved her hand. "No, no, none of that red carpet stuff, Julian. You know that."

Julian rolled his eyes and looked at Logan. "She hates my smile."

"I don't hate your _real_ smile. I hate that fake smile that you put on for the cameras," Dolce returned. "Oh, excuse me." She turned to Logan, sticking out a hand. "Hi, I'm Dolce Larson."

"I know," Logan said, smirking. "I'm Logan Wright."

Dolce's eyes got wide. "Logan _Wright_? Aren't you that boy that Julian was friends with in high school, and you were – are – a…Senator's son?"

"You have a good memory," Logan said in response.

"I'm an actress. It's my job." She moved aside, motioning for them to go in, but Julian already had a plan.

"Actually," he said loudly, "I thought we were going to lunch."

"We are, but I have to get my purse. Please, come in."

Logan started in but Julian grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. "Let's wait out here," he said, his voice slightly strained.

Logan narrowed his eyes at Julian, and pulled his shoulder away from Julian's hand (Julian was sorry to let it go) and walked defiantly into the house.

And of course he saw why Julian didn't want him to go inside.

Right in the center of the wall across from the door was a picture of baby Julian, in a cute little blue hat and a diaper.

"You. Are. Adorable!" Logan exclaimed, turning back to Julian, who was beet red, still standing on the front stoop.

"Let me grab my purse," Dolce said, nodding to Julian, who glared at her. She rushed past Logan and disappeared into the house.

"Please. Logan. Don't say anything…" Julian touched Logan's arm.

Logan pulled away. "I understand. It's fine. I'd never dream of outing you or anyone… But especially you."

Logan had been saying these kinds of things all night and all morning and Julian was torn between wanting him to stop and wanting him to keep saying them, over and over again and never stop. They made Julian feel like he mattered, like he was someone really important to Logan. That was what he'd wanted all this time, all these long twelve years.

Now that he had it, it was horribly bittersweet.

"Where do you two want to go to eat?" Dolce asked, striding out of a back room with a bright red purse under her arm.

Logan was walking slowly around the small front room, looking at baby Julian.

"You had a really, really cute son, Ms. Larson," Logan commented, picking up a picture of Julian in a baby swing and smiling. He turned to look at Julian's mom. "I wonder what happened."

She laughed, and Julian grabbed Logan's arm. "Come on, we're out of here."

Logan allowed himself to be pulled along, shrugging at Julian's mom, who just laughed more.

.

"This is nice." Dolce folded her menu up and put it down on the table. "Do you know what you're going to order?"

It was ridiculous, this small talk, and usually Julian would hate it, but just now, he couldn't love his mother more for it because it meant they _weren't_ talking about divorce.

"I'm thinking of either…" Logan turned his menu to Julian and pointed to two different options. "This one or this one and I can't decide."

Julian pursed his lips, thinking, tilting his head. "You hate eggs, though," he said, in response to the scrambled eggs with a side of bacon.

They were at IHOP, which was funny because Dolce Larson had never been the IHOP type.

But her son was.

"Not anymore." Logan concentrated on the two types of food. "That was in high school, but in college it was the only good hot breakfast my dorm served that I wasn't allergic to. So I got used to eggs."

Julian nodded. "So get that."

"But I really like these pancakes, and you get a side of hash browns and I _love _hash browns."

"Then…" Julian looked down at his own menu. "Well, I _was_ going to get an omelet or something. But I can get the eggs and you can get the pancakes and we can split them both." He looked up at Logan. "Does that sound okay?"

Logan looked uncertain. "Well…you wanted the omelet, though."

"Yeah, but I've had tons of omelets before and I like pancakes and eggs too so I just thought that way you could have everything you wanted."

Logan laughed bitterly. "There's no way I could get everything I wanted."

Julian coughed. "Well you can get the _two_ things you want, this one time."

Dolce was watching them closely, and, unbeknownst to the pair, a knowing smile was spreading across her lips.

Mothers notice everything.

"So Logan, what do you do?" she asked, and Logan and Julian's heads snapped up in unison, having forgotten she was even there.

"Oh, I, uh, I don't do anything." A small blush painted Logan's cheeks, and Julian watched him in surprise. Logan rarely looked flustered or – gasp – _embarrassed_.

"Where did you go to school?" Dolce asked.

"Yale."

Dolce's eyebrows shot up. "Yale. That is a very nice school… Yet you don't do anything?"

"Well, I _had_ a job when I lived in New York, but then my…" Logan glanced sidelong at Julian, who gave permission to talk about Noah by nodding his head, almost imperceptibly. "My husband got a job writing for a TV show in Hollywood, so we moved here and I never got around to finding a job. We've only been here a little while," he added hastily.

"Ah." Dolce's smile had shrunk a little at the mention of Logan's husband. So he wasn't available. Well… No matter, neither was Julian. "What's the show he's working on?"

Logan waved a hand. "I don't really know. But we're getting a divorce, anyway, so it doesn't matter."

The waitress arrived then, sparing any awkward conversation that would stem from this newest development. She flirted hopelessly with both Julian and Logan, both of whom tried to let Dolce do as much of the talking to and looking at and paying attention to the waitress as possible.

Once the waitress had left, Dolce turned back to them and said, "So Logan, tell me about yourself. Other than the Yale thing."

Logan blushed even harder, because this _was_ him meeting Julian's mom for the first time since he'd realized he loved Julian. It didn't matter that she was a celebrity – Julian was a celebrity and Logan forgot about it most of the time. It was like one of those 'meeting the parents' things that was customary after a few weeks of dating, which was a big deal.

Only it was a lot different because Logan and Julian were not dating.

As much as Logan wished they were.

"Well…" Logan scratched his head, thinking. What could he tell her about himself? Logan tried to think of himself as little as possible, because he bothered himself. And for the past five years he'd done nothing important or interesting because Noah had made sure of that with the medication. "I'm honestly a really boring pers-"

"Logan is really, really smart," Julian cut in. "And he's-"

"I think she asked _me_," Logan said, because he didn't do well with praise. Not anymore. "Thank you very much."

"He's also an asshole," Julian whispered conspiratorially to his mother, who laughed.

"I really don't have anything interesting to say about myself," Logan said loudly, elbowing Julian in the ribs, forgetting about his new no-contact policy. The policy that would make it easier, hopefully, for both of them.

"That's why I was going to say something _for_ you," Julian said, rolling his eyes.

Logan sighed. "Okay, Mr. Helpful. What would you like to say about me?"

"Logan is like, the best singer you'll ever hear in your life. Seriously talented. He plays a million and ten instruments-"

Logan scoffed. "Come on, Jules, don't _lie_ about me to make me sound more interesting."

"It's true. He was the lead singer of the Warblers at Dalton for a really long time."

"Until I made a royal mess of everything," Logan said under his breath.

"Lo. Honestly, you are _such_ a downer, come on." Julian rolled his eyes for the second time in the conversation. "He's also apparently very humble all of a sudden, which he wasn't _at all_ in high school. Pompous jerk back then."

Now it was Logan's turn to roll his eyes. "If you're going to talk me up to someone, please at least do it right?"

Julian elbowed him in the ribs, and it occurred to him, distantly, that they'd done this elbowing thing too many times and they should stop if they didn't want to be obvious.

.

"Do you think she knows yet?" Clark asked, playing with his car keys, clamping the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sure." Derek waved at his teammates, acknowledging them, before turning away to show them that he was busy and would come into practice when he was finished.

"They are pretty obvious," Clark mused.

"Yeah. And she's not blind and deaf." Derek leaned against the car door. "I think it's only a matter of time, Clark. I think we did good."

"I'll go buy my tux." Clark opened the driver's side door and slid into the car. He had only a few minutes until he had to be at an audition.

"What for?"

"Their wedding."

"My best man speech is going to rock."

"Mine'll be better."

"Not a chance."

They hung up, and as Clark drove off, he thought about Julian and how he'd seen him smile so much more often in the past few days than he'd seen in the past nine years combined.

That was why he was trying to get Logan and Julian together. Because he loved it when Julian was happy. They were best friends, after all. And by definition, best friends want what's best for their friends.


	28. Chapter 28

**Let me just say before we start…**

**THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER!**

**DON'T THINK THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER!**

**There are still…three more. Or so. That's just an estimate but… Yeah.**

**Thank you for your reviews and your messages and all that stuff that you give me that is just amazing and makes me feel AMAZING. **

**Thank you to the lovely CP Coulter for writing Dalton.**

**You can always find me on tumblr: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

**Enjoy this chapter…**

**(Also. There's a certain part in here where I'm talking about an optical illusion. This is it: ****http:/www**** . moillusions . )**

**Chapter 28**

Julian sat on the bed in his mother's bedroom, fingering the fabric of the comforter. It was so familiar.

.

"_Julian! Get off our bed and come here!"_

"_But it's fu-u-u-u-un!" Julian shouted in excitement, jumping up and down, laughing at the way it made his words sound._

"_You have a photoshoot in ten minutes, Julian. Come here right now."_

"_I don't wanna go!" Julian shot up and down, imagining he was an astronaut on a mission to the moon. "That's one big step for me and one giant jump for mankind!" he shouted, making his voice all low and trying to remember what his dad had told him the first man on the moon said._

"_It's 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,'" his mother said calmly, appearing in the doorway, dressed in a shiny gold dress. "We need to go. Come on, now. Get off the bed and put your shoes on."_

.

It was white, and big and fluffy, the kind that you just want to snuggle up in and never leave. Julian ran his hands across it, feeling out of place in this room and this house. He was too big for it.

"Julian." His mother was watching him.

"Close the door, please," Julian responded, not looking up.

Dolce obliged, closing the door with a soft click.

Julian still didn't look up.

"Don't think you can hide these things from me, honey," Dolce said, coming to sit next to Julian on the bed.

"Hide what?" Julian was a kid again, he thought he could hide in his own version of reality in which his mom was an idiot and he didn't love Logan and Logan didn't love him and everything wasn't so terrible and complicated.

Dolce didn't respond for awhile and Julian got his hopes up that maybe she wouldn't say anything.

But then she licked her lips and said, "Julian… Do you remember a few years ago when you wanted to be in that movie with Anne Hathaway?"

Julian wondered what this had to do with anything, but nodded anyway.

"And you didn't get cast because you didn't have enough chemistry with her?"

Julian nodded again, remembering how he'd gone and told everyone and pretended to be legitimately upset about it because he _was_ pretending to have a huge celebrity crush on her so he may as well go all the way with it.

"You know what chemistry is, right?"

Julian nodded a third time. He didn't really want to say anything out loud because that might make this conversation real. He knew exactly where his mother was going with this.

"Well…" Dolce paused.

Julian closed his eyes. He could tell they were getting to the important part.

"If you and Loe walked into an audition and did a scene together, I would not cast you both for that movie. But if you and _Logan_ walked into the audition and did the same scene, you _would_ get cast – well…if one of you was a girl, because let's face it, it's-"

"Get to the point, Mom," Julian said gruffly.

"The point is," Dolce said, in an 'I'll take my sweet time if you don't mind thank you very much' voice, "if I had to pick someone for you to marry, I'd pick Logan."

"It's too late, Mom," Julian said. "I already married the wrong one."

"It isn't too late," Dolce insisted.

"It _is_." Julian looked at her, fire in his eyes. He was becoming more and more like Logan by the minute and this was a scary and thrilling thing. "I _already married Loe_."

"Julian…" Dolce looked at him with the type of expression you'd fix on a five year old who's throwing a temper tantrum. "You don't understand why your father and I got a divorce, do you?"

"Because you weren't mature enough to work out your problems," Julian said angrily.

His mother shook her head and put an arm around his shoulders. "No. Because we realized that we weren't a perfect match for each other, and that no matter how hard we tried, our problems would _never_ get resolved. We tried. Believe me, we tried very hard. Just like you've tried with Loe. You may not have gone to couple's counseling or anything but you have tried to get along with her and smooth out your problems. It just doesn't work. Some people aren't meant to be together. You were never in love with Loe, and that's a telling sign that you never will be."

Julian didn't interrupt to say that yes he was in love with Loe because he knew that was bull and she wouldn't believe him.

"You can continue to raise Tabby and Jackson in an environment that isn't entirely healthy for them – where you and Loe bicker and try to act like you're getting along and never really are happy – or you can raise them in an environment where they're happy when they live with their mom, who will surely find another very nice man who loves her and who she loves, and they're happy when they live with their dad, who is happy and in love with their step-dad." She raised her eyebrows. "How does that sound?"

Julian didn't say anything. He was staring at the ground.

It was like looking at an optical illusion. This whole time he'd been seeing one thing, thinking it was that one thing, and he had no idea that there was anything else there because it never occurred to him that there might be. Then all of a sudden someone told him that there was something else in the picture if he just looked hard enough, and now he was frantically searching for the beautiful rich young girl where he'd only seen an old hag before.

.

"Hey, Tabby. Wow!" Logan kneeled on the ground. "I love that bow. Where did you get it?" He touched the pink bow in Tabby's hair.

Tabby giggled and shrugged.

"You'll have to ask your mommy to get me one too!"

Tabby giggled some more.

"Or maybe I could just…" He carefully unclipped it from her hair – it was a clip-on bow – and placed it in his own hair. "Do I look good?"

"No!" Tabby squealed with delight. She reached up and pulled it from Logan's hair. Logan winced in pain as she pulled about ten pieces of hair out of his head, but he smiled through it. "It's for _girls_. I can't play dress up with _you_. You're a boy."

"Oh. For girls, is it? Well, I'll just go play with Jackson then…" Logan stood up and turned slowly, looking at Julian in the doorway. "Oh, hello, Julian. I think _you_ should put on the bow."

"It's for _girls_, Logan. I'm not a girl, maybe you hadn't noticed?" Julian was smirking.

Logan's face got all serious. "I had noticed."

Julian's smirk was wiped off his face. On the car ride home from his mother's, during which Logan fiddled with the radio dial and ranted on and on about radio stations and how there weren't any good ones anymore and if _he_ had his own radio station then…, Julian had thought about what his mom had said.

Was it true? That Tabby and Jackson would be happier if he divorced Loe?

What if he regretted it later?

What if it wasn't good enough? What if they hated his house and loved Loe's? What if they were miserable and didn't want to do a split custody thing?

"Wait Logy!" Tabby exclaimed, snapping Julian out of his reverie.

Logy.

Logan turned.

"Come back and play with me!"

"I thought you didn't like me," Logan said with a pout.

"I do! I do!" Tabby looked up at Julian. "Can Logy stay?"

Julian smiled faintly. "Yeah. I think Logy can stay."

Logan turned around with hope in his eyes, and Julian smiled at him.

"Later," he mouthed.

.

"Since when were you good with kids?" Julian asked, standing on the sidewalk in front of his house.

Logan shrugged. "I'm not really."

"Are you kidding me? You played dress-up with Tabby for like an hour, and then you built a whole freaking racetrack with Jack!"

"Yeah but… They're _your_ kids. They're different." Logan wasn't looking at Julian.

"Well…" Julian said this loudly, to clear the awkward air between them.

It didn't work.

"I uh…" Julian coughed. "Thanks."

"For?"

Julian just smiled and didn't respond.

"Julian… You have to tell me. Are you going to stay with Loe?" Logan was looking like he wanted to hope against all hope that the answer would be no, but he truly believed in his heart that the answer was yes.

And Julian had every intention of saying yes, right up until his mouth opened and his tongue hit the roof of his mouth to make an 'n' sound instead of just rolling back and making a 'y' sound. That was when he realized that he was going to say no, and he was glad.

"No." As he said the one-syllable word, it was one of those moments where you see the young, beautiful, rich lady and you can't even tell where the hag was anymore.


	29. Chapter 29

**THIS ISN'T THE LAST CHAPTER, EITHER!**

**There are still about… 5,000 words left. Or so.**

**The next few chapters will just be like an extended Epilogue-type thing and a tie-up-loose-ends-type thing and all that good stuff.**

**CP Coulter owns Dalton.**

**These final chapters are your last chances for reviewing! You don't want this story to end and you to spend the rest of your life wishing you'd reviewed, do you?**

**DO YOU?**

**Didn't think so.**

**So after you've reviewed, you can find me on tumblr: flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

**Chapter 29**

Julian's and Logan's fingers intertwined perfectly. They fit together just right, and if this wasn't proof enough that they were meant for each other, then Julian didn't know _what_ was. They were standing in Julian's kitchen, waiting for Loe to get home.

They would let go when Loe arrived, they'd promised each other. They didn't want to rub it in, shove it in her face.

Loe arrived too early, and when they heard the door opening, they reluctantly let go. Their fingertips were the last to part, and they were like ridiculous characters in countless romantic movies.

Julian hated it but he loved it so much more than he hated it.

Loe seemed to know, the second she stepped into the kitchen, exactly what Julian was going to say to her. But she took her sweet time, trying to delay the inevitable, which was something Julian didn't like about her.

She put her purse on the kitchen table, unzipping the front pocket and putting her keys carefully into it. She re-zipped it.

Julian and Logan looked at each other with identical, long-suffering looks.

"So, Julian." Loe turned to Julian. "Shouldn't we be talking in private?"

"We're actually not talking right now," Julian said, just to be difficult.

Loe sighed. "Well, I think we _should_ talk, and we should do it in private."

"But it concerns Logan. I want him to be here."

Loe sighed again, a long-suffering sigh. Julian wanted to roll his eyes but there was no need to be rude.

"You're in love with Logan," Loe said shortly, standing in front of the two of them.

Julian felt like he was a soldier in the ranks or something. Only it was a two-man army against one woman. Not exactly World War III.

"Yes." Julian felt his heart flutter when he said this, with love and with freedom. It was weird for him to be able to actually say this – to be able to open his mouth and just say that yes, he loved Logan Wright. Especially in front of Logan.

"Well… You'll have to come out to the press, of course." Loe was searching for a way to distance this from herself.

"And _of course_," Julian said, mocking her, and then he remembered he'd promised himself he would make this easy and painless, "you and I will have to get a divorce."

Loe nodded. "I don't want to get a divorce, Julian. Please realize that."

"And why not?"

"Because of Tabby and Jackson. And the press."

"Not because you love me?"

"No."

"The way I see it… Tab and Jack will be happier under two roofs than under one unhappy roof. And the press will just have to suck it."

Loe nodded again.

This was going fairly well. Julian had sort of been expecting screams and physical contact of some sort that wasn't necessarily friendly.

"I thought we'd be happy together," Loe said. "I really did."

"Me too."

.

"_Loe…Will you marry me?" Julian pulled the ring box from his suit and knelt on the floor, smiling for the cameras and not necessarily because he was proposing to his girlfriend._

_Loe looked surprised and then she smiled, too, and Julian could tell it was the type of smile that was also for the cameras and the cameras only. "Yes."_

_._

"_Julian…"_

_Julian looked up from the script he was reading over. He took off his glasses to get a better look at his wife of two months. "Yes?"_

"_I'm pregnant." She held up a pregnancy stick._

_Julian jumped up, dropping the script and forgetting about it. "You're kidding me."_

"_No." Loe gestured with the stick._

"_You mean…" Julian felt like he might faint._

"_We're going to be parents."_

_This was the one of the happiest moments of their married life._

_._

"_She's beautiful…" Julian held his baby girl – his _daughter_ – in his arms. She was so small. She had Loe's blonde hair, just a little bit of it, fuzz all over her head._

"_She's ours," Loe said from the hospital bed, tears on her face._

_Julian touched his daughter's nose and her cheek and tried not to cry. He was _not_ one of those dads who cried when their daughter was born. Not at all._

_But there was a single tear running down his face and he honestly thought, at that moment, that maybe everything would be fine._

_._

"_Jackson." Julian nodded. "I like that name."_

"_No way!" Loe shook her head vehemently. "Not a chance."_

"_Why not?"_

_They were sitting inside a fort of baby name books. They'd already looked through three, and couldn't decide on any good names for their son._

"_It's too country."_

"_You named Tabby."_

"_So? Tabitha is a perfectly respectable name!"_

"_As is Jackson."_

"_I am not naming our son Jackson!"_

"_Let's flip a coin."_

"_No, I will not flip a coin for-"_

"_Call it."_

"_Heads."_

"_It's tails! I win! Jackson."_

_._

"_We need a bigger house." Loe had her arms crossed, looking at the prospective house._

"_We already have a house. Why does our beach house have to be big?" Julian was holding Jackson in his arms and looking happily at the house. "I like this one."_

"_What if we have more children?" Loe asked._

_Julian turned to glare at her. "We are _not_ having more children."_

"_I think we should look at that other house."_

"_That other house was _way_ out of our budget. I will not let you destroy all our savings on one _beach_ house! This one is perfectly fine."_

"_It's too small, and that's final."_

"_Let's flip a coin."_

"_We can't flip coins for all our decisions."_

"_And clearly we can't talk it out, either. Call it."_

"_Heads."_

"_Heads. Dammit."_

_._

"That's that." Julian scratched his head. "I feel like there should be something more climactic than this, but…"

"Just leave, please." Loe looked like she might cry.

"I like you, Loe," Julian said. "We should have been friends."

"Please leave."

Julian touched the small of Logan's back, pushing gently. Logan turned and started down the hallway, Julian right behind him.

"Good-bye," Julian said over his shoulder.

"Good-bye," Loe repeated, turning so he couldn't see her start to cry. Not because she loved Julian. But because no one likes to be alone.

.

On the sidewalk, Logan turned to Julian. "You're so brave," he said.

Julian scoffed. "Not really."

"I just yelled at Noah until he let me leave," Logan said reasonably.

"You and Noah were…more dysfunctional than Loe and I ever were. If that's even possible." Julian smirked.

"It's over now," Logan said, in a final tone that Julian sort of liked. "We can just…start again."

"I do like that," Julian said, and he pointed his face upward and Logan pointed his face downward and they kissed.

They were interrupted, however, by Logan's cell phone. He pulled away and took it out of his pocket.

Noah.

"How full circle," Julian said, in an 'I'm joking but if you laugh I'll kill you' kind of way.

Logan did not laugh.

He slid up the screen on his phone and put it up to his ear. "Hello?" he asked warily.

"Are you with Julian?" Noah asked.

"Yes."

"Tell him I said congratulations."

"On what?"

"On getting the beautiful gem that is _you_." Noah was sarcastic and very obviously drunk.

"You're drunk. I'm hanging up now." Logan made to hang up but Julian stopped him by taking the phone out of his hand.

"Hello, Noah," Julian said peacefully into the phone.

"Julian."

"So, this gem of Logan… Do you want to talk about it?"

"He's an asshole and you'll be lucky if you can stand him for more than three months. I couldn't."

Julian pursed his lips. "Ah. I see. But that's where you and I differ, isn't it? I've been able to stand him, and do much more than just 'stand him,' for years. Every day, in my mind, I've cheated on my wife with Logan. I've kissed him goodnight every night before going to sleep. I've said hello to him every morning when I woke up. I've talked to him all day, in my mind. Call me crazy if you want. That's fine. I have what you couldn't handle having."

Logan was staring at him with his jaw on the ground.

"Close your mouth," Julian whispered. "That's unattractive."

Logan didn't close his mouth.

"You…" Noah didn't have anything to say, so he hung up.

Julian smiled triumphantly and handed Logan his phone back.

"Is that…true?" Logan asked.

Julian nodded.

"That's really depressing, Jules," Logan said. "If I'd known, I would've left that douchebag ages ago…" He leaned in for another kiss.

Just before their lips met, Julian said, "I love you too much."

They kissed.


	30. Chapter 30

**THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER.**

**Well, it is, but there is an EPILOGUE AFTER THIS.**

**SO CALM YOURSELVES.**

**The lovely CP Coulter owns Dalton!**

**You can always find me on tumblr (and I mean ALWAYS): flightofdeathfrench . tumblr .com**

**Quick note: I realize that divorces take AWHILE to push through the system and finalize and everything, and I don't quite understand the whole process. So rather than try and fail to figure it all out and write about it, we're just going to assume that Julian and Logan are both going through the divorce process while the first few events of this chapter play out. M'kay?**

**Chapter 30**

"I'm glad you decided to listen to your old mom," Dolce was saying, looking at the hamburger Julian had grilled instead of eating it.

"You should try eating it," Julian suggested. "It works better."

Logan was sitting next to Dolce on the back porch of Julian's beach house. He had taken one bite of his hamburger and was now eating his salad. He had plans to 'accidentally drop' the hamburger on the ground.

Julian sat across from them because he'd been operating the grill and they'd just sat down next to each other. As much as he wanted to sit next to Logan so they could hold hands under the table and rest their legs against each other, he couldn't now.

"I'm serious, Julian. I'm proud of you for making the right decision, even if it was hard," Dolce continued, reaching out to cover Julian's hand with her own.

Julian felt his cheeks grow crimson. "Mom…"

Dolce winked at Logan, who laughed at Julian's embarrassment. "I'm glad you made the right decision, too, Jules," he said. "If it's any consolation."

Julian kicked him under the table. "Of course it's consolation," he said, rolling his eyes. Just then his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID, ready to ignore it if it wasn't important.

Dad.

"Did you tell dad?" Julian asked his mother anxiously. It had only been two days since Loe and Julian had decided on the divorce.

"Yes."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

Julian took a deep breath, reaching out his hand so that Logan could take it. Logan did, and squeezed as Julian said, "Hello?"

"Julian." Travis Armstrong did not sound angry, but his voice wasn't full of warmth or anything, either.

"Hi, Dad." Julian took a deep breath and Logan squeezed his hand again.

Julian looked at his mom, who shrugged and smiled encouragingly.

"I heard what happened from your mother."

"Yeah. I was going to call you tonight." Lie.

"I just need to know." His dad took a deep breath and Julian tensed up. He looked into Logan's eyes, searching for comfort. Logan smiled at him, the smile extending to the green surrounding his pupils. Julian's heart leapt.

"Are you happy?"

This wasn't what Julian had expected, not in a million years. He blinked. He'd thought his dad would say something about Logan's being a male and Julian's being a male. Travis Armstrong wasn't necessarily homophobic but he wasn't exactly the most accepting human being on the planet.

"Yes." Julian didn't have to think about it long.

"Good. You should call me sometime, we can maybe have lunch or something."

"That sounds good." Julian was grinning and Logan was grinning back.

Once he'd hung up, Julian looked at his mom and said, "That wasn't nearly as horrible as I thought it was going to be."

"Most of us don't marry the worst people in the world," Dolce said, her true meaning barely disguised by her words.

Julian bit his lip, looking at Logan.

Logan looked back.

"Logan did," Julian said, thinking of Noah and feeling chills go down his spine.

"He's not _that_ bad," Logan protested.

Julian just leveled him with a gaze.

"Okay fine." Logan rolled his eyes. "Have it your way. He _is_ that bad."

.

One dad down, one to go.

Julian and Logan had been together for four months before either of them gathered up the courage to even _suggest _talking to Logan's dad. Together.

Of course Senator Wright knew about Logan's divorce. But he didn't exactly know about the Julian aspect of things.

Julian was the one who convinced Logan that they _had_ to tell him sometime, and they would tell him _together_, and it would all be all right because they would be _together_!

Logan had refused for almost two months but finally gave in.

And so, on the eve of their six-month anniversary, Julian and Logan were standing on the doorstep of Senator Wright's house.

"Deep breath," Julian coached, because Logan looked like he might have a heart attack.

"But last time… He kicked us out! I didn't really mind because it was with _Noah_ and I was on my meds and it just… But _you_, if he even so much as looks at you wrong I will _kill him_."

"I don't think that's necessary."

"And I haven't been here since…"

"I know." Julian took his hand and rubbed circles on the back of Logan's with his thumb.

"He took down all the pictures of her," Logan said, sounding like he was trying very, very hard to hold it together.

"I know," Julian repeated.

"I just don't…"

"Shhhh. It's okay." Julian paused, reaching for the doorbell. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Logan said, resigned.

Julian rang the doorbell.

They stood there in silence, holding hands on the doorstep. It was cold, there was snow on the ground, they could see their breath.

Senator Wright opened the door.

"Logan." He didn't sound happy or upset to see his only son.

"Dad." Logan didn't sound happy or upset to see his father, although Julian knew for a fact that this impassiveness was an act.

There was an awkward silence.

"Hi, I'm Julian." Julian thrust his hand out into the air, letting go of Logan's in the process. Julian let his hand hang there for a second while Logan's dad ignored it. "Well." Julian dropped it and pretended to brush off his pants. "Aren't you going to invite us in?"

"Who are you?" Senator Wright asked gruffly.

"This would all be better explained inside," Julian said firmly.

"If I invite you inside," Logan's dad said slowly, "will you say something pleasing or not?"

"Not," Logan muttered under his breath.

"Then I'd rather not invite you inside." Senator Wright's breath could be seen on the night air, and he was clearly very cold standing there in the doorway.

"You won't let your son inside his house?" Julian asked, angry, but Logan just nodded, accepting.

"I love Julian," Logan said quietly.

"What?" his dad asked, even though he'd heard.

"I. Love. Julian." Logan motioned to Julian. "This is Julian."

"I know who Julian is," Senator Wright snapped, and it reminded Julian of Logan.

It was funny how two people could be so alike and so drastically different at once.

"So?" Julian asked. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I have nothing to say to him," Logan's dad said. "He already knows my views on these matters. If it didn't work the first time, I doubt it will the second time. Good night."

He closed the door.

_He closed the door._

Julian wrapped an arm around Logan, who was shivering, not from the cold.

Julian lifted his face up and Logan looked down at him.

"I love you," Julian said. "Your dad is an asshole but I love you."

Logan laughed a bitter laugh. "I already knew both of those things."

They kissed, right there on Logan's dad's doorstep, and they didn't care if he was peeping through the windows and watching. In fact, that would be preferred.

.

"Julian Larson…"

Logan's heart was pounding and his palms were sweating as he got down on one knee.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in the world."

Julian was looking down at him with this expression of pure delight on his face.

"I made a mistake once before in proposing to someone, but I'm sure as hell not making a mistake right now." Logan had this memorized. He'd practiced it like seven hundred times in front of the mirror. "Will you do me the _extreme_ honor of marrying me?"

Julian looked like he was going to die of happiness, right there, on the spot.

"Yes!" he practically shouted. "Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you."

Somehow it had turned into a romance movie or something, and Logan was standing up and putting the ring on Julian's finger and they were kissing. If this was a movie, the camera would be rotating around them and there would be music with lots of violins playing, and the next shot would cut to a sunset on a beach.

But it wasn't a movie. It was real. Julian Larson and Logan Wright were getting married – to each other.

.

It took an inordinately long amount of time for Logan to convince Julian that their relationship should be made known to the public.

So long, in fact, that they had been engaged for five months and their wedding was just around the corner by the time Julian found himself standing in front of a room full of reporters, shaking with nervousness.

"Pretend they're all in their underwear," Logan was whispering helpfully in his ear.

Julian gave him a blank look.

"Pretend you're just talking to me," Logan offered, slightly more helpful.

Julian nodded, biting his lip.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said into the ten or fifteen microphones in front of him. "I've called this press conference to tell you all something very important."

He felt Logan's presence beside him and took a deep breath.

There was a flash of a camera, and this set off a chain reaction of more flashes.

"I'm bisexual," Julian said loudly. The words echoed off the walls, creating feedback from the microphones. There was a rustle of people moving, looking at each other with surprised expressions on their faces. "I am very happily with another man." He motioned to Logan. "This is Logan Wright. My fiancé."

There were more flashes of cameras, and people standing up to ask questions.

"How long have you been together?" a woman in the front asked.

"Two years and four months," Julian answered calmly. "Next?"

"What about your ex-wife?" a man in the back asked.

"She and I have split custody of our two children. They live with Logan and I half the time and her and her boyfriend the other half."

"How do they feel about it?" another man asked.

"My children? They love Logan. He's really good with them."

"Do your parents mind?" a woman asked.

"That I'm bisexual? Not at all."

"How do you think this will affect your career?"

"I'm hoping my acting can be distanced enough from my sexual preference that it will not affect my career in the slightest."

"Do you love him?"

"Very much."

.

Clark clinked his glass. He gave Derek a meaningful look. Derek just shook his head, smirking.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please…" He looked around as everyone stopped talking and turned toward him. "Hi," he said, smiling his movie star smile. "I'm Clark Sawyer."

There was applause, of course.

Clark smirked at Derek. _I got applause before I even started the freaking speech._

"I'm not here tonight as a celebrity, though. I'm here as Julian Larson's best man." He paused while people applauded again. "If this is going to work you're going to have to let me get through more than two sentences at a time," he deadpanned. Dead silence. "Much better.

"So I've known Julian for years and years and years – maybe longer than I'd like – and I can tell you from years of experience… Julian can be an idiot. I'm serious. He's done a lot of stupid things. He got married to a woman who was nice _enough_ but not right for him. And it took him five years to figure this out. He was in love with Logan since high school, and it took him twelve years to do anything about it. But this isn't the time for hating Julian. This is the time for telling him that, for once," Clark sought Julian ought, and saw him sitting next to Logan in the middle of the table in the back of the room, listening with a slightly annoyed expression on his face, "he did something really, really smart when he married Logan Wright."

This time there was more applause than before, and Clark didn't stop it. He just let the stage. "Beat that," he whispered to Derek as they passed each other.

"Gladly," Derek whispered back, stepping up onto the stage.

"I'm Derek Seigerson," Derek said, pausing. No one clapped. He saw Clark laughing off to the side. "What, no applause?" he asked.

Logan stood up and applauded loudly, and Julian followed suit.

No one else did, and the two glanced at each other, shrugged, and sat down in unison.

"Thanks, guys." Derek rolled his eyes. "So anyway, as Clark already said, Julian's an idiot."

Julian looked at Logan and whispered, "Is it customary to completely rip someone apart in your best man's speech? Because I'm noticing a pattern."

Logan just laughed.

"And Logan's also an idiot," Derek continued.

Logan stopped laughing.

"It took them twelve years to figure out they were both in love with each other. And it was about damn time, too. I've never _seen_ two people more suited for each other than those two." He rolled his eyes. "I thought it in high school and I think it now. I'm just glad they both grew a pair and finally figured it out." He motioned to Clark and himself. "With some help, of course, because idiots will be idiots and they couldn't have done it without us. So Julian and Logan are proof that… Sometimes dumb people do really smart things. I would never admit it, and I'll deny saying this later, but I think the relationship that Julian and Logan have is actually really inspiring, and we should all take a page from their book. They manage to be 100% honest with each other, at the expense of everything, even their own relationship. But somehow they got here today, so they must be doing something seriously right. Even though they're both idiots."

Julian and Logan rolled their eyes in unison.

As Derek stepped off the stage, he said to Clark, "I think I win."

"No way. _I_ win."

As the reception resumed, Clark and Derek made their way over to Logan and Julian.

"Who do you think had the better speech?" Clark asked the newlyweds.

Logan and Julian looked at each other. "Between you and Derek?" Julian clarified.

"Duh," Derek said.

Logan and Julian pretended to deliberate. "Well, gee, I definitely think the one in which we were called idiots was best. Oh wait. That's both of them. So I guess you tie."

Derek and Clark both flipped them off, turned and walked away.

"You should be thanking us!" Derek called over his shoulder.

"I think we would've gotten it on our own," Logan said, turning to Julian. "Eventually."

Julian just sighed. "One can only hope."

Logan picked a French fry up off Julian's plate and popped it into his mouth.

"I still think it's completely tactless to have French fries at a wedding reception," Julian said, but Logan was busy grabbing all the other French fries on Julian's plate and putting them on his.

"I don't care," Logan said. "I love French fries."

.

"I do not like this." Julian was moving around the empty room, looking at it.

"Neither do I." Logan tried to picture furniture in the room and failed.

"It's too…" Julian waved his hands around, trying to communicate his feelings about the house.

"White." Logan ran a finger along the wall nearest him.

"We could paint the walls…" Julian looked up at the ceiling. Too low.

"No." Logan peered out the window. There was another couple coming up the walk, wanting to look at the house.

"Are we really that lazy, though? We can't even paint a couple of walls?" Julian bit his lip.

"I also don't like those stairs, Jules. Jackson might fall down them." Logan was nitpicking now.

"I think he'd be fine." Julian just wanted to get a house. He didn't care what it was like. They could knock out a wall and change it around later if they really needed to.

"I just don't want him to fall down them and hit his head and break his neck and-"

"OKAY! Let's check out the next place."

.

"I've always wanted a swimming pool." Julian was looking out the window at the bright blue pool in the backyard.

"But look at the color of these walls!" Logan was staring at the walls in disgust.

"You are obsessed with walls, Logan. Walls can be painted." Julian turned around to look at his husband.

"I don't want to paint them!" Logan looked very distressed, standing in the middle of the room, flapping his arms around.

"You can't be this picky about every house, Lo…" Julian crossed the room to put his arms around Logan.

"I can be as picky as I want to be!" Logan pouted and drew Julian closer to him.

"We are never going to find a house, are we?" Julian asked, putting his forehead against Logan's.

"We need a _perfect _house. We can't just settle, Julian!" Logan pressed a quick kiss to Julian's lips. "Come on, let's go look at that place down the street."

.

"DADDY!" Tabby came rushing into the kitchen, where Logan was standing at the stove making dinner.

"Hmmm?" he asked, turning around.

"Look what I drew for you at camp!" Tabby thrust a card at him.

Logan looked it over.

'_Dear Daddy,_

_HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to the best Daddy (except for Papa) EVER!_

_Love,_

_Tabby'_

Tabby was ten. She was in that 'over-use exclamation points' phase.

Logan put the card on the counter and picked Tabby up. "Thank you, sweetie!" He kissed her hair. "It's awesome, I love it! But you did make one for Papa, too, right? I don't want him to feel left out."

"Of course! Jackson made you one too but he didn't spell it right."

"Didn't spell what right?" Logan asked, seeing Jackson standing shyly in the doorway.

Julian was standing behind him, having picked them up from their day at camp. Julian raised his eyebrows at Logan and jerked his head down toward Jackson.

"Did you make a card for me, too?" Logan asked, crossing the kitchen to kneel down next to Jackson, who was eight years old and hated writing.

Jackson turned around the card in his hands and presented it to Logan. Logan opened it up.

It just said, 'Happy Faither's Day, Daddy' and had a picture of Jackson and Logan and they were both smiling wide.

"See?" Tabby said from behind Logan. "He didn't spell it right. I told him it's F-A-T-H-E-R but he-"

"Thank you, I love it," Logan said, wrapping his arms around Jackson. "It's perfect."


	31. Epilogue

**Okay, I admit it. I've put off writing this for five days. I just don't want the story to be over… :'(**

**So here's the info you need to know:**

** Find me on tumblr at flightofdeathfrench . tumblr . com**

** I have a series of Jogan drabbles called 100 Days of Jogan, which you can find at this link: http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/7024041/1/100_Days_of_Jogan**

** I have a choose-your-own adventure fic called Stuart Road Trip, which you can find at stuartroadtrip . tumblr . com**

**Thank you all so much for reading, and I'd love if you'd review to tell me what you thought of the story as a whole. It's the longest thing I've ever written (50,000 words O.O). I really hope you all had as much fun reading it as I had writing it!**

**As always, Miss CP Coulter owns Dalton and I do not.**

**So now…without further ado, I present to you, the end.**

**Epilogue**

"You are going to cry," Julian says, looking at Logan in the mirror.

Logan looks back at Julian through the mirror. "I am not going to cry."

"You so are. You did at Tabby's graduation."

"That was different." Logan pulls at his shirt collar. "I'm not a sap, Julian. I'm not the type of guy who cries at his kids' graduations."

"Then why did you cry at Tabby's?"

"It was the onion in my sandwich, I already told you that like a thousand times!" Logan looks at himself in the mirror and then at Julian. He reaches over and runs his hand through Julian's hair.

"It couldn't have been the onions because – what was that for?" Julian tries to smooth his hair down.

"No, it looks better all messed up." Logan smirks. "And it was the onions. But they aren't giving out food anymore at these things so we'll be fine. Though it's really depressing because then I can't have French fries…"

"What will your excuse be this time then, Lo?"

"Personal rain cloud that landed on my face," Logan replies calmly, messing up Julian's hair again. "Good, leave it like that."

"It was really sweet, you know," Julian says, turning to walk out of the room, "you crying at her graduation. And hot. It was kind of hot. So you should definitely do it again."

"I'll do it for you," Logan says, rolling his eyes. "Just for you."

"That's so nice of you." Julian turns and catches Logan in his arms. "You're the best."

"We aren't doing this right now," Logan says, kissing his husband's nose and pulling away. "This whole sappy thing. I thought we agreed once a month and no more."

Julian pouts. "Fine." He stomps out into the hallway. "Tabby!" he shouts. "Are you ready?"

"Almost!" The door to Tabby's room opens and the junior in college peeks out. "Jackson told me not to wear a dress so I'm trying to figure out which dress to wear."

Julian rolls his eyes again. "We'll be in the car," he says, but then Tabby opens the door further and steps out.

"Is this okay?" she asks, fingering the fabric.

What little of it there is.

Logan turns and looks to see what she's wearing, and he raises a disapproving eyebrow. "You're wearing that?"

"I thought." She does a little twirl and her boobs almost fall out of the top. "Is it okay?"

Julian blinks rapidly, trying to figure out how best to handle this. "I'd, uh, prefer if it was…"

"Mom said it's fine," Tabby says, cutting him off. She flounces past her fathers and down the steps.

Julian and Logan share a look before following her.

.

"Loe." Julian slides onto the bleacher next to his ex-wife. "You told Tabby that dress is acceptable for her to wear in public?"

"Of course." Loe's husband of three years, Richard, wraps his arm possessively around her. Julian feels Logan retaliate by wrapping his own arm around Julian. It's funny because neither of these actions is necessary in the least. "She's in college, Julian."

"I don't care, it's just…" Julian realizes he's being an overprotective father – again – and he should stop. But still. "Whatever. As long as you think she's not asking for…"

Logan squeezes Julian's shoulder and Julian turns to look at him. "She'll be fine," Logan says quietly. "She took karate for seven years." He pauses and leans in to whisper in Julian's ear, "And if it's the sex with her boyfriend thing that you're worried about… That never bothered you when _we_ were dating."

Julian rolls his eyes. "I just…" He sighs. "Okay."

Logan kisses him quickly, just as Pomp and Circumstance starts playing.

Tabby whips out her phone and starts texting. Logan nudges her in the ribs. "Pay attention or Jackson will give you hell," he hisses.

"There's no _way _he can see me," Tabby says, annoyed, but she puts her phone into her purse anyway.

The graduates walk onto the field in slow motion and sit down even slower. Once they're all seated, the principal and superintendent speak, and then the valedictorians. It's all about finishing up a chapter in their lives and starting a new one, and there's a lot of reminiscing and nostalgia. Logan and Julian are very bored with the whole thing so they occupy themselves by holding hands and whispering little comments to each other like 'He shouldn't have said it like that, it's terrible grammar' or 'I wonder how many mothers are already crying' or making fun of the speeches.

Then names start being called and they let go of each other's hands and Julian claps until his hands hurt at which point he stops and leans over to Logan. "Applaud extra for me, please."

"Why?" Logan asks, clapping for Greg, Lydia.

"Because my hands will start _bleeding_ if I do this for any longer."

Logan just nods and keeps clapping. After a few names, he says, "I think you might have been clapping too hard. The trick is to make the appearance of clapping without actually clapping."

"You're so helpful," Julian says sarcastically.

They're quiet until Jackson's name is called. "Larson, Jackson."

Julian watches his son walk onto the stage set up in the middle of the football field, take his diploma, and walk off. And then that's it.

Julian glances at Logan and sees that he's rubbing at his eye. "I am _not_ crying," Logan whispers.

Julian rolls his eyes. "Whatever you say." He puts his arm around Logan and leans in to whisper in his ear. "You are adorable when you cry."

"Shut up." Logan blinks a few times. "Just look away please?"

"I don't want to."

"Do it."

Julian whips his head around to stare at the football field, while watching Logan out of the corner of his eye.

Julian loves peripheral vision.

"Julian." Loe nudges him in the ribs. "Are we going to ignore each other the whole time?"

Julian raises his eyebrows. "Um…no?"

"Alright, talk to me. How's it going?"

Julian is surprised. Sometimes he and Loe talk, but that's only when they're shoved into situations together like this one and usually it's only short little "hi hello how are you I'm good" conversations. They never go out of their way to have deep and meaningful discussions about their lives. Like Julian said many years before – they would have made great friends. Their marriage ruined their relationship, though, and they hardly know each other anymore. They have both changed so much – in good ways. Richard is good for Loe and she loves him very much, finally agreeing to marry him after eight years of dating. Julian feels a little bad about that one – he knows she would've agreed sooner if there wasn't the whole messy divorce thing they had to go through that made her scared of marriage and commitment for quite awhile. Then there's Logan, who is everything that Julian has ever wanted. Somehow he ended up with Logan, through fate – though Clark and Derek say that it was more than fate; they like to remind Julian and Logan on a weekly basis that they were the ones who'd gotten them together. Since Loe and Julian are both perfectly happy, they don't really need to talk to each other anymore and so they don't.

To say that it is unusual for Loe to instigate a conversation is an understatement. Maybe it's supposed to have some sort of significance – like this really is the end of more than just Jackson's high school career. Because Loe and Julian won't see each other much after this. They won't have to drive their kids to each other's houses for the whole split custody thing. They won't have to coordinate birthday parties together, or figure out who's paying for clothes and toys and iPods. Maybe Loe wants to go out on a good note. (Even though they still have to talk every now and then on the phone or shoot off a quick e-mail about financial stuff for college.)

"Pretty good," Julian responds, allowing Loe to have this. It's what she needs and Julian doesn't hate her so why not talk to her?

"Do you have any big empty-nest plans yet?" Before Julian can respond, Loe is off and running, talking about this big vacation to Hawaii that Rich is taking her on once Jackson leaves for college in August.

Julian throws in a 'that sounds nice' and an 'I hope you have fun' every now and then but as he learned in their five years of marriage, it doesn't take particularly much to keep Loe talking once she's started. Plus, Julian gets the feeling that Loe isn't telling him all these things for his personal benefit. He suspects she feels like she has to, because this is the end, after all.

When graduation ends, Logan's arm is around Julian's shoulders and he squeezes periodically to keep Julian from falling asleep out of boredom. Tabby is off with her boyfriend and Julian can only hope they aren't behind the bleachers before he sees them walking around with a group of friends, laughing and talking like they'll never see each other again (she's clinging to her boyfriend's hand and it makes Julian sad to see it because he knows that someday that boy might break her heart or, worse, marry her and take her away from him). Loe is still talking about her vacation plans and Julian has no idea how she's managed to go on for so long like this. Jackson is scanning the crowd for someone, and Julian thinks he's looking for them until he sees Jackson's face light up and follows his son's gaze to his girlfriend. So Julian turns to Logan, forgetting about being polite to his ex-wife, and says, "What are we going to do once Jackson goes off to college?"

"We can play board games," Logan says, and then laughs. His laugh is infectious to Julian, so Julian laughs too.

If this were a movie, there would be a montage of Julian's life from now until he died, but it isn't a movie. It's just real life, which is unpredictable and uncertain. Sometimes you end up with a happy ending and sometimes you don't.

In Julian Larson's case, he ended up with the happiest ending of all, rivaled only by Logan Wright's happy ending.

**The End**


End file.
